View Full Version : May's Mother of all threads Mayhem. Be nice.
Bawanna
04-30-2013, 11:38 AM
Ok, Ok, thanks to Wynn I remembered for once.
Think happy thoughts, make it a fun thread.
Let the games begin.
Tinman507
04-30-2013, 11:43 AM
http://i.qkme.me/36dw7g.jpg
Bawanna
04-30-2013, 11:50 AM
We'd surly miss you and your gift of fixing photo's for sure.
Stay healthy.
AIRret
04-30-2013, 02:24 PM
It's MAY but someone didn't tell the weatherman. It must be global WARMING!
Has anyone had any part or all of either a IWB holster or IWB mag. carrier slip down your leg and fall out on the floor?
Bawanna
04-30-2013, 02:29 PM
Not me but I'd sure like to see pictures of that?
Strictly for analytical purposes ya understand. Jocko, analytical is like looking at the problem and trying to figure out how to fix it, sort of like reading your post and trying to figure out what they say.
AIRret, did the holster or mag pouch come apart or something, clip break?
Did this really happen or are you making it up?
muggsy
04-30-2013, 02:56 PM
Analicktical, isn't that some kind of weird sexual perversion? :) (Remember, you started this thread.)
Bawanna
04-30-2013, 03:16 PM
Weird perversion, finally the perfect question for our resident expert on perversion.
Jocko? Are you about?
getsome
04-30-2013, 03:42 PM
If you drop a rod down your pants does it send a tingle up your leg???? Just askin.....:rolleyes:
jocko
04-30-2013, 03:59 PM
Weird perversion, finally the perfect question for our resident expert on perversion.
Jocko? Are you about?
Analicktica
means
It is in my to "be about published" ol jockos pervert words for DUMMIES. Just sayin
evidently Muggsy has gotten one ofmy personally signed versions, . He must have been in attendance when I did my book signing at "Marsillas" toys for adults store. :amflag:
jocko
04-30-2013, 04:21 PM
FEMORAL; thats also in my book, of Pervertfor Dummies:
RevRay
04-30-2013, 05:43 PM
http://i.qkme.me/36dw7g.jpg
Boy he is fast on the old photoshopping draw.
Barth
04-30-2013, 05:47 PM
http://img.xcitefun.net/users/2008/05/3947,xcitefun-cosmo-bikini-girls-6.jpg
muggsy
04-30-2013, 06:09 PM
I'd have raised my hand if it it wasn't otherwise occupied. :)
What causes that burning sensation????
AIRret
04-30-2013, 06:58 PM
Not me but I'd sure like to see pictures of that?
Strictly for analytical purposes ya understand. Jocko, analytical is like looking at the problem and trying to figure out how to fix it, sort of like reading your post and trying to figure out what they say.
AIRret, did the holster or mag pouch come apart or something, clip break?
Did this really happen or are you making it up?
Can't take a picture in the middle of the store when you (me) are trying to hide the IWB mag. carrier is falling out of your (my) pant leg!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Mystery to me is that I wear the carrier on my right hip and it fell out of my left pant leg!!!!!!!!!
LORD!!!!!! Thankfully Hubby was there to catch it, but we almost gave ourselves away because we were laughing so hard.
The whole (almost) mess was because I was trying out a new holster and did not pay close enough attention to my IWB mag. carrier.
PS.. It also involved a new belt.
The story is true but not very recent.
I had a difficult time coming up with something for May so I resurrected an old, but true story.
It's MAY but someone didn't tell the weatherman. It must be global WARMING!
Has anyone had any part or all of either a IWB holster or IWB mag. carrier slip down your leg and fall out on the floor?
Weekly snowstorm moving in late tonight...CO front range.
http://img.xcitefun.net/users/2008/05/3947,xcitefun-cosmo-bikini-girls-6.jpg
I want the fat chick in the middle. So does my wife.
Bawanna
04-30-2013, 08:16 PM
Just baby fat.
bulletdodger
04-30-2013, 09:12 PM
http://img.xcitefun.net/users/2008/05/3947,xcitefun-cosmo-bikini-girls-6.jpg
Am I the only one who can spot the transvestite? Oh, and BTW Bawana, I apologize. I always take it too damn far! lol. Too much too much.
Bawanna
04-30-2013, 10:43 PM
5th from the left, 2 to the left of my favorite. 3rd from the baby fat one that is still way cute.
yqtszhj
04-30-2013, 10:55 PM
Am I the only one who can spot the transvestite? .
It's got to be the 5th one from the left. Now in all that scenery who would have spotted that?
I detect that you had a scary event in your past that has put you on alert. :D I don't think I would share it here, LOL.
yqtszhj
04-30-2013, 10:58 PM
If you think that's fat you haven't visited the little town where I'm living now. OMG! :eek:
JFootin
05-01-2013, 07:54 AM
http://img.xcitefun.net/users/2008/05/3947,xcitefun-cosmo-bikini-girls-6.jpg
There's that wide angle view I was looking for! Still not wide enough. I know there are still more girls on either side! :tongue:
BTW, I think you guys are right about the 5th one from the left! :eek:
JFootin
05-01-2013, 11:33 AM
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/303460_10151355244720047_244934939_n_zps9a447732.j pg
Tinman507
05-01-2013, 11:37 AM
There's that wide angle view I was looking for! Still not wide enough. I know there are still more girls on either side! :tongue:
BTW, I think you guys are right about the 5th one from the left! :eek:
John,
Great eyes, I think you're right
http://i1147.photobucket.com/albums/o542/tinman507/3947xcitefun-cosmo-bikini-_zps6f6311dc.jpg
7shot
05-01-2013, 12:27 PM
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/303460_10151355244720047_244934939_n_zps9a447732.j pg
good one...
bulletdodger
05-01-2013, 02:09 PM
I just have a knack for problem spotting. If something looks different or a bit off it will catch my eye. Even if its in my peripheral. Thanks for playing "One of These Things Is Not Like The Other" Haha, next we'll play pin the Obama on the donkey!
muggsy
05-01-2013, 02:48 PM
I had something in my peripheral once. I had to have a Dr. remove it. :)
bulletdodger
05-01-2013, 06:00 PM
http://i1072.photobucket.com/albums/w372/growsaginaw/dude2.jpg
mr surveyor
05-01-2013, 06:38 PM
I guess I'm the only one to spot Bawanna's favorite first (female), moochell... to the right of center, second row :puke:
Bawanna
05-01-2013, 06:58 PM
A chicken in every pot and a turd in every punch bowl.
wyntrout
05-01-2013, 11:38 PM
More fodder for the anti-gunners:
http://news.yahoo.com/5-old-boy-shoots-2-old-sister-ky-161229579.html
I guess gun safety was delayed until the child got a bit older.:rolleyes:
How can people be so careless! Gun safety should be the first priority and the child is too young for unsupervised use of the rifle... let alone "playing with it"!
Wynn:(
OldLincoln
05-02-2013, 12:10 AM
Yeah, but if he had played with matches and burned the house down it would only be a tragic event, not a "vast right wing conspiracy."
Barth
05-02-2013, 05:51 AM
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/coroner-boy-shoots-year-sister-ky-19088572#.UYJExLVeZ8E
Boy, 5, Shoots 2-Year-Old Sister in Ky.
Who in their right mind leaves a loaded gun with a 5 year old?
GROTMAN
05-02-2013, 07:02 PM
HOW'S THIS FOR A BARBECUE ??
http://www.rosetown.org.nz/images/BBQ.jpg
How about firing off a few steaks?!
yqtszhj
05-03-2013, 02:14 AM
Now that is really cool.
bulletdodger
05-03-2013, 01:17 PM
Its time for another round of "spot the imposter"
http://i1072.photobucket.com/albums/w372/growsaginaw/spot-the-imposter-and-tell-what-it-really-is_o_736511.jpg
Bawanna
05-03-2013, 01:19 PM
Second row left, that's Feinstein or Pelosi but I'm going with Feinstein.
Pelosi is usually pickled and consequently hygiene isn't a priority.
Barth
05-03-2013, 04:39 PM
Posted pics usually don't gross me out.
But that close up of Mrs Obummer is just too much...
bulletdodger
05-03-2013, 04:44 PM
Bawanna is our winner! Ha! Better to be able to spot them then not spot them eh? I took those photos at a kissing booth at the festival. There were little cut outs all along a wall of the booth. Pay a buck and get a smooch. One of those ladies burped as I walked by and it caught my eye. Step right up and take yer pick!!! For only a buck you can lay one on one of these mysterious beauties!
Bawanna
05-03-2013, 04:59 PM
I should probably disqualify myself from the competition and pass the the accolades to Barth.
With my amazing profiling skills I have an unfair advantage.
The prize was a free kiss wasn't it? Save the buck?
GROTMAN
05-03-2013, 06:56 PM
AND THEN THE FIGHT BEGAN...:rolleyes:
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f195/52dragon/hytrtrok8.png
Its time for another round of "spot the imposter" ........
All but the one center row left.
JFootin
05-04-2013, 10:05 AM
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
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The husband, typically non-romantic, replied "I am on the toilet. Please advise."
southsound
05-04-2013, 01:57 PM
A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties. The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment-I spit on your ties. I need water!”
"Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5."
"Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but... I must conserve my energy and find water!"
"Okay," said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need... Go In Peace."
Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead and gasped... "They won't let me in without a tie!”
mamaleader
05-05-2013, 07:08 PM
:80:
I just wanted to use that ^^ smiley. I figured this was the place for it :p
DeaconKC
05-05-2013, 07:21 PM
A man spotted an old time tent revival meeting and out of curiosity decided to attend. At the end of the Fire and Brimstone sermon, the preacher said if anyone needed special prayer to come forward and he would lay hands on them and pray. Eventually the man found himself in front of the preacher who asked him what his burden was. He replied "I need prayer for my hearing." the preacher slapped his hands over the man's ears and prayed a beautiful prayer, removing his hands he looked at him and said "How is your hearing?" The man replied "I don't know, it's not until Tuesday."
Barth
05-06-2013, 11:03 AM
WTF
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/05/06/study-pegs-cost-immigration-bills-mass-legalization-at-63t/
"Those who claim that amnesty will not create a large fiscal burden
are simply in a state of denial concerning the underlying redistributional nature
of government policy in the 21st century,"
http://a57.foxnews.com/www.foxnews.com/images/root_images/0/0/newimmigrationimage_20130506_110714.jpg
OldLincoln
05-06-2013, 01:32 PM
More future Democrat votes! Can't we find any country overflowing with future Republicans we can invite over. I'm genuinely concerned we may have seen our last Republican administration.
MW surveyor
05-06-2013, 08:52 PM
For all you people that hate the squirrels getting into the bird feeder.:eek:
mr surveyor
05-06-2013, 09:01 PM
If he's still warm, he's still edible:)
JFootin
05-07-2013, 09:52 AM
May's Mother of all threads Mayhem. Be nice.
That's not nice. That's disgusting! :( :faint2::puke:
MW surveyor
05-07-2013, 11:12 AM
That's not nice. That's disgusting! :( :faint2::puke:
Ok, so as not to offend anyone else, I've removed the offending picture.
(However, I think that there are some people that may have found it to have been just desserts for the squirrel.)
OldLincoln
05-07-2013, 02:17 PM
I think squirrels are cute.... for a rat.
getsome
05-07-2013, 02:36 PM
We had a squirrel fall down our chimney while we were on vacation one year and that one little rat did over two thousand dollars damage trying to get out....He chewed up 5 window sills before finally kicking the bucket.... The windows looked like someone took a chain saw to um, I couldn't believe one small animal did all he did...Home Owners Insurance company (The Good Hands People) said they didn't cover rodent damage so I had to eat the repair costs....
If I had found a squirrel hanging like that in my yard I would have just left his sorry carcass there as a warning to his furry a$$ friends....I HATE squirrels...:mad:
Tinman507
05-07-2013, 04:15 PM
You gotta make it plain who did this, so they think twice about trying it again.
http://i1147.photobucket.com/albums/o542/tinman507/for-encouragement_zps0e5b1072.jpg
For almost 20 years now we've had a bird feeder for the squirrels and the birds and rabbits that feed off the ground after squirrels knock everything out of it. It sits just above a post and rail fence to make it convenient.
Second bird feeder, for the birds, is less accessible and stocked with seed they don't like as much.
All be in harmony until the deer show up to piss off the squirrels.
OldLincoln
05-07-2013, 06:47 PM
I really like to watch the tiny yellow finch so I bought a really nice bird feeder for small birds and set it out. The yellow finch went for it big time then after a week or so we had blue jays going after the finch. The feeder didn't accommodate jays so they would try to hang onto the side and scoop out seed onto the ground. It wasn't long until I had no finch but a lot of jays. Now the feeder sits empty and the blue jays have thinned after a couple years but I still haven't seen a tiny yellow finch.
I do have a hummer feeder out and a family guard hummer runs off other hummers. I'm going to put out at least one other feeder across the yard to see what he does. May have to add in the other feeders around the yard to see if he gives up or dies trying.
The trick is the seed mix. Our bird bird feeder caters to small birds. Our squirrel bird feeder has the jays distracted fighting the squirrels.
Barth
05-08-2013, 06:14 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=v1lhSyVIsFM
jeepster09
05-08-2013, 08:02 AM
Jocko is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.
One day, he sees a speck in the horizon.
He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship."
The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a
boat."
The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."
Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it
been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!" he says.
She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left
sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man,
oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a
drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the
right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, "Wow that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down
the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how
long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"
And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a
motorcycle in there!"
jeepster09
05-08-2013, 08:15 AM
Texas Chili Cook Off....
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is.. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .
Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge# 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge# 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge# 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT .. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics.The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge# 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge# 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.
**I should make note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge# 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
JFootin
05-08-2013, 10:20 AM
Jeepster, I'm crying with laughter!
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Smilies/Hahaha_zpsf11b00de.gif
I haven't been eating any chili or beans, but I was pealing paint yesterday. My brother who was over to visit got wiped out, and he's 81 and can't hardly paste or smell anything. :lie:
JFootin
05-08-2013, 04:41 PM
Borrowed from TaurusArmed.net.
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you
tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
JFootin
05-08-2013, 04:43 PM
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/HumongousDog_zpsbfbef0cc.jpg
JFootin
05-08-2013, 05:39 PM
Got this in an email.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/HuggingDog1_zpsadf55d55.jpg
The K9 above is Brutus, a military K9 at McChord AFB. He's huge - part Boxer and part British Bull Mastiff and tops the scales at 200 lbs. His handler took the picture. Brutus is running toward me because he knows I have some Milkbone treats, so he's slobbering away! I had to duck around a tree just before he got to me in case he couldn't stop, but he did.
Brutus was the recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor last year from his tour in Iraq . His handler and four other soldiers were taken hostage by insurgents. Brutus and his handler communicate by sign language and he gave Brutus the signal that meant 'go away but come back and find me'. The Iraqis paid no attention to Brutus. He came back later and quietly tore the throat out of one guard at one door and another guard at another door. He then jumped against one of the doors repeatedly (the guys were being held in an old warehouse) until it opened. He went in and untied his handler and they all escaped. He's the first K9 to receive this honor.
If he knows you're ok, he's a big old lug and wants to sit in your lap. He enjoys the company of cats. Talk about animal intelligence and bonding with humans! Remember that they can't do a lot of things for themselves and they depend on you to make their life a quality life!
Instructions for properly hugging a baby (from a dog's point of view):
1. First, uh, find a baby.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/HuggingDog2_zpse1bae515.jpg
2. Second, be sure that the object you found was indeed a baby, by employing classic sniffing techniques.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/HuggingDog3_zpsd5e90a34.jpg
3. Next, you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the hugging process.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/HuggingDog4_zps560b0096.jpg
4. The 'paw slide' = Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/HuggingDog5_zpsf859ca67.jpg
5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute the difficult and patented 'hug, smile, and lean' so as to achieve the best photo quality.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/HuggingDog6_zps4a625f95.jpg
Tinman507
05-08-2013, 06:07 PM
Don't care who you are, if you appreciate fine machinery (and we're on a Kahr site) then you find this uber cool
CJd-WY0mm88
Bawanna
05-08-2013, 06:19 PM
Wow, how cool is that. Talk about patience and talent.
yqtszhj
05-08-2013, 06:42 PM
Need to put that thing on Bawannas wood grip truck. I can see it now.
Bawanna
05-08-2013, 06:46 PM
Just got this in an email.
BANANAS & MILK DUDS – your kind of stuff ! ! ! A good laugh to start the day ! !
Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat. If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get to 'Milk Duds,' your sense of humor is seriously broken.
Now this message is for America 's most famous athletes:
Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have. John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity... Move to Guam .
Change your name.
Fake your own death!
Whatever you do.
Do Not Go!!!
I know.
The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should have known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach .
Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way, Fast.
Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ('T-minus 15 seconds and counting .' Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say," We have liftoff."
Biff was to fly me in an F- 14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.
Bananas,' he said.
'For the potassium?' I asked.
"No," Biff said," because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down."
The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast.
(No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot. But, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.
A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would egress me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.
Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14..
Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80.. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us.
We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Colin Montgomerie.
And I egressed the bananas.
And I egressed the pizza from the night before.
And the lunch before that.
I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.
I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that never thought would be egressed.
I went through not one airsick bag, but two.
Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down.
I used to know "cool". Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know 'cool'. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.
A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.
What is it?? I asked.
'Two Bags.'
God Bless America
DeaconKC
05-08-2013, 07:59 PM
Rotfl
Bawanna
05-09-2013, 10:58 AM
HELLO TOES...
> >
> > An old fella was celebrating 82years on this earth. He spoke to
> his toes. "Hello toes.", he said. "How are you? You know, you are
> 82 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the
> park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on
> the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!" "Hello, knees.", he
> continued. "How are you? You know you're 82 today.. Oh, the times
> we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles
> we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees." Then, he looked down
> at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little Prick. Just think. If you
> were alive today, you'd be 82.
> >
jocko
05-09-2013, 11:33 AM
well then I stillhave 12 good years ahead of me. Gonna order some more sheep. Jusy sayin.
My younger sister told her 80 year old husband he wasn't getting off that freaking easy and put him on HRT and Cialis. Poor bastard.
getsome
05-09-2013, 06:41 PM
There's a Doctor here in Atlanta named Dr. Hornsby that runs a radio ad for his male ED clinic....Says he guarantees results with his mix of meds, he claims his oldest patent is 94 years old??????....WTF if I make it to 94 I won't be able to remember which armpit she keeps it under, never mind how long I stay in the "Happy" position....Does make for a good kickstand to keep from falling out of bed though...
Bawanna
05-09-2013, 06:53 PM
There you go, always look for the silver lining, the kick stand makes it all worthwhile.
We've already pretty much limited ourselves to oral sex anymore.
We climb into our respective sides of the bed and she says F you and I say F you and start counting sheep.
Oh sorry, didn't mean to drag Jocko into this thread.
Barth
05-10-2013, 07:58 AM
Bought a 20 round clear waffle mag for my Suchka for better semi concealment - LOL!
And found some cool ammo to load it with!
http://www.k-var.com/shop/images/D/SLR10658%20copy.jpg
RA556B 64 gr. Ranger 5.56mm solid base bonded JSP
http://cdn2.armslist.com/sites/armslist/uploads/posts/2013/05/03/1562315_01_wtb_winchester_5_56_64gr_bonde_640.jpg
GROTMAN
05-10-2013, 04:46 PM
BACON ANYONE ??
http://i.imgur.com/UM7RCjH.jpg
jeepster09
05-11-2013, 07:39 PM
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet,but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog.
They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'
'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.
'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...
No more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband,he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!...
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere,making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books.
'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook...you're gone.'
On Mother's Day eve even.....shame on you!
jeepster09
05-11-2013, 07:51 PM
LETTER FROM A FARMKID,
(NOW AT MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING.)
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mail box at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Caroline
jeepster09
05-11-2013, 08:07 PM
Anger Management :32:
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear get the right f***ing number!' And the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an a$$hole!' and hung up.
I wrote his number down With the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an a$$hole!' It always cheered me up.
When Caller I.D. was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a$$hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an a$$hole!' And hung up.
One day I was at the store, Getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a$$hole, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.' I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax, it's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an a$$hole!'
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call. Then I came up with an idea...
I called a$$hole #1. He said, 'Hello', I said, 'You're an a$$hole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'A$$hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole,' and hung up.
Then I called A$$hole #2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, a$$hole,'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your a$$'
I answered, 'Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ..
I got there just in time to watch two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. :music:
Anger management really does work! ;)
JFootin
05-15-2013, 03:12 PM
This is self explanatory.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/Misc/best_toilet_ever_zpsc475faca.jpg
Wouldn't it be funny if a group of jokers saw someone go in there and stood there staring, pointing fingers and laughing?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MSLdoXKbl9o/T9ZDhQD5IOI/AAAAAAAABAw/oEpAuKAO6Bo/s1600/laughing-and-pointing.jpg
wyntrout
05-15-2013, 04:12 PM
I guess that I could handle that... as long as the door locks!
In tent city back in Danang Air Base '67/'68... and Cam Rahn, there was a big oil drum half buried in the middle of the boardwalks between the tents... no privacy at all! That wasn't for #2, though!:D
Wynn:)
MW surveyor
05-15-2013, 04:52 PM
Ah, the communal bathrooms of the Far East............................brings back memories (or is it a flash back?)
GROTMAN
05-15-2013, 06:07 PM
https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/943159_608870512457196_836421727_n.jpg
Ah, the communal bathrooms of the Far East............................brings back memories (or is it a flash back?)
Between that and The Pitcher House in Hermosa Beach in the mid-70's I've long gotten past understanding the need for gender specific restrooms. Kinda like Officer and Enlisted latrines....I mean wth for? Especially now that half the population is gay.
I think there's just gotta be some construction industry conspiracy at play here.
TheTman
05-15-2013, 09:44 PM
The Officers get quilted Charmin, enlisted men get the Dollar Store generic.
LorenzoB
05-16-2013, 09:04 AM
A man spotted an old time tent revival meeting and out of curiosity decided to attend. At the end of the Fire and Brimstone sermon, the preacher said if anyone needed special prayer to come forward and he would lay hands on them and pray. Eventually the man found himself in front of the preacher who asked him what his burden was. He replied "I need prayer for my hearing." the preacher slapped his hands over the man's ears and prayed a beautiful prayer, removing his hands he looked at him and said "How is your hearing?" The man replied "I don't know, it's not until Tuesday."
I just read this the again (a week later) and get it now!
Court hearing! That's funny.
But the Chili Cook Off post had me rolling!!!
RevRay
05-16-2013, 03:51 PM
In tent city back in Danang Air Base '67/'68... and Cam Rahn, there was a big oil drum half buried in the middle of the boardwalks between the tents... no privacy at all! That wasn't for #2, though!:D
Wynn:)
Wynn, have you ever thought you'd like to visit Danang & Cam Rahn again ... today, though, not back then again? Every once in a while I think it might be interesting.
RevRay
05-16-2013, 03:52 PM
BTW, Jeepster, the Anger Management was really funny.
wyntrout
05-16-2013, 04:29 PM
Wynn, have you ever thought you'd like to visit Danang & Cam Rahn again ... today, though, not back then again? Every once in a while I think it might be interesting.
I like clean air, water, and protection from the heat and insects AND carrying my own protection, so no, I don't even want to go back to Europe. Been there, done that, and prefer to stay in the Land of the Free. Those other places were more fun way back when I was there. I was very armed at Danang... S&W .38 AND M16... and Europe wasn't full of terrorists in the mid-80's... though we did have some terrorist bombings while I was there. When I took my wife-to-be to the airport for her departure in June '85 we had to walk past a bomb crater in the floor where and man and his young daughter died in a bombing inside the airport!
I like to BLEND IN when playing tourist, too.
Wynn:D
The Officers get quilted Charmin, enlisted men get the Dollar Store generic.
That was the old days. Today they both get industrial. But we still gots two different "restrooms". Just that now they're labeled Men and Women.
OldLincoln
05-16-2013, 07:48 PM
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana, he performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter after the break.
~Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It’s a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it, however, the crack of my arse was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my arse.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t **** for two days because my arse was swollen shut.
So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your backside.
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish-bad day?
May you never have a jellyfish-bad day!
jocko
05-16-2013, 08:13 PM
that is just to original to be anything but a true story..
OldLincoln
05-17-2013, 12:10 PM
If he were in the military he would have gotten a Purple Heart for have a Jellyfish jammed up his wazzoo. Can't you see him returning to his hometown and trying to describe his injury!
jeepster09
05-19-2013, 05:00 PM
Chicago math quiz: There's some serious math in here. It's good to see that Chicago students are being seriously challenged.
Chicago Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations.
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________
1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shooting. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload ?
2. Willie has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his sh!t ?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit ?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20%profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside ?
5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and$1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail ?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out ?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over ?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of b!tches Tyrone knocked up ?
9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked ?
jeepster09
05-19-2013, 05:04 PM
Someone said this was Jocko in his earlier days doin rap....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx7kzarSwGE
Bawanna
05-20-2013, 05:36 PM
Subject: SHIPWRECK ED
A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus cloud...s. The breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi.
That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze. Perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those “feelings” again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn’t had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, “take the dog for a walk.”
jocko
05-20-2013, 05:45 PM
Someone said this was Jocko in his earlier days doin rap....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx7kzarSwGE
I can do rap, with no problem today. at my age today it is kinda in slow motion but my words are very understandable:Amflag2:
somewhere around here I have my rap video that I did on my 60th birthday:blah::blah:
jocko
05-20-2013, 05:48 PM
thats sick colonel. putting a poor dog in that position. Just plum sick. Just sayin
semper vulgare.
Planedude
05-20-2013, 09:05 PM
Jacko, If you can understand all the words and phrases, then its my understanding, that's not Rap...:D
Bawanna
05-20-2013, 09:11 PM
Jacko, If you can understand all the words and phrases, then its my understanding, that's not Rap...:D
Are you implying that you can understand everything Jocko says around here.
If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck and is served under glass, it's a duck.
Jocko IS Rap, not that I'm any authority on jungle music or anything like that.
kahrseye
05-21-2013, 08:53 AM
My name is Barney Frank and I endorse Weiner/Holder.
deadeye
05-21-2013, 09:23 AM
Weiner Holder. Is that a name or a statement?
Bawanna
05-21-2013, 11:10 AM
Weiner Holder. Is that a name or a statement?
My guess is both.
JFootin
05-21-2013, 11:32 AM
I don't think Holder has a weiner. Sure has some balls, though. :mad:
MW surveyor
05-21-2013, 12:49 PM
On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.
On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft back ground music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.
He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.. Nothing worked!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, They put Their House on the Market.............but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to adjust the divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.
Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth ... but only if he would sign the papers that very day.
He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.
A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU? :yo:
OldLincoln
05-21-2013, 04:02 PM
I like that one! .... Here's one I don't like.
I don't know why Obama's internet tax proposal popped into my head but it did along with the realization of how it is going to further punish the economy. Think for a moment where everything is made... China. Those things have to be shipped here, the cost of which is added to the retail price. If Obama adds on internet sales tax, what's to keep China from opening their version of Amazon online and sell directly to USA citizens. The final price should be the same or less than it is now, without sales tax. The brick and mortar shops will remain in peril, and the American on-line businesses will dry up.
Am I wrong?
We are in desperate financial need of a national VAT.
OldLincoln
05-21-2013, 06:55 PM
How will a national VAT recognize internet sales from a foreign country? It's liked buying a bottle of whiskey at the liquor store and the clerk slips it into a paper bag concealing it from view. You may have a good idea what's in the bag but can't prove it without looking inside.
All taxes tied into the retail sales venue can be avoided through barter, out of country purchase, etc. CA doesn't allow most firearms, but they can be, and are, still acquired.
yqtszhj
05-21-2013, 08:19 PM
We just need the gubment to stop spending so much.
kahrseye
05-21-2013, 08:40 PM
We just need the gubment to stop spending so much.
We have a BINGO! :amflag:
The last thing we need is another tax.
Bawanna
05-21-2013, 09:58 PM
I only heard of this last wednesday. I have no information and I'm not involved.
Gotta be Weiner and Holder. Pick one to throw under the bus.
Barth
05-22-2013, 06:22 AM
I only heard of this last wednesday. I have no information and I'm not involved.
Gotta be Weiner and Holder. Pick one to throw under the bus.
Throwing just one under the bus is like eating just one potato chip.
We are going to need a bigger bus.
How will a national VAT recognize internet sales from a foreign country? It's liked buying a bottle of whiskey at the liquor store and the clerk slips it into a paper bag concealing it from view. You may have a good idea what's in the bag but can't prove it without looking inside.
All taxes tied into the retail sales venue can be avoided through barter, out of country purchase, etc. CA doesn't allow most firearms, but they can be, and are, still acquired.
You're missing my point. If it becomes another federal revenue source it doesn't matter if it's even or fair. It gives the US Gov't more control over the States and overall more money to waste. Then benefits won't have to be cut nor income taxes raised and everyone can go back to not caring.
JFootin
05-22-2013, 07:30 PM
IMO, a much, much better solution is the Fair Tax, fully implemented as designed, which includes the dissolution of the IRS. That, and a very serious return to the limited government intended by the founding fathers.
wyntrout
05-22-2013, 08:06 PM
The government doesn't need more money. It needs less so that it doesn't continue to grow until it surpasses our Gross national Product. It needs to be starved and pruned of duplicative programs... many of which do nothing but add to the growing bureaucracies that are sucking our nation dry of its lifeblood!
The VAT would be on TOP of the already over-burdensome and unwieldy tax code system that we have! It would be just one more tax that would keep increasing!
The Fair Tax which is contingent on repeal of the current tax code, would be the best system... and the fairest!
Wynn:)
The government doesn't need more money. It needs less so that it doesn't continue to grow until it surpasses our Gross national Product. It needs to be starved and pruned of duplicative programs... many of which do nothing but add to the growing bureaucracies that are sucking our nation dry of its lifeblood!
The VAT would be on TOP of the already over-burdensome and unwieldy tax code system that we have! It would be just one more tax that would keep increasing!
The Fair Tax which is contingent on repeal of the current tax code, would be the best system... and the fairest!
Wynn:)
Your point being what? One thing I really like about VAT that is it's regressive. Regressive taxes being the fairest imo..With VAT every one pays their consumptive fair share.
yqtszhj
05-22-2013, 10:45 PM
Throwing just one under the bus is like eating just one potato chip.
We are going to need a bigger bus.
Lots of Weiner Holder's in Washington. Vote all the rascals out then give them that bus ride.
I want a new gun. What to get...???? :rolleyes:
Barth
05-23-2013, 06:26 AM
I want a new gun. What to get...???? :rolleyes:
I haven't bought a new gun in what seems like several lifetimes (a few months).
Got $2K set aside for a Stainless HK USP Match 45.
But have no idea when that gun may surface.
I've ordered a variety of range ammo in several calibers.
Swapped out various grip panels and back straps on my HK guns.
Trying very hard to stay occupied while I wait.
Honestly, I'm not holding up very well.
http://www.imfdb.org/images/d/d8/Underworld_USP2.jpg
wyntrout
05-23-2013, 04:12 PM
I'm not doing too bad. I just installed a Ghost 3.5 Trigger in my wife's G19 while waiting on my daughter to download her first baby. Then I practiced a bit with the LaserLyte and reaction targets. I don't want to get too far from any of the phones. I just had my second call from my Ex and my daughter was up to 5 cm dilation about half an hour ago. The doctor induced labor today and she should deliver within the next few hours... or so!
I haven't done too much today... but that's normal for me!
Wynn:D
getsome
05-23-2013, 04:28 PM
We expect to be the first ones to know....Good luck to Mama and baby!!!
wyntrout
05-23-2013, 04:40 PM
Thanks! They are both doing well... but granddaughter is taking her own sweet time, though the doctor has been moving things along.
I got some parts in from Midway today... and was thinking of installing the Majestic 3.2 Speed Strip Kit into my 22/45 Lite, but didn't want to get too carried away.
Well, Wifey's pulling up.
Later!
Wynn:)
wyntrout
05-24-2013, 01:53 AM
Well, Cayla Alana finally arrived at 1:14 AM CDT! She weighed 7 lbs 10 ounces and is 21 inches long. My Ex said she's beautiful... takes after her mother, I guess.
NOW I'm a grandfather! We plan to go see them early next month... our family reunion for the year!
Wynn:)
MW surveyor
05-24-2013, 06:04 AM
Congratulations, Wynn on becoming a grandfather!
wyntrout
05-24-2013, 09:50 AM
Thanks. I'm feeling a lot better about that status now.:D I can't wait to see a picture of mother and child. I need to update my calendar program. It doesn't work on Windows 7 and I have to add a bunch of events!
Wynn:)
getsome
05-24-2013, 09:59 AM
Congrats to you sir!!!...Glad to hear all went well with mom and baby...Grandchildren are God's blessing to parents of the new parents....You can spoil them rotten, buy um the loudest most obnoxious toys in the store, fill them up with sugar and energy drinks and then take them back home to mom and dad!!!...:rolleyes:....
bob98366
05-24-2013, 11:21 AM
Wynn, congrats. Grandkids are much better than kids...:)
wyntrout
05-24-2013, 11:24 AM
Especially when they are over 800 miles away... no babysitting!
But... it's a long drive to the People's Democratic Republic of Illinois, too!
I can't wait to see some pictures and then go see the whole family!
Wynn:D
Bawanna
05-24-2013, 12:13 PM
Congrats Wynn. It's ok to spoil em from afar or at least I've been told that. I don't have any yet. I think my son in law is still scared to death of me, I try to convince him he's been approved or he'd be dead but he still walks on egg shells around me. Hard to figure.
We started family late in life so I don't expect I'll have many if any grand kids. In some ways I'm ok with that and in others I wouldn't mind. I like kids better than most adults. I seem to thrive on being a bad example so I like to mess them up young.
Take us a few pics when you visit. Our best to the new mom and family.
wyntrout
05-24-2013, 12:28 PM
Thanks! I'm waiting for someone to take pictures and send them or post them. Wifey and I are looking forward to a roadtrip. I'll get to stop at the Armory Outpost in Tennessee and probably shop a bit in Paducah, KY, before passing into the PDRI, where the corrupt politicians in Chicago wield enough power to curtail citizens' right to self defense in that state! Paducah is a good stop... Sam's Club, Gander Mountain, Super Walmart and other places to shop... that don't have any restrictions on buying ammo, either... unless you're from IL! Also, I can remove, unload, and lock up my lawfully carried... to that point... concealed carry pistol... a Kahr, of course!
Wynn:)
DeaconKC
05-25-2013, 01:45 PM
Congrats Wyn! Where in Illinois are you heading? I'm in the south part myself.
wyntrout
05-26-2013, 10:37 AM
Pretty far South... Marion. :)
Just saw this online... pocket carry:rolleyes:... no holster?
http://news.yahoo.com/video/man-accidentally-shoots-self-jupiter-153653920.html
Sorry about the ad... didn't have that when I saw it. I was checking a link on the Mars, Jupiter, Venus alignment tonight. Jupiter.:D
Wynn:)
RevRay
05-26-2013, 03:34 PM
Well, Cayla Alana finally arrived at 1:14 AM CDT! She weighed 7 lbs 10 ounces and is 21 inches long. My Ex said she's beautiful... takes after her mother, I guess.
NOW I'm a grandfather! We plan to go see them early next month... our family reunion for the year!
Wynn:)
Congratulations, Wynn! Enjoy your visit when the time comes, and be sure to play it safe when you drive across the Ohio River. Some places assume the 2nd Amendment was just some form of a joke.
wyntrout
05-26-2013, 06:01 PM
I'm trying to fix supper, but thought I would try to post the only photo I have so far. It's a little dark, but Cayla is alert and really focused... like "What the heck do you want!?" It's a cell phone picture from sometime Friday and kind of dark, but she has blonde hair and really blue eyes... so I'm told! I just talked to my daughter Sharon about an hour or so ago and her husband just got back from Marion... back to the hospital in Saint Louis. Sharon and Cayla are doing well. Cayla is on anti-seizure medication and sleeping a lot. The doctors think she may have had a seizure before the birth, but the medication is helping and maybe she'll be able to develop and grow out of any problem. She certainly was alert and responsive... and ate well... fed by bottle. Hopefully we'll get more info and pictures to post, but that's it for now. Grandfather Wynn... not up to Gramps or Grandpa... yet!
GROTMAN
05-26-2013, 06:12 PM
Wyn ..congrats on being a grandfather. Think this should be your next purchase..;)
http://www.hunt101.com/data/500/medium/Baby_Holster.jpg
Tinman507
05-26-2013, 06:27 PM
Wyn,
Congratulations Grandpa!! She's beautiful!! She's gonna break hearts for sure.
wyntrout
05-26-2013, 08:32 PM
Blonde with blue eyes... and maybe an attitude... I can't wait to see her!
Wynn:D
RevRay
05-26-2013, 09:05 PM
She's a cutie pie, Wynn. Be sure to post a picture of you holding her when the time comes.
wyntrout
05-26-2013, 09:33 PM
I sure will! There's just something special about little girls! For one thing, they grow up into young ladies!
Wynn:)
JFootin
05-26-2013, 10:31 PM
Congratulations Wynn! She's beautiful! :) I have a new great grand niece named Rachel Ann and she's a beauty, too. She and mother Anna are doing well.
http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee486/John_England/JENGLAND-PC/Me/RachelAnnwithMomAnna_zps7d41076b.jpg
LOL! Every picture I have of her so far, she is asleep. :D
LorenzoB
05-26-2013, 11:45 PM
Congrats Gramps!
wyntrout
05-27-2013, 04:30 AM
Yes, and what a great picture, John! Congratulations to you and your family!
Wynn:)
Barth
05-27-2013, 02:10 PM
http://www.reelfilm.com/images/dinocroc.jpghttp://cps-static.rovicorp.com/2/Open/Sci%20Fi/Dinocroc%20vs.%20Supergator/_derived_jpg_q90_410x410_m0/NUP_140748_0001.jpg?partner=allrovi.comhttp://www.chud.com/nextraimages/dinocroc02.jpg
http://www.foywonder.com/iB_html/uploads/post-1-69261-SUPERGATOR_4.jpghttp://www.locoav.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/2011-05-23_144207.jpghttp://2.bp.blogspot.com/-k-Wit_BMQi0/TvARwHLLCXI/AAAAAAABCBo/8OSlp2HLQMA/s1600/Sharktopus-Syfy-Movie-September-2010.jpghttp://screeninvasion.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/gatw_sharktopus3.jpg
Barth
05-27-2013, 02:22 PM
http://cinematerror.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/piranhaconda.jpg
DeaconKC
05-27-2013, 03:21 PM
Congrts to both of you! Wyn, I'm just 8 miles from Marion,
jeepster09
05-27-2013, 10:17 PM
Doctor/patient sex
A doctor had sex with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head
that said: "Don't worry about it.
You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients
and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."
But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,
whispering..........
"You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."
jeepster09
05-29-2013, 10:09 PM
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red,orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
Bawanna
05-30-2013, 03:11 PM
At the Minneapolis Marriage Counter.....
"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers?? You can't get married."
"Why not?? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've
been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you
can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I
have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a
woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us
just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
Keep going?
"Hi. We are here to get married."
Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert,
Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves
June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that
we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says?? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.
The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the
constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
Still going?
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself?? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to
marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it!? I quit!!? You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"
And they didn't even get to people who love their animals.
jeepster09
05-30-2013, 03:39 PM
At the Minneapolis Marriage Counter.....
"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers?? You can't get married."
"Why not?? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've
been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you
can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I
have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a
woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us
just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
Keep going?
"Hi. We are here to get married."
Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert,
Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves
June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that
we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says?? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.
The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the
constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
Still going?
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself?? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to
marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it!? I quit!!? You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"
And they didn't even get to people who love their animals.
Wow.....you were there and saw that too at city hall :eek: That was on Monday, if my memory is correct.;)
TheTman
05-30-2013, 05:21 PM
I lost sight temporarily after viewing this photo, I thought I'd post it and see if anyone else had the same reaction: Meet Jocelyn Wildenstein (Frankenstein?)
http://kartalk.pccomps.com/catwoman.jpg
jocko
05-30-2013, 05:29 PM
put a sack over her head and the rest IMO would pass OK. Just sayin. becareful removing the sack,as u might want to use it again: semper vulgare.
jeepster09
05-30-2013, 06:15 PM
Here is her ??mate!
yqtszhj
05-30-2013, 06:16 PM
I'm blind!!!!!!!!
Actually I think that is Michael Jackson inside out.
wyntrout
05-30-2013, 10:15 PM
Dang! Gross pictures! I finally got some photos a little while ago from my daughter. Click on my avatar and check out the album on the right.
Wynn:D
tv_racin_fan
05-31-2013, 02:52 AM
Your point being what? One thing I really like about VAT that is it's regressive. Regressive taxes being the fairest imo..With VAT every one pays their consumptive fair share.
Every last drop of the VAT is passed onto the consumer AND it is on top of the already to much taxes we already pay. THAT is what is not to like about the VAT, sir!
LorenzoB
05-31-2013, 08:37 AM
I lost sight temporarily after viewing this photo, I thought I'd post it and see if anyone else had the same reaction: Meet Jocelyn Wildenstein (Frankenstein?)
http://kartalk.pccomps.com/catwoman.jpg
Hey,
If she was going for the "severe allergic reaction" look, I think the doctor nailed it!
Barth
05-31-2013, 08:42 AM
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MojqiObU63w/TT4TV02JJXI/AAAAAAAACK0/52N0cH0hYSE/s1600/texas-tech-swimteam.jpg
jeepster09
05-31-2013, 12:54 PM
To further clense our eyes....
getsome
05-31-2013, 01:19 PM
Looks like my screensaver picture just got replaced....:D
b.dawson
05-31-2013, 02:10 PM
Congrts to both of you! Wyn, I'm just 8 miles from Marion,
I'm only 18miles from there!
DeaconKC
06-01-2013, 09:02 PM
BD, I shoot at Williamson County Gun Club. Where you at?
To further clense our eyes....
Not for me. Fat legs...
JFootin
06-02-2013, 02:54 PM
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure."
Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
jeepster09
06-02-2013, 06:58 PM
That was good.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MojqiObU63w/TT4TV02JJXI/AAAAAAAACK0/52N0cH0hYSE/s1600/texas-tech-swimteam.jpg
Ahhhh....wish you'd posted this sooner. They're all too old for us now.
jocko
06-02-2013, 08:04 PM
texas tech ur ass, those are the new catholic church nuns class of 2013..
b.dawson
06-03-2013, 10:04 PM
BD, I shoot at Williamson County Gun Club. Where you at?
Benton. I usually shoot at my brother-in-laws house or at Ten Mile range near Mcleansboro. Is Williamson County club members only? Waiting list? Price?
LorenzoB
06-03-2013, 10:21 PM
It is June. Don't upset the Colonel.
DeaconKC
06-04-2013, 07:46 PM
Members only $125 a year, gotta be a NRA member and we were accepting applications last I heard.
http://wcgunclub.org/
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