court reporters.

[jocko]

WTF??? HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
>> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, ... word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
>>
>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
>> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>> ______________________________ _
>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>> ______________________________ ______________
>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>> ______________________________ ______________
>> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>> WITNESS: July 18th.
>> ATTORNEY: What year?
>> WITNESS: Every year.
>> ______________________________ _______
>> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>> ______________________________ ___
>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>> WITNESS: I forget..
>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>> ______________________________ _____________
>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>> ______________________________ ______
>>
>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
>> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
>> ______________________________ _____________
>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>> ______________________________ ___________
>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>> WITNESS: Getting laid
>> ______________________________ ______________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>> WITNESS: None.
>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
>> ______________________________ ______________
>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>> WITNESS: By death..
>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>> ______________________________ _____________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>> ______________________________ _______
>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>> ______________________________ ________
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>> ______________________________ ___________
>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>> WITNESS: Oral...
>> ______________________________ ___________
>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>> ______________________________ ______________
>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>>
>> ______________________________ ________
>> And last:
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>> WITNESS: No..
>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[TheTman]

LOL, I wonder why so many liberals are attracted to becoming Lawyers. I guess so they can display their stupidity in public?

[jocko]

thew last comment really was so so funny,IMO.

[JFootin]

That's some funny stuff, jocko! :D It amazes me how many people are that dumb, yet they get through life, have jobs, careers, families. I have said for a long time that we need an IQ test to qualify for a driver's license. There wouldn't be any traffic jams! And we sure need an even higher minimum IQ to qualify for political positions. Higher again for president. Trouble is, BO would probably qualify!

[AJBert]

That's some funny stuff, jocko! :D It amazes me how many people are that dumb, yet they get through life, have jobs, careers, families. I have said for a long time that we need an IQ test to qualify for a driver's license. There wouldn't be any traffic jams! And we sure need an even higher minimum IQ to qualify for political positions. Higher again for president. Trouble is, BO would probably qualify!

Unfortunately, as one has a higher IQ their common sense tends to decline. Very few people have both a high IQ and loads of common sense.

On the other hand, low IQ and lack of common sense seem to be a combination that is in abundance in this country and through out the world.

[JFootin]

Unfortunately, as one has a higher IQ their common sense tends to decline. Very few people have both a high IQ and loads of common sense.

On the other hand, low IQ and lack of common sense seem to be a combination that is in abundance in this country and through out the world.

That is so true! Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory is based on that truth. The boy is so brilliant in theoretical physics and has an eidetic memory. But he is dumber than dumb in every other way.

I see a tiny bit of myself there. I have a high IQ and am very gifted in engineering and design. I can see the big picture and understand many things on a deep level. But I lack common sense and worldly wisdom, and have never seemed to fit in this world. I was socially awkward when young; have finally grown out of that. I am morbidly introspective and critical of myself. This manifested when I was young as very low self esteem, but I have learned that I am OK. I see people who seem to have a perfect balance of intelligence and worldly wisdom, and they seem to fit in and do everything well. I wish I were more balanced like that.

[yqtszhj]

That courtroom stuff is some kind of funny.

[ltxi]

Unfortunately, as one has a higher IQ their common sense tends to decline. Very few people have both a high IQ and loads of common sense.

On the other hand, low IQ and lack of common sense seem to be a combination that is in abundance in this country and through out the world.

I had a very high IQ once. I abdicated in favor of common sense.