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View Full Version : Airline Humor...The Good Ole Days



MD_Vet
07-02-2013, 08:12 PM
Real Men Flew the Boeing 707, 727 and the DC-8's!!!

Those were the good old days.

Pilots back then were men that didn't want to be women or girlymen.

Pilots all knew who Jimmy Doolittle was.

Pilots drank coffee, whiskey, smoked cigars and didn't wear digital watches.

They carried their own suitcases and brain bags like the real men that they were.

Pilots didn't bend over into the crash position multiple times each day in front of the passengers at security so that some Government agent could probe for tweezers or fingernail clippers or too much toothpaste.

Pilots did not go through the terminal impersonating a caddy pulling a bunch of golf clubs, computers, guitars, and feed bags full of tofu and granola on a sissy-trailer with no hat and granny glasses hanging on a pink string around their pencil neck while talking to their personal trainer on the cell phone!!!

Being an Airline Captain was as good as being the King in a Mel Brooks movie. All the Stewardesses (aka Flight Attendants) were young, attractive, single women that were proud to be combatants in the sexual revolution. They didn't have to turn sideways, grease up and suck it in to get through the cockpit door. They would blush and say thank you when told that they looked good, instead of filing a sexual harassment claim. Junior Stewardesses shared a room and talked about men, with no thoughts of substitution.

Passengers wore nice clothes and were polite, they could speak AND understand English. They didn't speak gibberish or listen to loud gangsta rap on their IPods. They bathed and didn't smell like a rotting pile of garbage in a jogging suit and flip-flops.

Children didn't travel alone, commuting between trailer parks. There were no mongol hordes asking for a seat belt extension or a Scotch and grapefruit juice cocktail with a twist.

If the Captain wanted to throw some offensive, ranting jerk off the airplane, it was done without any worries of a lawsuit or getting fired.

Axial flow engines crackled with the sound of freedom and left an impressive black smoke trail like a locomotive burning soft coal.

Jet fuel was cheap and once the throttles were pushed up they were left there, after all it was the jet age and the idea was to go fast (run like a lizard on a hardwood floor).

Economy cruise was something in the performance book, but no one knew why or where it was.

When the clacker went off no one got all tight and scared because Boeing built it out of iron, nothing was going to fall off and that sound had the same effect on real pilots then as Viagra does now for those new age guys.

There was very little plastic and no composites on the airplanes or the Stewardesses' pectoral regions.

Airplanes and women had eye pleasing symmetrical curves, not a bunch of ugly vortex generators, ventral fins, winglets, flow diverters, tattoos, rings in their nose, tongues and eyebrows.

Airlines were run by men like Howard Hughes and Juan Trippe who had built their companies virtually from scratch, knew many of their employees by name and were lifetime airline employees themselves� not pseudo financiers and bean counters who flit from one occupation to another for a few bucks, a better golden parachute or a fancier title while fervently believing that they are a class of beings unto themselves.

And so it was back then, and never will be again!

source: http://fijipensioners.com/2012/10/13/real-men-flew-the-boeing-707-727-and-the-dc-8s/

ltxi
07-02-2013, 08:33 PM
yeah...really humorous/funny....

OldLincoln
07-02-2013, 10:44 PM
And... airline prices were government regulated and it cost $107 to fly round trip from LA to San Francisco. Airlines made a fair living and employees got paid. Now only a few airlines charge out of sight prices. Sounds a lot like NAFTA and International Free Trade.

Do kid yourself, "they" knew this would happen when they did it because this is what they wanted.

muggsy
07-03-2013, 07:21 AM
Take me back to the days when the stews wore mini skirts and didn't have balls. You guys don't know what you missed.

JohnR
07-03-2013, 07:33 AM
Airline pilots might have been "kings" but they had sh*tty marriages and rotten home lives because of the lifestyle. Many still do.


Airplanes and women had eye pleasing symmetrical curves, not a bunch of ugly vortex generators, ventral fins, winglets, flow diverters, tattoos, rings in their nose, tongues and eyebrows.The 707 had vortex generators, flow diverters, and a ventral fin. The antenna on top of the vertical stabilizer was, of course, a phallic symbol showing how studly the plane was. :D

I agree that winglets look kind of like limp wrists the way they flop in turbulence, but they do save a bit of fuel.

Longitude Zero
07-03-2013, 08:27 AM
And back then planes fell outta the sky with much greater frequency than now. As far as commercial aviation today is so much better than back then. My uncle retired from TWA and he loved the newer more modern tech.

He once had to practically hand fly a 707 from St Louis to JFK with an autopilot that turned itself off more than it actually worked. Talk about a Herculean task.

Tyme49
07-03-2013, 10:57 AM
This is GREAT ~ Thanks for posting!

BTW, as a 'Vintage Flieger' type, I really DO appreciate BOTH the humor AND the common sense in the OP!

OldLincoln
07-03-2013, 11:50 AM
I had a lot of flights but one of the most memorable was with a new airline flying from San Jose CA to Fresno CA in a Goonie Bird. It had 1 seat on each side of the isle and a very short, very cute stewardess. She told me the maximum height was 5'0" for the job. After takeoff, she took drink orders as she walked to the back then opened an Igloo ice chest where the drinks were stored. We flew low enough to really see the landscape including a few animals in the fields. All went well but my flights were usually to the larger cities so I never flew them again.