Augusts Auspicious Announcements and Alternative Assemblages of Abstractions

[Tinman507]

A little early but I had an alliteration attack. Topic has passed the Bawanna test.

[wyntrout]

Announcements? Wifey and I will be "dealing" at the gun show this weekend in Jacksonville at the Morocco Shriners' Temple. Y'all come visit and buy something. :D

We have all kinds of stuff... including guns, ammo, and over-priced Glock magazines. For some reason the latter aren't selling well.:rolleyes: Danged supply and demand swung against me! I did sell some XD45 mags, though, at the show last weekend.

Wynn:)

[GROTMAN]

My first attempt at an alliteration
Baby boomer Bawanna bought a big new buntline. :behindsofa:

[Bawanna]

My first attempt at an alliteration
Baby boomer Bawanna bought a big new buntline. :behindsofa:

Correction,

Baby boomer Bawanna wanted to buy a big new Buntline! Badly! BUT wife didn't Believe the bank could balance that beauty. B!tch

[RevRay]

Correction, Baby boomer Bawanna wanted to buy a big new Buntline! Badly! BUT wife didn't Believe the bank could balance that beauty. B!tch

Boy!

[olympicmotorcars]

Bravo!

[jeepster09]

Your President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"
Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!"
Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Obama:
"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you.
Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check."
Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
"So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank... there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't have a clue."
Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?

[mr surveyor]

August?

I will be in Anchorage Alaska on August 1st:D (Actually starting on July 27)

If anyone is trying to pick me out of the crowd, I'll be the studly looking old guy carrying nothing but a collapsible walking stick.

[Tinman507]

You GOTTA check this video out. Very creepy

4E8BlcNAC6s

[getsome]

Hello 911, I need a bambulance.....:eek:...........http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7AB9rzIJPM

[wyntrout]

I suspected that, but I love watching the reactions to people watching that on their computers.

Wynn:D

[Bawanna]

You GOTTA check this video out. Very creepy

4E8BlcNAC6s

I can't look, I'm skeered of ghost.

[muggsy]

You GOTTA check this video out. Very creepy

4E8BlcNAC6s

Saw that one coming. Nice try though. :)

[GROTMAN]

Another "well planned" caper gone awry :rolleyes:
: Man brings knife, bat to gun store robbery

By KOIN 6 News staff Updated: Thursday, July 25, 2013, 9:44 pm Published: Thursday, July 25, 2013, 7:45 pm

http://3eb719iiwsg2zvm0i2ib5oy1a0p.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2013/07/7-25-13-Derrick-Mosley.jpg
Derrick Mosley as shown in a booking photo provided by the Washington County Sheriff's Office Thursday, July 25, 2013. (WCSO)
PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — The Discount Gun Sales shop at 8118 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway is closed Thursday night, following a reported robbery attempt.
Around 4 p.m. a man carrying a 9-inch knife and a baseball bat entered the gun shop and smashed a display case, according to the Washington County Sheriff’s Office. His apparent aim? An unloaded semi-automatic handgun.
http://3eb719iiwsg2zvm0i2ib5oy1a0p.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2013/07/7-25-13-Glass_Gun_Case-300x224.jpg (http://3eb719iiwsg2zvm0i2ib5oy1a0p.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2013/07/7-25-13-Glass_Gun_Case.jpg)The shattered gun case at the Discount Gun Sales shot on SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway as of July 25, 2013. (Courtesy of the Washington County Sheriff’s Office.)

The store’s manager then grabbed his own gun. That gun, however, was loaded.
“The store manager called Sheriff’s Deputies and reported the man smashed a display case and removed a handgun,” according to a sheriff’s office news release. “The manager said he had his gun pointed at the robber, keeping him detained until the deputies arrived.”
The suspect has been identified by the sheriff’s office as 22-year-old Derrick Mosley.
“Mosley is lucky to be alive,” Ray said.
The 22-year-old has been arrested, and faces charges that include First Degree Robbery, First Degree Theft, Unlawful Possession of a Firearm, and Second Degree Criminal Mischief. He’s being held at the Washington County Jail on $250,000 bail.
Mosley has previous convictions for Criminal Trespassing and Disorderly Conduct in Multnomah County, according to KOIN’s criminal records search.
Sheriff’s Office Spokesperson Bob Ray told KOIN 6 News that the manager of the store isn’t ready to talk to media and ended up closing up shop for the day.
“Fortunately, no one was injured in the robbery,” Ray reported in the news release. “It is not known what Mr. Mosley’s intentions were once he had the handgun in his possession.”

[LorenzoB]

Mosley and others like him don't think too far ahead do they? I bet it seemed like a foolproof plan to him in his head. If public schools taught more critical thinking and the understanding of consequences, maybe there would be fewer Moseleys out there. That kid is lucky to see a jail cell instead of a morgue!

[bob98366]

Given his priors, jail is just a temporary hiatus until the grim reaper arrives for Mosley. Jail is just a post-graduate degree institution where the BGs make contacts and learn new techniques. Plus the students/inmates get free room and board.

[Tinman507]

https://sphotos-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1001230_10151641215442740_1844155789_n.jpg

[ltxi]

https://sphotos-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1001230_10151641215442740_1844155789_n.jpg

Ahhh....this be good!

[LorenzoB]

That is awesome!

[b4uqzme]

watch...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK3Eo9cScEQ

[b4uqzme]

and watch....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAWuro5-B0Y

[GROTMAN]

I failed..:(
http://i.imgur.com/Hk5p0Ma.jpg
Yes she does have a six shooter in her hand, If you saw that first, well you really do belong on this forum.

[ltxi]

I guess I failed, also. Couldn't help but first focus on the not all that great face and then on the ugly fake boobs.

[Bawanna]

Wow, my first focus was the Richfield sign!

Where do I belong. The six shooter is very nice though, no doubt.

[OldLincoln]

Damnnnnn TinMan! I'm just now getting my blood pressure and pulse back onto this planet! Wooohooo man I guess I'm a sucker cause I was so focused on the car and comfortably going with the music when my heart almost stopped. You got me good. I think that's worth at least 2 heads Jocko! It'll probably be funny tomorrow or next week. Gasppppp....

[LorenzoB]

I was trying to figure out why she had some rifle rounds in her belt. What is that? .223 maybe? That wheelgun ain't gonna run that.

[ltxi]

I was trying to figure out why she had some rifle rounds in her belt. What is that? .223 maybe? That wheelgun ain't gonna run that.

.45 Colt

[jocko]

u guys make me sick to my stomach. She is someone daughter.Is that a Python in hier hand??

[GROTMAN]

Incredible slam dunk!!


http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/FlsUfiL.gif (http://uberhumor.com/random_button.php)

[jocko]

I can do that andI only weight 170# andhere I thought all blacks couldjump. Just sayin

[GROTMAN]

Yep..so much for stereotypes ..:rolleyes:

[ltxi]

u guys make me sick to my stomach. She is someone daughter.Is that a Python in hier hand??

a...good

b...all wimmen seem to have that issue. some survive it better than others.

c....kinda looks like one

[LorenzoB]

.45 Colt

That is what it should be, but I think you must be focusing elsewhere. The rounds are cut off a little at the bottom o the photo, but if you look on her right side you will see a necked round that is much longer than a .45 Colt.

[ltxi]

That is what it should be, but I think you must be focusing elsewhere. The rounds are cut off a little at the bottom o the photo, but if you look on her right side you will see a necked round that is much longer than a .45 Colt.

Yeah, you're right. Overall, a seriously dumb ass pic, imo.

[GROTMAN]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/q71/971194_467133480049979_25512838_n.jpg

[Bawanna]

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry!
Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got
a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly

discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon,
so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in
as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had

been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always
run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?'
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you
always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope..just when it's raining.'

[ltxi]

Nancy had a boyfriend? Poor, sick bastrd.

[jocko]

Her and Kenny Rogers should shoot their doctor who did the face lifts on them. They both belong on Mt.Rushmore, she looks so stoneface and Rogers eyelids are tied behindhis ears even. Both look like cluster-fokks.

She has got to be the ugliest white woman, I say white woman because no one can be uglier than Oprah. Wow u talk abpout just comin down off the trees, she is it..

[ltxi]

Her and Kenny Rogers should shoot their doctor who did the face lifts on them. They both belong on Mt.Rushmore, she looks so stoneface and Rogers eyelids are tied behindhis ears even. Both look like cluster-fokks.

She has got to be the ugliest white woman, I say white woman because no one can be uglier than Oprah. Wow u talk abpout just comin down off the trees, she is it..

Ahhh, no. Oprah's hot in comparison.

[GROTMAN]

http://media.egotvonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/128724541214753709.jpg?41ed4f

[ltxi]

Ok....still stand by whut I done said.

[GROTMAN]

I think this is her sister..:eek:
http://doblelol.com/uploads/2/current-funny-pictures.jpg

[GROTMAN]

Rarely seen photo of seal team in action..
http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/lJhzzRF.jpg (http://uberhumor.com/will-ferrel-just-tweeted-this-in-honor-of-shark-week-i-dont-know-why-i-cant-stop-laughing)

[jocko]

sure has here lips grotman....

[downtownv]

Her and Kenny Rogers should shoot their doctor who did the face lifts on them. They both belong on Mt.Rushmore, she looks so stoneface and Rogers eyelids are tied behindhis ears even. Both look like cluster-fokks.

She has got to be the ugliest white woman, I say white woman because no one can be uglier than Oprah. Wow u talk abpout just comin down off the trees, she is it..
Add Burt Reynolds in that mix!;)

[Bawanna]

Texas Police Do Care
I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying
that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story
that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.

This story involves the police department in the small hill country
town of Fredericksburg , TX who reported finding a man's body last
Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state
highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his
family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while
visiting "someone" in Kerrville . He was wearing black fishnet
stockings, 10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string,
purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false
eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.

See there, Texas police do care

[mr surveyor]

I know Fredericksburg well ..... that's the place I was first inspired by to set up my own home brewing system in 1994. We made the annual pilgrimage to FBurg for several years until the "touristers" (I won't go into detailed descriptions of the types) literally took the place over. No doubt in my mind that the dude found in the river was a tourister .... probably one of them types pouring in all the way from Austin

[OldLincoln]

I'm feeling old tonight. The CPU fan on my wife's old Gateway computer up and died in a loud squeal. So I removed it and went shopping but nobody has one that old. I finally found one on-line and it will be here in a few days. I have a room fan blowing straight into the open box and the CPU is downright comfortable.

That part's okay, but my computer which I built myself from the best components I could find those years ago gave it up with the BSOD a few months back. I've built a few although not my favorite thing, and today poked into the new technology. They haven't just improved things but changed whole concepts. They have smart chips now that will control everything including your bowels. Even the brand names don't mean squat anymore. Seems like the greats have gone though bankruptcy a time or two, been bought out or put to pasture. Feeling old alright, I fell again yesterday but not hurt. Never would have those falls 40 years ago. Got my thumb joint replace the end of July and so far so good as long as I don't screw it up in a fall.

Guess I should go fondle Dad's Colt 1911, which I think was the only brand 1911 when he won it in a raffle. Maybe have a snort of JB before I go to bed, my beer's downright watered down from these tears. Maybe listen to Hank a bit to cheer me up ("I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry").

[b4uqzme]

Cheers Linc. Tomorrow's another day. Think I'll fondle the Para with the Bawanna grips. That makes me smile. Enjoy that 1911.

[b4uqzme]

Oh and I'm partial to a little Jimmie Rodgers yodelling. But Hank would do in a pinch.

[Bawanna]

Definitely fondle the Colt. Never need an excuse to do that. Wish I was there to fondle with ya.

[jeepster09]

New Disney Movie on hold

The much looked-forward-to Walt Disney new film called "Jet Black," the non-racist version of "Snow White," has been put on hold.

All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Killer, Drive By, and Pimp, have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes.

They also say they have no intention of singing "It's Off To Work We Go"

[jeepster09]

Sven and Ole'

The judge says to 'Sven', a double-homicide defendant, " You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You lying bastard !"


The judge stops and says to 'Ole', in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood ?"


Ole stands up and says,"I'm sorry, Your Honor, but, I've been friends with Sven all my life and for the last fifteen years I've lived next door to that idiot, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

[ltxi]

I'm feeling old tonight. The CPU fan on my wife's old Gateway computer up and died in a loud squeal. So I removed it and went shopping but nobody has one that old. I finally found one on-line and it will be here in a few days. I have a room fan blowing straight into the open box and the CPU is downright comfortable.

That part's okay, but my computer which I built myself from the best components I could find those years ago gave it up with the BSOD a few months back. I've built a few although not my favorite thing, and today poked into the new technology. They haven't just improved things but changed whole concepts. They have smart chips now that will control everything including your bowels. Even the brand names don't mean squat anymore. Seems like the greats have gone though bankruptcy a time or two, been bought out or put to pasture. Feeling old alright, I fell again yesterday but not hurt. Never would have those falls 40 years ago. Got my thumb joint replace the end of July and so far so good as long as I don't screw it up in a fall.

Guess I should go fondle Dad's Colt 1911, which I think was the only brand 1911 when he won it in a raffle. Maybe have a snort of JB before I go to bed, my beer's downright watered down from these tears. Maybe listen to Hank a bit to cheer me up ("I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry").

Building/maintaining diy computers is like building daily driver Chevy small blocks. Them days be long gone or at least relegated to specialty hobby nuts.....much to my dismay as well.

Now, guns be different. Good 1911s will be forever.

So be JB.

Condolences on the health issues, seriously. I've been very, very lucky. I have a few significant thingys but they be well controlled...for now. Retirement physical Friday and doc threatened me with another couple decades of old age. Not sure about that.

[RevRay]

I know Fredericksburg well ..... that's the place I was first inspired by to set up my own home brewing system in 1994. We made the annual pilgrimage to FBurg for several years until the "touristers" (I won't go into detailed descriptions of the types) literally took the place over. No doubt in my mind that the dude found in the river was a tourister .... probably one of them types pouring in all the way from Austin

My wife & I were going to go visit Austin & Fredricksburg & some of the hill country last year. Something came up & we didn't end up doing it. Now Inknow that was probably a good thing.

[Bawanna]

I loved this.

[Bawanna]

> An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband
> reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said,
> "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I
> have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful
> to me?" Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you.
> Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years,
> but always for a good reason.
>
> Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never
> suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
> Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we
> were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the
> mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker
> and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
> Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you
> for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
> Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we
> didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I
> went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the
> surgery at no charge."
> "I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of
> course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
> "All right," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for
> president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?

[wyntrout]

Computer problems... hard drive failure?

A new service offered by our Gub'mint:
Data Recovery - when your hard drive crashes...

[Barth]

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2013/08/12/testicle-biting-fish-may-be-invading-denmark/
Jaws may not be the only one salivating as you splash.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water,
a cousin of the piranha reported to go after swimmer's testicles
has been found in coastal waters between Sweden and Denmark.

Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Natural History Museum of Denmark;
"They bite because they're hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth".

http://a57.foxnews.com/global.fncstatic.com/static/managed/img/fn2/feeds/LiveScience/660/371/pacu-teeth.jpeg?ve=1

[OldLincoln]

Aw, they only eat spinach! Well, perhaps an occasional Vienna sausage. If you're not 'Bubba's Fat Boy Dog" size ya better wear pants,

[GROTMAN]

What can a man do with three naked women?


http://i.imgur.com/in3TbD3.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/Pu2ViUl.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/B18wniw.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/3TQZxhX.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/l6cGluS.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/MeOV5OB.jpg




NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED, IS IT?

[OldLincoln]

I follow the USGA earthquakes map daily, probably because I've been though several. I noticed yesterday a 6+ the first at 6PM in Indonesia, followed by a 6+ in New Zealand 3 hours later, at 3AM the next day another 6+ in Peru and a 6.6 the next morning at 8AM in Columbia followed by a 5.3 2 hours later in southern Mexico.

In case you don't know, they are going counter clockwise exactly on the path of the Ring Of Fire. Add to that there hasn't been any serious activity in CA for quite some time and I wonder when is it going to snap. Note I say "wonder". I don't worry about it because I'm along for the ride anyway.

[yqtszhj]

I follow the USGA earthquakes map daily, probably because I've been though several. I noticed yesterday a 6+ the first at 6PM in Indonesia, followed by a 6+ in New Zealand 3 hours later, at 3AM the next day another 6+ in Peru and a 6.6 the next morning at 8AM in Columbia followed by a 5.3 2 hours later in southern Mexico.

In case you don't know, they are going counter clockwise exactly on the path of the Ring Of Fire. Add to that there hasn't been any serious activity in CA for quite some time and I wonder when is it going to snap. Note I say "wonder". I don't worry about it because I'm along for the ride anyway.

Sounds like you may be getting ready for some Rock and Roll.

[OldLincoln]

Yeah, we had half a dozen small shakers pepper mid CA yesterday and today but likely not even noticed.

This one's for all of us USAF guys:
------

A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking
at the animals on display.

While he was there, a Chief Master Sergeant
(CMSGT) from the local Air Force base walked
in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll take a
maintenance monkey, please.”

The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the
store, and took out a monkey. He put a collar and
leash on the animal and handed it to the CMSGT,
saying, “That’ll be $5,000.”

The CMSGT paid and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper and
said, “That was a very expensive monkey. Most of
them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that
one cost so much?”

The shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that was a
maintenance monkey. He can rig aircraft flight
controls, score 95 on USAF Career Development
Course tests, and perform the duties of any
maintenance officer with no back talk or complaints.
It’s well worth the money.”

The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage. “That
one’s even more expensive, $10,000! What does it
do?”

“Oh, that one is a ‘Maintenance Supervisor’ monkey!
It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise
maintenance at the unit, intermediate, and Depot level,
and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful
monkey indeed,” replied the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a
third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, $100,000.
The shocked tourist exclaimed, “That one costs more
than all the others put together! What in the world could
it do?”

"Well, I’ve never actually seen him do anything but drink
beer and play with himself, but his papers say he’s
a pilot.”

[DeaconKC]

http://i1208.photobucket.com/albums/cc372/DeaconKC/AirForce_zps886cdece.jpg (http://s1208.photobucket.com/user/DeaconKC/media/AirForce_zps886cdece.jpg.html)

[Bawanna]

Nice one Deacon. I love that.

[Bawanna]

One of the violets here's husband just got an Auto Mag today. Had him bring it in for show and tell, haven't held one for years.

She's a beast of a gun but she sure is nice. I've held a few, don't recollect I ever shot one. Bet it's pleasant to shoot due to the weight.

He paid dearly for it but he's happy so I guess that's ok too.

[GROTMAN]

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a
little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to
pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming
parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion
square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl,
and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him
endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most
gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was
behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt
right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm
a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on
the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political
affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

...and THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days...

[GROTMAN]

Subject: Polish Pickle Slicer






Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory. For
many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire
to put his ***** in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought
professional help from the factory psychologist. After six
months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist
gave up. He then advised Yossel to go ahead and do it,
otherwise he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day Yossel came home from work very early. His
wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had
happened.

For the first time, Yossel tearfully confessed to her his
tormenting desire to put his ***** in the pickle slicer. He
went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did
it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly
yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal,
completely-intact *****.

She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the
pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."

[OldLincoln]

Today's News:
-----
FRESNO, Calif. After burning for nearly a week on the edges of California's Yosemite National Park, a massive wildfire of nearly 200 square miles has now crossed into it, and firefighters have barely begun to contain it.
-----
This is 100% the consequence of the environmentalists successful campaign years ago against controlled burns to reduce the volatile underbrush that burns like a blowtorch.

Many years ago, before the Sierras became developed tourist destinations, the sheepherders ranged the flocks in the mountains all summer. When they moved the flocks out of the mountains they torched the underbrush and went on. Because they did this every year, the trees scorched along the base but didn't burn. The heat and ash popped the pine corns and the abundance of pine nuts grew into many trees. It was life in balance and worked really well.

You might think environmentalists would be ecstatic at this but they needed headlines so they fought hard in the face of scientists and independent environmentalists until they won. Now I'll venture that they will blame some idiot shooting a gun set this current burn off.

[MW surveyor]

As usual, stolen from another site!:behindsofa:

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop-N-Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.”

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.

He was not considered to be a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 2:25 for 20 minutes.

[Tinman507]

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

[getsome]

Damnit Boy!!!

[OldLincoln]

For those who enjoy reading the free novels available on Amazon, note that it's coming to a slow end. Amazon stated some months ago it is changing it's model as free books take away form sale of paid books (duh??). Now I'm seeing a lot of free books replaced by free preview. Based on my lurking on an author's forum, it likely will continue and be the new standard and they like it. Up to now I've seen a lot of first in a series books free and if I really like the first will buy the next. I suppose the preview will be enough to know if I want the series but it is a loss nonetheless.

[wyntrout]

HA! Funny, Tinman!

Wynn:D

[wyntrout]

Linc, Baen Books keeps adding more authors and books to their Free Library. I reread some old Andre Norton Books recently... some that I read back in the 50's!

Wynn:)

[Bawanna]

All I've been reading is pretty much free stuff.

I just finished One Second After at your suggestion. It was an eye opener for sure.

I've finally gotten used to my Kindle and read it some every night.

[OldLincoln]

On a serious note, I was surfing and came across this FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin (http://www.alexisartwohl.com/publications/fbibulletin.html) on the "Perceptual and Memory Distortion During Officer-Involved Shootings".

It should be a must read for CCW as it describes how your memory of events will likely be very inaccurate immediately after a defense shooting. In doing so it is an illustration why you should not go into details any more than necessary with the police at that time. Tell them that you are in shock and in no condition to be making legal statements.

They grilled Zimmerman about his statements at the scene over and over. The DA yelling at him that it could not have happened the way he said. Actually this document might make a decent case for the defense as these are trained law enforcement officers.

[Tinman507]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/1150328_10151706076977740_1690532513_n.jpg

[jocko]

All I've been reading is pretty much free stuff.

I just finished One Second After at your suggestion. It was an eye opener for sure.

I've finally gotten used to my Kindle and read it some every night.

the colonel and a kindle. WTF ,,, thats like seein ol jocko and hair lip jackson sipping on the same cup of coffee. Just sayin.

[OldLincoln]

I have several hundred books in my Kindle and it still is the same size and weight. Hey I'll bet you could even get repair and parts manuals for your scooters in it. I got my Kindle as I spend at least 10 hours a week at the doctors while my wife gets her treatments. Can only read the 2 year old issue of Car & Driver so many times. Kindle is better, much better.

BTW, how are you and 'ole Hair Lip gettin along these days anyway? He still try to kiss you when he gets close?

[wyntrout]

It's almost Ceptember!

Wifey's going to a nephew's wedding... September 11th... maybe chosen so he can remember it! At least Wifey won't be flying on or very near that date.

I'll have a week or so of "ME" time... probably just the usual procrastination and goofing off.

I did install my Volquartsen extractor and automatic bolt release(fantastic!) in my 10/22... and got the see-through mounts installed, too. I still have to install and check out the scope, too. It's a real .22 scope with neat features... the Bushnell AR/22 Rimfire Riflescope. The variable adjustment is sure stiff... won't wander!

I'll post some box pictures here and real pictures and results when I get a chance. The scope is kind of large, but I like the features. I definitely want to be able to use the iron sights for close shots.

Bushnell... a proud American company... but the scope is made in China!

Wynn:D

[Barth]

We have a three day weekend.
And next week the 2013 NFL season kicks off!

It's time for BBQs and cheerleaders.
http://www.usapics.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/nfl-cheerleaders1.jpg

[wyntrout]

"Touch" Football??

Wynn:D

[yqtszhj]

Last time someone posted a picture like that someone else spotted a man in drag in the picture. I can't spot one in this one......

[MW surveyor]

Ok, thanks for the picture. I've got one of a woman's soccer team but.........it is not pg approved. More like XXX.

Oh yea. The official thread is now September for those in the know. :0