October’s Omnibus Organization of Outstanding Out of the Ordinary Opinions

[Tinman507]

Stop me before I alliterate again. It's a sickness

[getsome]

You too?....I have to get up 4 or 5 times every night to go alliterate and when I get to the bathroom nothing happens...Sucks gettin old..

[muggsy]

Jocko's so old he doesn't bother to get out of bed sometimes when he alliterates at night. When I asked him how he he manages that he said, "Depends." :)

[mr surveyor]

October’s Omnibus Organization of Outstanding Out of the Ordinary Opinions ....of obama

[jocko]

actually I don't ge tup at ight. I am very close to the bathroom, so I just let it hang out over the stool all nite.

[jocko]

actually I don't get up at night. I am very close to the bathroom, so I just let it hang out over the stool all nite.

[Sage]

Say again.

[ltxi]

Over...

[Alfonse]

I heard three old guys talking about just that kind of problem. One getting up all night, nothing happening. The other, similar but more digestive issues. The third old guy looked at his friends and said "About seven every morning, I pee like a stallion. Soon after, maybe 7:15, I have an earth moving movement every morning. The only problem is I don't wake up until eight."

[CJB]

Man..... I wish Dietrich was still with us... he'd be able to help.

Got a problem with my toenail fungus. Its getting moldy.

Any clues for what to do?

[muggsy]

While some feel that it's a bit extreme, amputation is a sure cure for toe nail fungus.

[RevRay]

Jocko's so old he doesn't bother to get out of bed sometimes when he alliterates at night. When I asked him how he he manages that he said, "Depends." :)

Yea, but all of his alliterations are typos.

[CJB]

no no... my toenail fungus isn't on my toenail(s), I keep it in a jar on the coffee table in my family room. It gets fed regularly (toejam), but... I dunno, it was thriving, took over the entire bottom of the jar, but now... it seems to be sprouting some greyish/purple fuzz, gotta be moldy sorta stuff.

Sad in a way. I've had this fungus since it was just a little spore. Now its a humungous fungus.... part of the family, like the crippled squid my neighbor had for the longest time.

[ltxi]

My youngest dog has a pet like that. She sits there watching and guarding it for hours. At least she lets us keep a lid on the jar at night.

[Bawanna]

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off.' You're going to break something.’
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping centre.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge, A diarrhoea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

'Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?' she asks.

He says, 'I've been a doctor for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !'


You're laughing aren't you...I know you are!!!

[RevRay]

I'm grinning very very widely, because I'm reading it with other people around and I didn't want to interrupt their conversation.

[jocko]

Yea, but all of his alliterations are typos.

I have depends all over the house floors, as I have a old dog, who has problems at times. People think it is for me and put there by my loving wife. I also use depends alot when changing fluids in my motorcycle to. makes a nice protective area and soaks up pretty good to. there is more to depens rev, than just pissin in them. Just sayin:Amflag2:

[Armybrat]

Did somebody say "Oktoberfest"?

http://www.peoriagermans.net/Images/prost.jpg

[AIRret]

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off.' You're going to break something.’
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping centre.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge, A diarrhoea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

'Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?' she asks.

He says, 'I've been a doctor for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !'


You're laughing aren't you...I know you are!!!

Yes I'm laughing!!

[AIRret]

Did somebody say "Oktoberfest"?

http://www.peoriagermans.net/Images/prost.jpg

No I'm not laughing!


And yes they are criminals.

[Tinman507]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_0dRM3cTF7K0/TDGtt3D_yhI/AAAAAAAAACo/Qedf_uoIIaE/s1600/633783585754165260-oktoberfest.jpg

[jocko]

oh my!!!!! Just saying thatlittle blonde is areal cutie. I could drink a Munchen with her any day. Just sayin

[ltxi]

oh my!!!!! Just saying thatlittle blonde is areal cutie. I could drink a Munchen with her any day. Just sayin

Boobs are too big

[jocko]

I never knew there was a TOO BIG. Just sayin

In tinman photo the second from the right is a real doll baby. I can read her lips and it is saying come on ol jocko, GO FOR IT.Just sayin

[Armybrat]

Boobs are too big

Her what?

I was droolin' over that German beer.

Lot of dirty oldfarts here.

[yqtszhj]

Boobs are too big

Given Itxi's pickyness from now on Itxi will be referred to as "Goldielocks"

[Armybrat]

Jawohl!

http://feestreizen.nl/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Oktoberfest.jpg

[ltxi]

Boobs are too big


Given Itxi's pickyness from now on Itxi will be referred to as "Goldielocks"

Well...Goldielocks knows what it's like to have had a concussion and eye almost put out by a flying, oversize boob. It's enough to put one off Hooter's for life.

[wyntrout]

I went to Octoberfest in Munich 3 times 1983-1985. The first was by myself, the next with my partner-in-life-to-be... wife of 27+ years.

The beer maids didn't look nearly so nice! The liter-sized steins go pretty quickly, though, and everything looks better! They make a fortune on the "restroom" concessions... 1 Deutschmark per person usage back then... a little more than a U.S. quarter. It seems like the bier was around 5 marks or so then... the U.S. dollar being about 3 marks or so.

http://www.kahrtalk.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=1021&stc=1&d=1270140665

OUR first trip/overnight outing was to the Bad Dürkheim Weinfest in September 1984 where the wine glasses were .5 liters in size! That stuff goes quickly and is stronger!

München was one of my favorite cities during my 3-year stay at Zweibrücken Air Base, West Germany, as we called it then.

Wynn:)

[b4uqzme]

Well...Goldielocks knows what it's like to have had a concussion and eye almost put out by a flying, oversize boob. It's enough to put one off Hooter's for life.

Get back up on that horse Goldie...

[yqtszhj]

Well...Goldielocks knows what it's like to have had a concussion and eye almost put out by a flying, oversize boob. It's enough to put one off Hooter's for life.

Life is short. I think I'd like to try that :D.

[Tinman507]

Lot of dirty oldfarts here.

Present!

[Gringo Pistolero]

I went to Octoberfest in Munich 3 times 1983-1985. The first was by myself, the next with my partner-in-life-to-be... wife of 27+ years.

The beer maids didn't look nearly so nice! The liter-sized steins go pretty quickly, though, and everything looks better! They make a fortune on the "restroom" concessions... 1 Deutschmark per person usage back then... a little more than a U.S. quarter. It seems like the bier was around 5 marks or so then... the U.S. dollar being about 3 marks or so.

München was one of my favorite cities during my 3-year stay at Zweibrücken Air Base, West Germany, as we called it then.

Wynn:)

Wynn, oddly enough I was in Germany during that same time period. Coleman Barracks, near Mannheim. Unfortunately the Army had a habit of putting us in the field for 30 days or so about this time of year so I never got to Oktoberfest. Sure had some fun at the smaller festivals though!

Chuck

[wyntrout]

Hi, Chuck. Germany was my favorite country and I was so happy to be stationed there for three years... close to France, too.

I loved the German Bier and snack foods... just walking through town was like being at a fest where you could get drinks and snacks... Bretzeln... the still warm fat, soft ones that I love... or warm Brotchen and Würstchen... red for me... the Weißwurst always looked too fatty to me.:hungry:

Wynn:)

[Barth]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xWpdhnet5Hw/UhzhjU-hQNI/AAAAAAAABJs/n77xo9Vf6r4/s640/Oktoberfest2_dpa.jpghttp://www.destination360.com/europe/germany/images/s/oktoberfest-tours.jpg

[jocko]

been on 3 river cruises in Europe during Christmas season. the town squares are just awesome at that time of the year. barth pictures on the right is so typical 0f the Christmas seasons, onlyt no carnival type atmosphere I bet those cuntry's over there are laughing their asses off over our antics of our government officials..

[getsome]

Hope they got a lot of bathrooms!!!

[wyntrout]

They have large, railcar-like restrooms that they haul in for that. It's a BIG business. I sure didn't mind paying for the clean conveniences... quite "popular". I'm sure that they recycled the liquid donations... used beer!

Wynn:D

[Armybrat]

Yeah, I've seen some of those nice restroom trailers that are brought in for certain big events. Heckuva lot better than a smelly potapotty, air conditioned too.

[GROTMAN]

https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/314462_2498798352441_1069313026_n.jpg

[GROTMAN]

Cool gun safe...
http://i1227.photobucket.com/albums/ee424/imthinkinrbs/86EA6787-F889-4EF6-AFF8-D3A6AC954500-645-00000154393F967E_zps6efafccc.jpg (http://s1227.photobucket.com/user/imthinkinrbs/media/86EA6787-F889-4EF6-AFF8-D3A6AC954500-645-00000154393F967E_zps6efafccc.jpg.html)

[Buzzard45]

Very cool gun safe. Would my mossy fit in there (with the slug barrel)? Maybe a couple of Kahrs too (for back up)?

[Tinman507]

https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/556835_10151787906142740_1934007166_n.png

[jocko]

https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/556835_10151787906142740_1934007166_n.png

our congress people were sent that photo by theiur wives, that would get them back tothe table pronto. unless ur married to Pegosie's wife or einstein's wife. I think those would wantto keep the status quo. Just sayin

[ltxi]

https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/556835_10151787906142740_1934007166_n.png

too big anyway

[muggsy]

I finally figured why I'm so fascinated with breasts. I was weened too, soon.

[Tinman507]

I finally figured why I'm so fascinated with breasts. I was weened too, soon.

So what are you doing this week?

[ltxi]

I finally figured why I'm so fascinated with breasts. I was weened too, soon.

Well....I'm fascinated with them as well. Just not fake, outsized, overdone for the package. Anyone remember the Chrysler Corp street muscle cars of about four decades ago with those ridiculous, huge non functional spoiler/wings on the back? See, that wut I be talkin' about.

[jlottmc]

http://www.anonymousconservative.com/blog/touching-the-raw-amygdala-an-analysis-of-liberal-debate-tactics-preface/

I found this linked from another sight. It makes some good points about how we can take the fight to the liberals. A long read, but very worth while. I look forward to using these, if for no other reason than to test them.

[Bawanna]

He Nailed IT!









Ted Nugent; rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist who also

happens to be an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are

you the one who killed my brother?'"

Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress."

The interview ended

[OldLincoln]

Yup, liberals are bunny rabbits!

[Armybrat]

https://scontent-a-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1377365_10200987195750213_1725884964_n.jpg

[jeepster09]

Finally got my new bed....

[Bawanna]

I love that. Way cool.

[ltxi]

I love that. Way cool.

Me, too.

[ltxi]

I went to the Denver Gun show today. All tables taken and fairly crowded. Completely wrong as it is, I saw absolutely nothing I wanted, new or used, that I don't already have.

[Bawanna]

I hate it when that happens. I usually see all kinds of stuff I want badly when I don't have enough loot.

Give me a bucket of money and there won't be anything I want bad enough to part with it. Go figure.

[ltxi]

I hate it when that happens. I usually see all kinds of stuff I want badly when I don't have enough loot.

Give me a bucket of money and there won't be anything I want bad enough to part with it. Go figure.

Yeah....well that money bucket thing is what made it worse, now that you mention it. We sold off our house north of Tampa this week so there was even a psychological money bucket overflow bit in the air....and I still didn't buy anything other than a cup of coffee. They have decent coffee there now.

[Tinman507]

O2uVS0XXAyE

[RevRay]

Like he said at the end ... that'll work!

[jocko]

TINMN: i CAN DO THAT blindfolded. Just sayin

[RevRay]

Unlike our current representatives ... I've decided to plan ahead ... any other suggestions?

November's Nimble Notions by Nasty/Nice Noodnik Nutcases.

[Bawanna]

I love that. Lets use it when the time comes, you guys are kind of pushing though, we ain't half way through and you want it to be November. One month closer to the month that is the biggest drain on my income of the year.

[RevRay]

I love that. Lets use it when the time comes, you guys are kind of pushing though, we ain't half way through and you want it to be November. One month closer to the month that is the biggest drain on my income of the year.

Bawanna, you can't just throw that statement out and leave it hanging there ... you have to explain why November drains your income.

[Planedude]

Quick question here. I need to take a gift to a retirement party next Friday. It was suggested that "a nice bottle of Scotch" was probably right.
As a beer normally/Bourbon occasionally drinking light weight I must ask, What is "a nice bottle of Scotch"???
I'm sure someone here can tell me.

Thanks

[DeaconKC]

http://i1208.photobucket.com/albums/cc372/DeaconKC/James_Doohan_ScotchSHOP_zps37909a79.jpg (http://s1208.photobucket.com/user/DeaconKC/media/James_Doohan_ScotchSHOP_zps37909a79.jpg.html)

[yqtszhj]

Bawanna, you can't just throw that statement out and leave it hanging there ... you have to explain why November drains your income.

I bet it's December that is the drain. I know it runs up my bills for sure.

[Bawanna]

Yup I said one month closer to December and Christmas.

I tell everyone that Jesus is the reason for the season but it seems to end up on my credit card. Way way too commercialized iffen you ask me.

Planedude, I'm really no expert on account of I can't afford the good stuff but scotch is like most everything else, the more you pay the better it is.

I normally get the Johnny Walker red which ain't horrible, black is better and up from there.

My mom's boyfriend (he just turned 90) and is a true Scotsman and highlander, drinks Dalmore? I think. It's real good. Got a bottle for Christmas last year, (guess Christmas ain't all bad). It's good. There are lots of good ones.
Others here wiser than I I'm sure will have some good input.

[Bawanna]

Unlike our current representatives ... I've decided to plan ahead ... any other suggestions?

November's Nimble Notions by Nasty/Nice Noodnik Nutcases.

Now RevRay, I'm a counting on you to start November with that sweet line, you put some effort into that. You been collaborating with Tinman or what?

Wait, Noodnik Nutcases? I might have to look that up, has to be something to do with Muggsy and/or Jocko I can feel it in my pores.

[yqtszhj]

Hey Rev Ray,

Thats a good one:

1. noodnik: a person who spreads good cheer wherever he doesn't go.

2. noodnik: Someone who is very annoying or irritating.

[Bawanna]

I just knew he was thinking of me when he made that up, boy do I feel singled out right about now.

[Armybrat]

Quick question here. I need to take a gift to a retirement party next Friday. It was suggested that "a nice bottle of Scotch" was probably right.
As a beer normally/Bourbon occasionally drinking light weight I must ask, What is "a nice bottle of Scotch"???
I'm sure someone here can tell me.

Thanks

Johnny Walker Green Label....... if you like the person.

[Bawanna]

Never tried or even seen the Green that I recollect. Good huh?

Imagine it's pricey. I always tell the wife to get black, she always gets red. I might have to find somebody that likes me to get the Green. Fat chance of that.

[OldLincoln]

I thought it was red going down and green when it came back up.

[Tinman507]

Green is sublime. Pricey as hell, but totally worth it.

An alternative is Jonnie Walker Double Black. A little more than Black but REALLY smoky and smooth.

[Bawanna]

Tinman a conasewer of Scotch? Who knew?

I've never seen double black either but I'll keep my eyes peeled. Never looked too hard.

The one store I rarely go into always has the Scotch on the top shelf where I can't reach it. I think my wife cut a deal with them to do that. Conspiracy I tell ya, they are everywhere.

[jocko]

Green is sublime. Pricey as hell, but totally worth it.

An alternative is Jonnie Walker Double Black. A little more than Black but REALLY smoky and smooth.

JW about the only maker who makes their grades in diffeerent cap colors ??? I am not a scotch drniker, so just askng. I always thought Mogan David wine was just out of this world but high prices at $1.89 a gallon. So little do I know.

But nuttin like a 16 ounce glass of Mogan David "blue" backed up by a Marco Petri stogie. Oh my ,,u can have heaven on earth, my friends:Amflag2:

In Italian neighborhoods, ur not a man until u can puff a Marco Petri stogie down to two fingers. I once had one in my mouth on my bike and had to ask for directions and pulled into a black neighbor hood, and those darkskinned guys ran like they seen a ghost. I thought for a second, ol jocko was one macho mean m***fooker, until I then realized it was the Stogie. Just sayin

True story!!:confused:

[RevRay]

In Italian neighborhoods, ur not a man until u can puff a Marco Petri stogie down to two fingers. I once had one in my mouth on my bike and had to ask for directions and pulled into a black neighbor hood, and those darkskinned guys ran like they seen a ghost. I thought for a second, ol jocko was one macho mean m***fooker, until I then realized it was the Stogie. Just sayin

True story!!:confused:

I just learned something new ... not all of jocko's stories are true ... evidently he adds the words "True story!!" at the end to let you know the difference ... just saying.

[Planedude]

Thanks for the lesson on Scotch guys. I figured if I just strolled into the local package store and said "what's a good Scotch" I would be shown the single most expensive bottle in the joint.
Odd as it may sound, buying the most expensive bottle would piss off the old guy it is meant for. He would know I put no thought into the purchase and would figure me to just be showing off...

He would drink it though. I am going to miss seeing Sammy everyday.

[Tinman507]

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.luxist.com/media/2009/06/walkerfam.jpg

[Bawanna]

Dang it I'm getting a chubby.

Where's the Double Black someone mentioned.

Makes me want some.

Van's going in for at tranny fluid / filter change tomorrow, if that cures its ailments I'm definitely gonna get me some maybe even black or green.

Wife is leaving me for a week on Sunday, might need it for medicinal purposes.

She'll also be more than 300 miles away so I'm legally separated in case anybody wants to have an affair.

[jocko]

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.luxist.com/media/2009/06/walkerfam.jpg

forgot Mogan David Red and Orange label:Amflag2:

[Tinman507]

Mad Dog Jocko

http://drinks.seriouseats.com/images/20110709md2020story.jpg

[jocko]

Mad Dog Jocko

http://fanatic.nanashi-inc.net/md2020/md2020-banner.png

does it surprise any of u???Just sayin. I have no original thoughts as u well know:Amflag2: I never had a momma.. a fisherman found me floating in a basket in the Wabash River. He thought I might be the second commingof christ until he seen the basket was made in china and I had a diaper made in Indonesia and my bottle was MOGAN DAVID RED.:Amflag2:

and Rev, thatis the truth:behindsofa:

[MikeyKahr]

The Blue was divine. Still savoring that shot years later.

[Bawanna]

For some reason I couldn't help thinking of Jocko and Wyn reading this. Not together ya understand in any mano mano way or nothing like that.

To keep you up-dated?
Wal-Mart Wine

Wal-Mart in the U.S. announced that, sometime in 2014, it will begin
offering customers a new discount item, its own store-brand of wine. The
world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery
of California to produce the wine at an affordable price, in the $2.00-$3.50
range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand
into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine,"
said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at the University of Arkansas ,
"and the right name is important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for
the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white
meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

P.S. Don't bother writing back that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a
white meat.

[OldLincoln]

I had some Two Buck Chuck years ago and it was good. Got another box of it and it was not so good. Turns out they get leftover wine from various vineyards and mix it together. Can be good, can be bad. Now I just don't care for wine of any kind.

[Bawanna]

I had one horrible experience with the grapes, Annie Greensprings I think. I'm fairly certain it was a combination of poor quality and way too much quantity.
Didn't know it was possible for my bunk bed to spin at a higher RPM than my mustang motor at the time.

Haven't touched the grapes since. Actually can't hardly stand the smell of it.

You might say that one experience body slammed me into the bed of the wagon and I ain't fell off yet.

[getsome]

Had a very similar condition in my young teenage days involving Smokey Mountain Grape Wine and several Tampa Nugget cigars during a campout....Took me near 3 days to get over that sick spell...To this day I can't stomach the smell of wine, thank God we didn't pull our bender with Beer so I can still enjoy a cold brewski ever now and then but keep those demon grapes away from me!!!!

[Bawanna]

Amen brother, it was a solid 3 days and maybe more for me as well. I try not to dwell on the memory, it was some ugly.

[GROTMAN]

Dang it I'm getting a chubby.

Where's the Double Black someone mentioned.

Makes me want some.

Van's going in for at tranny fluid / filter change tomorrow, if that cures its ailments I'm definitely gonna get me some maybe even black or green.

Wife is leaving me for a week on Sunday, might need it for medicinal purposes.

She'll also be more than 300 miles away so I'm legally separated in case anybody wants to have an affair.
With all that new facial hair you might want to give fair warning if your have that affair. Maybe something along the lines of this.. ;)
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/dirty-humor-photos-5.jpg?w=500

[OldLincoln]

Things I've Learned In The South

A possum is a flat animal that

sleeps in the middle of the road.



There are 5,000 types of snakes and

4,998 of them live in the South.



There are 10,000 types of spiders.

All 10,000 of them live in the South,

plus a couple no one's seen before.



If it grows, it'll stick ya.

If it crawls, it'll bite cha.



Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart,

it is a buggy!



Jawl-P? means, Did you all go

to the bathroom?



People actually grow,

eat and like okra.



Fixinto is one word.

It means

I'm going to do that.



There is no such thing as lunch.

There is only dinner and then

there's supper.



Iced tea is appropriate for all meals

and you start drinking it when you're two.

We do like a little tea with our sugar.


It is referred to as

the Wine of the South.



Backwards and forwards means I know

everything about you.



The word jeet is actually a question meaning,

'Did you eat?'



You don't have to wear a watch,

because it doesn't matter what time it is,

you work until you're done or

it's too dark to see.



You don't PUSH buttons,

you MASH em.



Ya'll is singular.

All ya'll is plural.



All the festivals across the state are

named after a fruit, vegetable, grain,

insect, or animal.



You carry jumper cables in your car,

for your OWN car.
Why else would you carry them?



The local papers cover national and

international news on one page, but

require 6 pages for

local high school sports,

the motor sports, and gossip.

Don't forget the obits.



Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar,

Miss (first name) or Mr.(first name)



You think that the first day of deer season

is a national holiday.



You know what a hissy fit is.

And you know how to pitch one.



Fried catfish is the other white meat.



We don't need no dang

Driver's Ed. If our mama says

we can drive, we can drive!!!

[wyntrout]

Must have been a danged Yankee... "y'all" is the proper spelling... contraction of you and all.

Just got this:


Top 10 Country Western Songs:

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.

And the Number One Country & Western song is:

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.


Wynn:D

[getsome]

You forgot my personal Country favorite: I can't get over you till you get out from under him....

Now understand we don't hate Yankees down here in the south, we love them!!!...In fact this is our favorite time for Yankee visitors as gun season opened last weekend and goes on until mid January and there's no limit on carpetbaggers....

Now you made fun of our state animal the Possum so here are some interesting facts about our beloved critter...

They are very clean and groom themselves much like a cat and make great pets if you get one when it's a baby....I had one that had lost one front paw when it's mother was hit by a car and named it Tripod...

They are immune to rabies
They are immune to rattlesnake, cottonmouth and pit viper bites and eat snakes when they can...
They are as old as the dinosaur and are mostly unchanged for millions of years
They are North America's only marsupial
They have more teeth (50) than any other mammal
They have opposable thumbs on their hind paws very much like a human hand and can climb anything
Males have a forked peni$
They are very smart, even more than dogs and can be trained very easily
They can't see for squat so they get hit by cars a lot but their sense of smell is even better than a bloodhound
The female has 13 teets in her pouch in a circle and the young crawl into and attach themselves and don't let go until they can eat on their own...If more than 13 are born in a liter then the last ones out starve...
Last but not least, if you pen one up and feed it corn for 6 weeks to get the wild out of the meat they are very good to eat...Tastes just like chicken!!!

Y'all come on down....See ya in the woods...:cool:

[jlottmc]

I always found them to be a bit greasy. I had to get a rabies series of shots after I got bit by a possum once. It sucked, bad.

[mr surveyor]

I was 14 years old before I was told that the armadillo wasn't really our state bird

[Bawanna]

Now that must have been traumatic.

[OldLincoln]

Just a quick sip??

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7856429824/h23289F6A/

[muggsy]

Two more country favorites.

Take your tongue out of my mouth cause I'm kissin you good-by.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

[Bawanna]

That's the thing about my favorite country music, you can always play it backwards if you want a happy ending.

Don't get no better than that.

[RevRay]

How about ... Walk Out Backwards So I'll Think You're Coming In.

[GROTMAN]

I believe this is another country favorite..

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

[OldLincoln]

Ole' Hank is turning over in the grave.

[GROTMAN]

One way to save on ammo..
http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/ku3bpBW.gif (http://uberhumor.com/still-one-of-my-favorite-gifs-of-all-time)

[wyntrout]

Just a quick sip??

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7856429824/h23289F6A/

Oh, no! Open containers and loaded guns aren't allowed in Kommifornia!

Wynn:)

[ltxi]

Dude....that's simply a loaded container.

[Tinman507]

It's Budweiser. It's a deadly weapon Bleh http://www.wtv-zone.com/fantome/smileys/puke-smiley.gif

[Bawanna]

Subject: Fw: A Star Trek Conundrum



> The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and
> walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was
> introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
>
> As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what
> I have seen in America ."
>
> The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"
>
> The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and
> in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty
> who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but
> there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why
> there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians,
> Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek."
>
> The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and
> whispered in his ear, "That's because Star Trek takes place in the future."
>
> SEMPER FI

[Armybrat]

I loved to read Gary Larsen's "Far Side"....

http://allstondee.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/20121215-224539.jpg