November's Nefarious Number of Neglected Notions

[Tinman507]

My Junior year English teacher Mr. Redmond is rolling in his grave.
It's a disease. Sorry I can't help it.

[muggsy]

You need to join AA. Alliterators Anonymous. But then again, we know who you are. I guess you can't win, Tinman. :)

[ltxi]

Power grab! Isn't this still the middle of October? Power grab!

[addictedhealer]

Somebody is a little premature... They do make meds for that... Stay strong little fella.

[mr surveyor]

I agree .... let's slow down a bit ..... maybe go back to October of 1969 :D

[Tinman507]

God I hope it's not still the middle of October. It's the 27th right?
No Power Grab or Mutiny here.

Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officers...

[muggsy]

Outstanding! I can just picture you rolling those two steel balls in your hand. :)

[Tinman507]

http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z229/andy58-in-nh/FR/mutiny.jpg

[yqtszhj]

That pic just ruined my morning. Gotta go wash the eyes out now.

[GROTMAN]

Today I was beaten up by a woman ......

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff514/Mad_Scientist_SD/joke_zps70e66976.jpg

...... I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, “Would you please press 1?”

So I did.

I don't remember much afterwards ...... Recovery time is going to be 2-3 weeks.

[jeepster09]

Somebody is a little premature... They do make meds for that... Stay strong little fella.

I have heard about the "lasting more than 4hours thing".....but premature? That needs to be printed on label too.:eek:

[jeepster09]

Today I was beaten up by a woman ......

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff514/Mad_Scientist_SD/joke_zps70e66976.jpg

...... I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, “Would you please press 1?”

So I did.

I don't remember much afterwards ...... Recovery time is going to be 2-3 weeks.


You were beatin up.....my fish got scared too....

[jeepster09]

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, and then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit, and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events. "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom, and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes" echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing: "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his little heart.

[OldLincoln]

Here ya go, a new gun hi-tech box:

http://images.indiegogo.com/medias/1035221/pictures/full/20130917131433-GB_On_Desk.jpg?1379448876


http://images.indiegogo.com/medias/1035222/pictures/full/20130917131616-GB_Open_Dark.png?1379448988

http://images.indiegogo.com/medias/1049091/pictures/full/20130926143051-GB-Front-Specs-Fixed.png?1380231053


Get yours today, only $315.

[Bawanna]

Been a horrible couple weeks for bawanna. The Violets are getting even more stupid if that's possible. Not sure how much longer I'm gonna be able to hold out.

They told my wife that she was gone in December, then got all soft like they'll write letters or help her find a job, she's trying hard just to make it to December. I told her to just give notice and call it a day.

Stupid stuff over and over, reminds me of Ovomit and his doings.

I got a new knife coming Monday, hope I can control myself and not become the slasher.

I gotta get out of here, not worth it anymore except I don't want ovomit care and they'll probably do away with SS etc, the state will go broke so my L & I will end. I better start looking for an unoccupied bridge to live under.

Outside of that everything is just ducky.

[ltxi]

Been a horrible couple weeks for bawanna. The Violets are getting even more stupid if that's possible. Not sure how much longer I'm gonna be able to hold out.

They told my wife that she was gone in December, then got all soft like they'll write letters or help her find a job, she's trying hard just to make it to December. I told her to just give notice and call it a day.

Stupid stuff over and over, reminds me of Ovomit and his doings.

I got a new knife coming Monday, hope I can control myself and not become the slasher.

I gotta get out of here, not worth it anymore except I don't want ovomit care and they'll probably do away with SS etc, the state will go broke so my L & I will end. I better start looking for an unoccupied bridge to live under.

Outside of that everything is just ducky.


Why? Just wear a Lone Ranger mask so no one can recognize you and have at it. Maybe fly an American flag from a three or four foot fiberglass CB antenna mounted to a rear corner of your chair. Have your wife record it while acting as one of the intended victims. Then run a teaser on YouTube and sell the video. Call it "Violets Demise!" or "Cutting The Violets!!" or "Mowing Down The Violets! or something more creative and sell if for enough per copy so neither of you will have to work anymore.

If you're too wimpy for that, set yourself up as 501c3 non profit...Foundation for the Extermination of Workplace Violets. I'm good for at least a couple hundred a month in perpetuity.

Glad to hear all is going so well. :cool:

[Bawanna]

You'd make a good therapist Itxi. I mean that. You gotta good grasp on stuff.

Now I hope the knife is good and sharp when it arrives. Might also bring my 25" Kukri, I'll add the tune Reach out and touch someone to the play list.

Great idea with the Lone Ranger mask, nobody will know it's me. Awesome.

I have to go empty my drool cup now, it runneth over but I will not fear the shadow of the valley fore I am the slasher, the violet mower of mowers.
The violet shearer of shearers. And sheep too.

[ltxi]

Yeah.....if you need hands on help with this, let me know. I'm a free agent after 10 Jan 14.

[Alfonse]

Colonel, It sounds like you're ready to come over to this side of the state. We can always use a few more eccentric violet gardeners.

[Tinman507]

The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The affordable boat act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new laws ensures that every American can now have a "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who cant afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or cant afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.

Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...its only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.

If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else..
Yeah...it's that stupid...

[ltxi]

$800 per week, month, or year. Need to know soonest as November elections are coming up fast and I want to be an informed voter.

[OldLincoln]

Don't forget to set your clocks back tonight to celebrate the end of this year's Daylight Saving Time. Of course any rational person regardless of age, gender, race, creed or education already knows you cannot save time at all. You have an instant of time then it's gone forever.

However, “Only the government would believe you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket.”

[ltxi]

That would be tomorrow night, you senile old fart.

[yqtszhj]

Been a horrible couple weeks for bawanna. The Violets are getting even more stupid if that's possible. Not sure how much longer I'm gonna be able to hold out.

They told my wife that she was gone in December, then got all soft like they'll write letters or help her find a job, she's trying hard just to make it to December. I told her to just give notice and call it a day.

Stupid stuff over and over, reminds me of Ovomit and his doings.

I got a new knife coming Monday, hope I can control myself and not become the slasher.

I gotta get out of here, not worth it anymore except I don't want ovomit care and they'll probably do away with SS etc, the state will go broke so my L & I will end. I better start looking for an unoccupied bridge to live under.

Outside of that everything is just ducky.

I know how you feel. I've been off on vacation this week, but had to work last weekend so that didn't count. Then it takes till Wednesday to even start to relax, now it's Friday and the idea of having to go back to work starts. Way too stressed out and I'm trying to figure out how not to give a damn but it's just not in my nature.

I need 3 more years to be at a point to start looking for something else.

[GROTMAN]

An Illinois Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Jocko,' he replies.

'Jocko what?' the officer asks.

'Just Jocko,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Jocko, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Jocko Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Jocko Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Jocko Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Jocko Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Jocko Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Jocko Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Jocko.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing. :behindsofa:

[jocko]

well ur first sentecnt tells me you know nuttin about a Harley. They don't go fast enough to get a ticket for speeding.

The rest of the story, u had swore to me you would never tell anyone.Ur probalby a fokking Honder rider andu just can't trust those pu$$y's. Just sayin

Is this your revenge for when u ask me once where a nice bar was and I sent u to that gay bar???

[GROTMAN]

Then it must have happened in a school zone.
http://www.ctc-traffic.com/images/products/r8733szflashing_lights[1].jpeg (http://www.ctc-traffic.com/szf.htm)

[GROTMAN]

What will they come up with next?
http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/1gJ5VQZ.gif (http://uberhumor.com/fireworks-cock-and-balls)

[jocko]

Then it must have happened in a school zone.
http://www.ctc-traffic.com/images/products/r8733szflashing_lights[1].jpeg (http://www.ctc-traffic.com/szf.htm)

think if u were caught flashing next to that sign that any jury would have to aquit you. Sure looks self explanatory to me, course I am sick to:amflag:

[b4uqzme]

You wouldn't want to go more than 20 while you're flashing. You could trip and hurt yourself. Just sayin'.

[Bawanna]

I just got this and thought it was good. Thought I'd share it.

A LESSON THAT SHOULD BE TAUGHT IN ALL SCHOOLS .. . AND COLLEGES

Back in September, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School, did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks out of her classroom.

When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks.

'Ms.. Cothren, where're our desks?'

She replied, 'You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn the right to sit at a desk.'

They thought, 'Well, maybe it's our grades.'

'No,' she said.

'Maybe it's our behavior.'

She told them, 'No, it's not even your behavior.'

And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period. Still no desks in the classroom.

By early afternoon television news crews had started gathering in Ms.Cothren's classroom to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.

The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the deskless classroom, Martha Cothren said, 'Throughout the day no one has been able to tell me just what he/she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now I am going to tell you.'

At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it.

Twenty-seven (27) War Veterans, all in uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall... By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned..

Martha said, 'You didn't earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you. Now, it's up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get an education. _Don't ever forget it.' _

BY THE WAY, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

PLEASE CONSIDER PASSING THIS ALONG SO OTHERS WON'T FORGET THAT THE FREEDOMS WE HAVE IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY WERE EARNED BY

WAR VETERANS.

LEST WE FORGET - WEAR A POPPY TO SHOW YOUR RESPECT ON REMEMBRANCE
(VETERANS) DAY

[berettabone]

Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still have 2 poppies from last year hanging in the car.................

[MikeyKahr]

Great story, if true, but soon we may not have any freedoms for which to be thankful.

[AIRret]

Bawanna, thanks for posting that........I'm sending it along.

[GROTMAN]

Q-Line SafeGuard Shelving System - YouTube (http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCsQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D1pY qquG27pg&ei=k319UoTmOMT6kQez8oCwDA&usg=AFQjCNFulxixrFSyWSVIh-yIDuOjyLaABA&bvm=bv.56146854,d.eW0)

THOUGHT THIS WAS PRETTY COOL :)



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www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pYqquG27pg‎ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pYqquG27pg‎)

[jocko]

I bet today veterans day to most of the kids in high school, THEY HAVE NO CLUE. I would also bet that the schools themselves don't even discuss what veterans day really is. Sad

[ltxi]

It's Armistice Day!!

[GROTMAN]

CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
> > To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
> > Savannah night before last.
> > Date: 2011-11-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
> > I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket
> > that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled
> > the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our
> > lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only
> > hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
> > First, I'd like to apologize for your
> > embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when
> > I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The
> > evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my
> > girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a
> > Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber
> > Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday,
> > and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
> > Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
> > your head ... isn't it?!
> > I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to
> > wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it
> > was even worse walking bare-footed since I made
> > you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you
> > from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
> > After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had
> > her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of
> > what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas
> > tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your
> > credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was
> > extremely grateful!
> > I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie
> > Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That
> > made his day!]
> > I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp
> > mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the
> > windshield and side window and keyed the entire
> > driver's side of the car.
> > Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone
> > calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
> > President Obama as my possible target.
> > The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a
> > nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc..).
> > ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not
> > killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution
> > is a far more appropriate punishment for your
> > threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these
> > rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the
> > opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path
> > you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next
> > time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
> > Thoughtfully yours, Semper fi,
> > Alex

[OldLincoln]

The Agony Of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I
stopped in to visit my aging friend Gil.

He was busy covering his 'member' with black shoe polish!

I said to him, "Gil, you had better get your hearing
checked - you're supposed to turn your clock back".

[MW surveyor]

For some reason this strikes me a funny. :D

[jocko]

probably a union dog!! u think?

or it could actually be a real working class dog that finally got6 tied of pulling the driftwood 47% who was there strictly for a free meal.

[MW surveyor]

Nah, just flat give out!

[jocko]

Nah, just flat give out!

be,he is carrying 3 dead beat dogs, who won't work and 3 adults who are asu can see along for the ride and doin nuttin. Poor bastard, Probab ly a republican to.

[MW surveyor]

You're probably right. You can tell how everyone else is laughing at him!

[RevRay]

Well, 11-12-13 will be a memorable one for us for a while. My wife decided half way down the stairs last night she wanted to visit the ER. I would have gladly have taken her if she had simply asked, but she decided to pop the question by breaking her ankle instead. The cast coming off will be her Christmas present this year!

[getsome]

Dang Rev, real sorry to hear about that....Hope she's ok....The things these women will do these days to get out of cooking for Thanksgiving....Kidding, tell her the knuckle heads here wish her well and to get well soon!!!!

[Bawanna]

And me too. I wish her a speedy recovery too.

Woman seem to heal faster. My wife still hobbles a bit but the broken pelvis didn't keep her down but a few days.

[Tinman507]

Rev,

Sorry your wife was hurt. Hope she recovers quickly.

[jocko]

And me too. I wish her a speedy recovery too.

Woman seem to heal faster. My wife still hobbles a bit but the broken pelvis didn't keep her down but a few days.

would mend alot faster if she didn't have to carry ur sorry ass around 24/7. Give the poor woman a break..:Amflag2:

[Bawanna]

There now, you happy now?

[jocko]

There now, you happy now?

never was unhappy. Just sayin,but I guess u did OK. it could have been a gold winer:7:

[LorenzoB]

Well, I have a surgery tomorrow to remove a perotid tumor behind my left jaw bone. The needle biopsy showed it was benign (I will not worry about the 10% inaccuracy). I drove with the family 8 hours to southern CA. We spent 3 days at Disneyland and it was a blast to see my 3 year old and 1 year old daughters enjoy our time there. We will be down here for a week, then driving back home. I am a bit nervous, but trusting in God to give me the strength to get through this next week.

[LorenzoB]

Then when I get home and recovered enough, I have 5 new firearms that I haven't even shot yet waiting for me to take them to the playground! :D

I've been busy buying them... and then too busy to shoot them!

[jocko]

good luck lorenzo. I willdo my best to keep the forum calm while ur gone. Just sayin

[wyntrout]

Good luck, Lorenzo. My wife is returning from Disney World tomorrow after 4 days there with her sister and her two adult children. I was invited, too... nephew paying, but 4 days of standing in lines wasn't for me!

I hope that everything goes well for you. Take care!

Wynn:)

[RevRay]

Then when I get home and recovered enough, I have 5 new firearms that I haven't even shot yet waiting for me to take them to the playground! :D

I've been busy buying them... and then too busy to shoot them!

Gee whiz ... 5 new guns ... you guys are killing me.

P.S. God bless, Lorenzo.

P.P.S. Thanks for all the well-wishes guys. We go to the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. Hopefully he'll say that no surgery is needed. I'll give an update as we know more.

[LorenzoB]

Gee whiz ... 5 new guns ... you guys are killing me.

P.S. God bless, Lorenzo.

P.P.S. Thanks for all the well-wishes guys. We go to the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. Hopefully he'll say that no surgery is needed. I'll give an update as we know more.

I'll be praying for your wife too.

Rev, 5 is easy if you would be just a bit less picky. ;)
You should have a good .22 rifle (like a Ruger 10/22), a good pump shotgun (ie. Remington 870, or a Mosberg 590), maybe an AR or two (or three), and definitely a 1911 .45. There is 4 or 5 right there. And then you can add to that list a duty sized polymer pistol such as a Glock or XD or M&P, (or all three). A couple more Kahrs, a Ruger .22 pistol like the Mark III. Barth would tell you that an H&K is a must. Just work your way down the list.... BUT, don't be like me. Take time to shoot the ones you buy! The ones I buy are also spurred by what is falling off the California roster or what laws are going into effect, so sometimes there is a bit of urgency there.

[DeaconKC]

Praying for you here too.

[Planedude]

Well, I have a surgery tomorrow to remove a perotid tumor behind my left jaw bone. The needle biopsy showed it was benign (I will not worry about the 10% inaccuracy). I drove with the family 8 hours to southern CA. We spent 3 days at Disneyland and it was a blast to see my 3 year old and 1 year old daughters enjoy our time there. We will be down here for a week, then driving back home. I am a bit nervous, but trusting in God to give me the strength to get through this next week.

Best of luck Lorenzo, I had surgery last Friday to remove a (turned out) benign growth on the ol-left nut. Still sore but back at work and playing with both the Grandsons again. Hope and prayers for a speedy recovery.

I just have one new (to me) gun that needs to "go for a walk on the range". Need to find one minuet alone in this new crazy life to get the new VZ grips on it...
Going head first at the speed of life. God bless Lorenzo.

[LorenzoB]

Glad it was benign. No one wants a third nut.
I was looking at the VZ grips for my Sig P226, but the choices are very limited. What did you get, if you don't mind my asking?

[yqtszhj]

Best of luck Lorenzo, I had surgery last Friday to remove a (turned out) benign growth on the ol-left nut. Still sore but back at work and playing with both the Grandsons again.

That hurts just junking about it.:eek::eek:

[RevRay]

Thanks for all the well-wishes guys. We go to the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. Hopefully he'll say that no surgery is needed. I'll give an update as we know more.

So, the orthopedic doc said my wife will need outpatient surgery which will happen next Tuesday. Apparently her break was severe enough that it needs screws to put it back together ... and the beat goes on ... and the beat goes on.

[LorenzoB]

Sorry to hear that it was a bad break. Sounds like it will be a long recovery. You might have to put those gun purchases on hold and take care of your wife ;). We will be praying for you both. Look on the bright side... maybe she can get one of these knee scooters and give rides to the kids at church! And then you can take it out for a joy ride when she is napping! :p
9491

[LorenzoB]

Thank the Lord, my surgery went well yesterday. The left side of my face is not paralyzed and they will check the mass for cancer cells in the next few days. My head is all wrapped up with a drain tube, so sleeping was rough last night. Thank God for Vicodin.

Thank you all too for your thoughts and prayers.

[LorenzoB]

That hurts just junking about it.:eek::eek:

Junking about it? As in "don't touch my junk".

[jocko]

So, the orthopedic doc said my wife will need outpatient surgery which will happen next Tuesday. Apparently her break was severe enough that it needs screws to put it back together ... and the beat goes on ... and the beat goes on.

13 screws and metal plate still in my left leg from motorcyle accidkent.(12 years or so ago... I have never had one issue since the surgery as far as walking, running. I walk 4 miles every day. She will mend OK. Women are tuffer than men anyways. Just go into any nursing home,,,,98% of them are women:amflag:

I wish her well..

[Bawanna]

It's a proven fact that men dye younger. Usually because they want to.

I refer to it as an escape from violets.

I've got a bunch of baling wire and two 10"? titanium rods in my back, along with some pins. I know how Humpty Dumpty felt.

Fortunately no pain beyond normal stuff, nothing like some people suffer through.

First bone I ever broke too. Not a good first choice.

[jocko]

My legplateis TI. so we willalways be worth sumpin colonel. No bailing wire though..

[getsome]

Welcome back LorenzoB, glad everything went well for you!!!.....

[jeepster09]

13 screws and metal plate still in my left leg from motorcyle accidkent.(12 years or so ago... I have never had one issue since the surgery as far as walking, running. I walk 4 miles every day. She will mend OK. Women are tuffer than men anyways. Just go into any nursing home,,,,98% of them are women:amflag:

I wish her well..


What about chasing the sheep.....:confused:

[Bawanna]

The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as Luvs and Huggies,
while undergarments for old people are called Depends:

When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
When old people poop in their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!

[jocko]

I would like to think u thought of that colonel. but I think that wouldbe giving u to much credit. Just sayin

[yqtszhj]

Now that's funny.

The wife said don't forget pampers for babies, they still get pampered.

[LorenzoB]

That's awesome.

[LorenzoB]

9492

[jeepster09]

Three men approached the gates of heaven where they were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. "Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: Do not step on a duck."

"I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?" questioned one of the men.

"Over the years, many misconceptions of heaven have arose. Yes, it's a pretty nice place. No, its not perfect, but its close. You see the only problem are the ducks. If you step on a duck it will begin to quack and then all the other ducks will begin to quack and its simply a nuisance for us all." Saint Peter replied.

The three men looked at each other, shrugged, and entered heaven. As far as the eye could see there were ducks everywhere. Almost immediately one of the men accidentally stepped on a duck. Just as Peter had said, the duck began to quack and then the ducks around him began an audible tidal wave of quacks.

Soon after the quacks had passed, Saint Peter approached the men in hand with a hag of a woman. Without a word, he shackled the hag to the man that stepped on the duck and left.

The other two men were careful not to step on a duck. Although they tried their best, one of them eventually stepped on a duck. The same phenomenon of before arose and Saint Peter arrived again with a huge amazonian woman. He shackled the woman to the man and left.

The final man treaded with care and spent many days and nights successfully stepping around the ducks. After a while, Saint Peter approached the man with a beautiful woman. He shackled the woman to the man and left without a word.

Jocko was so delighted he audibly said to himself, "What did I do to deserve this?"

The woman replied, "I don't know, but I stepped on a duck."

[GROTMAN]

GOOD ONE!!:yo:

[RevRay]

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.

Translation ... that was really funny ... I'll have to remember that one. Though, to be fair, some of it gets lost in the translation.

[muggsy]

That one really quacked me up! (Well, somebody had to say it.) :)

[OldLincoln]

http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t54/Houseproject2007/AF_zpseb53954a.jpg

[Armybrat]

The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as Luvs and Huggies,
while undergarments for old people are called Depends:

When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
When old people poop in their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!

That's a classic! :D

[LorenzoB]

Well, good news, I met with the doctor today and he said the tumor was benign. I got the bandages off and the drain tube out. I look pretty beat up, but I can tell I will recover just fine. Tomorrow we will drive an hour to meet a friend in Santa Barbara. Then the next day is a 7 hour drive back toward Sacramento (that will be rough).

[MikeyKahr]

Great to hear, get some rest!

[jocko]

I will cover for u hear lorenzo while ur recovering.

[Bawanna]

Pictures didn't copy but the words will make your sides hurt.

Ignorance of a government department



Look at the 2 pictures; then scroll down This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is Hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter….



This is an actual letter: State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ ... File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2010.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File
No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr..Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/17/09 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.





These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2010? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

[jocko]

why would u have expectred any different kind of reply, after all these are goverhment officials. Thereis a reason u know why all goverment doors are automatic openings when they get close to the door. In the real world it would be called supidity but i their world it is called a necessity.

[DeaconKC]

Two hunters fly to Kenya, where they bag six gazelles. As the crew is loading the small plane to return, the pilot says the aircraft can take only four gazelles back.

“Last time, the pilot let us take all six, and he had the same plane as yours,” argues the first hunter.

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and takes off. But the little plane is too heavy, and it goes down.

Climbing out of the wreckage, the second hunter turns to the other. “Any idea where we are?”

The first replies, “I’d say we’re pretty close to where we crashed last time.”

[RevRay]

Just got home an hour ago with my wife. The surgery to repair her broken ankle went fine, and now the long road to recovery begins. Lord willing she'll be back on her feet by New Years.

[wyntrout]

Good news, Ray. I wish her a speedy recovery and y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Wifey's sister and her two grown children left us yesterday before daylight, after a nice visit of 10 days and 4 of those I was home alone... not wanting to stand in lines for 4 days with them at Disney World!

We're looking forward to Thursday and the traditional release of the New Wine in France and all over the world... Beaujolais Nouveau! We try as many as we can find and then stoke one 60-bottle cooler with just those to make them last longer. It's not bottled for longevity or "vintage". YUM!

Wynn:)

[wyntrout]

And Lorenzo, I didn't mean to neglect you. I hope you get home safely and your recovery is swift. Y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving, too!

Wynn:)

[LorenzoB]

Just got home an hour ago with my wife. The surgery to repair her broken ankle went fine, and now the long road to recovery begins. Lord willing she'll be back on her feet by New Years.

New Years? Ouch! We will be praying for you. Hope you didn't have a lot of holiday plans. Did you look into one of those knee scooters yet? ;)

[LorenzoB]

And Lorenzo, I didn't mean to neglect you. I hope you get home safely and your recovery is swift. Y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving, too!

Wynn:)

Thanks Wynn!

[jeepster09]

Intuitive drunk
A woman is in the grocery store and she diligently does her shopping. She unloads her cart on the conveyor belt which are:

A head of lettuce
bottle of orange juice
Quart of milk
Package of spaghetti noodles
a bunch of bananas
a bag of plums
a flank steak

As she finishes a drunk walks up to the same register and put down a large bottle of vodka. He then looks at the young lady and announces:

You must be single!

The woman was a bit startled but she was also intrigued by this drunks apparent intuition and ability to guess she was single by her items. So she asks, Sir, How did you know I was single?

The drunk replies: Because you are ugly as hell...

[OldLincoln]

Value Of Knowledge
A giant ship engine failed. The ship’s owners tried
one expert after another, but none of them could
figure out how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been
fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a
large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived,
he immediately went to work.

He inspected the engine very carefully, top to
bottom. Two of the ship’s owners were there,
watching this man, hoping he would know what to
do. After looking things over, the old man reached
into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.

He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine
lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away.

The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners
received a bill from the old man for ten thousand
dollars.

“What?!” the owners exclaimed. “He hardly did
anything!” So they wrote the old man a note saying,
“Please send us an itemized bill.”

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer………………… $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap………………… $ 9,998.00.

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an
effort makes all the difference!

[Tinman507]

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim
Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
- No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
- More than one wife
More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You cook over burning camel sh*t
- Your wife is picked by someone else for you
- and your wife smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??
Well no sh*t Sherlock!....
It's not like it could get much worse
THE MUSLIMS ARE NOT HAPPY!

They're not happy in Gaza ..
They're not happy in Egypt ..
They're not happy in Libya ..
They're not happy in Morocco ..
They're not happy in Iran ..
They're not happy in Iraq ..
They're not happy in Yemen ..
They're not happy in Afghanistan ..
They're not happy in Pakistan .
They're not happy in Syria .
They're not happy in Lebanon ..

SO, WHERE ARE THEY HAPPY?

They're happy in Australia .
They're happy in Canada .
They're happy in England ..
They're happy in France ..
They're happy in Italy ..
They're happy in Germany ..
They're happy in Sweden ..
They're happy in the USA ..
They're happy in Norway ..
They're happy in Holland .
They're happy in Denmark .

Basically, they're happy in every country that is not Muslim
And unhappy in every country that is!

AND WHO DO THEY BLAME?

Not Islam.
Not their leadership.
Not themselves.

THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN!

AND THEN; They want to change those countries to be like....
THE COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM WHERE THEY WERE UNHAPPY!

Excuse me, but I can't help wondering...
How damn dumb can you get?!

[jocko]

Never knew Muzzy's were brite in the first place..

[GROTMAN]

https://scontent-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1458656_619360151454805_1642277680_n.jpg

[OldLincoln]

At the Thanksgiving thing yesterday, most folks had left when a guy about my age came by to say goodnight. My wife may the comment "It's a good thing those two didn't talk earlier or they might have missed eating talking about guns." Well she should have kept that to herself as we stood there and talked guns for the next hour instead of getting on the road. He's into it much deeper than I involved in long gun competition and shoot a whole lot more. It was the funnest part of the night.