December's Diabolical Dissemination of Dysfunctional Diatribes

[Tinman507]

Only a day early this go around. Be kind.

[MW surveyor]

Since it's the last one of the year.............we'll let it go.............this time!

[muggsy]

December, a month that will live in infamy.

[JohnR]

I think there's an important birthday in December.

[TheTman]

If it's the birthday I am thinking of, we have been lied too. This isn't the place to discuss it. PM me if you wish.
To any Jewish members, Happy Hannukah!

[ltxi]

Well, there we go. Off to a cranky start for the month we be.

[mr surveyor]

you mean we have to DE-cember??????


I haven't even cembered yet:(

[jlottmc]

I think there's an important birthday in December.


Yea my daughter's, and yes it was a day that will live in infamy. Did you know that Mary Queen of Scots was born on that day?

[wyntrout]

There's something good about Google... had to see WTF your avatar picture was:

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/874545408/hA74EEA9F/

Wynn:D

[MW surveyor]

Off to a gun show later this morning. Not sure why I'm going out side of just getting out of the house and going for a drive.
Maybe look for a CM9 or the CW380?

[jlottmc]

I stole it from here earlier, thought it was appropriate.

[wyntrout]

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/874545408/hA74EEA9F/https://scontent-b-mia.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/v/1472175_10153547664675066_1106664506_n.jpg?oh=52e7 db934006f493d19a80e7297ccb58&oe=529E7CAC

Wynn:D

[deadeye]

Put those handlebars and seat on a sheep and I'll bet ......... no, forget it.

[Bawanna]

Put those handlebars and seat on a sheep and I'll bet ......... no, forget it.

Let me guess, your not partial to horse heads in the mail?

[DeaconKC]

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff303/Kevin-Andra/Kentucky_Date.jpg (http://s241.photobucket.com/user/Kevin-Andra/media/Kentucky_Date.jpg.html)

[deadeye]

Oh boy! Now you've done it! Awesome!

[jeepster09]

Jocko and his buddy were talking... one complaining about his urinary & bowel issues. Jocko told him " Every morning at 7am, I take a nice long pee. At 9am, I have a regular bowel movement. I just wish I could get out of bed before noon."...jus sayin...

[jeepster09]

One day Jocko decided to retire.....

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank."


"Amazing," Jocko notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus Tree"

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

Jocko is stunned!

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house....

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels ?"


Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
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!
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"You've built a Harley?”

[jeepster09]

OLDER EMPLOYEE NOTICE!

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered
for the Shaft program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half-Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SH!T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of sh!t they give to our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SH!T, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SH!T you can handle.

Sincerely,


Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. :40:

[bob98366]

I've always been a student of history but I didn't know this:


In 1272, the Arabic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.


Don't thank me. I do this as a public service for the advancement of education.

[GROTMAN]

JOCKO FAN ?
http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/fWEDQUl.jpg

[jocko]

isn't she sexy in my "jocko" T


Just sayin

[GROTMAN]

1: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
- His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes

2: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
- It stands between him and the First

3: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
- A job interview

4: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
- One's full of tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society ... the other is for prisoners

5: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer?
- The pizza can feed a family of four

6: What's the difference between a zoo and the White House?
- A zoo has an African lion and the White House has a lyin' African

7: If Pelosi, DiFi and Obama were in a boat and it started to sink, who would be saved?
- America!

8: What do you call the US after six years of Obama and the Liberal congress?
- An Obama-nation

9: What's the difference between Obama and Hitler?
- Hitler wrote his own book

10: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
- Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country

11: Why doesn't Obama pray?
- It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed

[Armybrat]

Some fella from the State of Washington posted this beautiful picture on The High Road forum....

http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/l590/TNxtGen/photo21_zpsfdabc2c1.jpg

[Tinman507]

WHY OLDER MEN DON'T GET HIRED

Job Interview:

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Older Man : "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Older Man : "I don't really give a **** what you think."

[Bawanna]

Amen to that tinman. Probably why I'm on the shortlist around here too.

I have to quit using that line 100 times a day around here if I want to be around much longer.

Sometimes the truth is painful for the weak violets.

[MW surveyor]

Sometimes the truth is painful for the weak violets.

Remember, every one now is their own special snowflake. :p

[Bawanna]

I'm having an extremely violet downer day, cut me some slack dad.

They are outdoing themselves today.

[MW surveyor]

You need to be like the sun to those violet snowflakes and burn their a$$e$.

[getsome]

Bang Zoom all the way to the moon Alice, I mean Violet...

[Tinman507]

https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/999629_463207107122898_1874057549_n.jpg

[Bawanna]

A Japanese couple are having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex............... :

Husband : Sukitaki.

Wife replies : Kowanini!

Husband says : Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!

Wife on her knees literally begging : Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!

Husband replies angrily : Na miaou kina tim kouji!.
.
.
keep scrolling down.......
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.
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Incredible........and there you sit, reading this **** as if you understand Japanese!
unbelievable!
…. I knew you would read anything if it was about sex.

[jocko]

THATS A GOOD ONE COLONEL. i JUST SENT IT ON TO MY PRIEST. Just sayin

[GROTMAN]

http://i.imgur.com/zOBq1dg.png

[Bawanna]

Never cared much for golf but it's starting to grow on me.

[jocko]

did u notice the FOOT JOY golf shoes??? Just sayin

why would ol jocko know that?? Well I AM TH ESOLE PROVIDER OF SHEEP WOOL FOR THE inside of these Foot Joy Shoes:D

[Bawanna]

did u notice the FOOT JOY golf shoes??? Just sayin

To be completely honest I didn't notice that she had feet.

[jocko]

http://i.imgur.com/zOBq1dg.png

shewould make ur putter "flutter". Just sayin

Do u all remmeberthat quote from Johnny Carson to Winnie Palmer the niteshewason his shoes, when Johnny ask her if she did anything before a tournament for arnold andshesaid she kissed his balls...

Now why after 40 years would I rememberthat quote????:amflag:

[GROTMAN]

my spidey senses aren't as sharp as yours and I don't know if that's a graphite shaft but sensing maybe a little silicone..;)

[jocko]

u might be right, who ever stuffed that package is OK in my book, siliconeor not that is one hot wellbuilt chick. I could care lessif she could hit the ballor not. Stillgotta love those Jocko joys shoes though. Justsayin.

[Bawanna]

Oh it is a chick, I thought it was Arnold Palmer.

[berettabone]

my spidey senses aren't as sharp as yours and I don't know if that's a graphite shaft but sensing maybe a little silicone..;)
Pretty sure she is au natural.................................

[yqtszhj]

Some fella from the State of Washington posted this beautiful picture on The High Road forum....

http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/l590/TNxtGen/photo21_zpsfdabc2c1.jpg

A picture of my 2 favorite things, the great outdoors and a Bushmaster.

[GROTMAN]

Pretty sure she is au natural.................................
Sorry to disappoint but I googled it and they are not :(

[jocko]

Sorry to disappoint but I googled it and they are not :(

u tell the difference? I was told u stick a pin inb um if they bleedred,they are natural,if they bleed white, they are man made. Just sayin

[Armybrat]

Pretty sure she is au natural.................................
Just Google up her images..... oh my! :D

[GROTMAN]

http://i.imgur.com/Wv4GTI9.gif

[Tinman507]

that's too damned funny

[ltxi]

that's too damned funny

x 2.56

[Barth]

I'm watching Drive Angry right now.
This girl is pretty freaking hot...
http://images.starpulse.com/news/bloggers/747815/blog_images/drive-angry-photo.jpghttp://members.cineplex.com.au/getImageByAdminMovieId.php?movieId=972&imageCategory=2http://www.notizie.it/wp-content/blogs.dir/40/files/2011/04/drive_angry_19.jpghttp://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cooFS_0Ujd4/T5Npmm5YKRI/AAAAAAAAA4s/zaBKeor2Teo/s1600/drive-angry-gun.jpghttp://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/drive.angry.197.jpghttp://www.horror-asylum.com/news/pics/amber-heard-about-to-blow-something-away-in-drive-angry-3d-still.jpg

[GROTMAN]

http://i.imgur.com/iXYmT9z.jpg

[jocko]

oh now I like that one....... Just sayin

[leftysixty]

I must be gett'n sea....nile. I think I have injured myself laff'n,:D

[getsome]

Thats going on the fridge for sure....Thanks GROTMAN

[berettabone]

I'm watching Drive Angry right now.
This girl is pretty freaking hot...
http://images.starpulse.com/news/bloggers/747815/blog_images/drive-angry-photo.jpghttp://members.cineplex.com.au/getImageByAdminMovieId.php?movieId=972&imageCategory=2http://www.notizie.it/wp-content/blogs.dir/40/files/2011/04/drive_angry_19.jpghttp://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cooFS_0Ujd4/T5Npmm5YKRI/AAAAAAAAA4s/zaBKeor2Teo/s1600/drive-angry-gun.jpghttp://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/drive.angry.197.jpghttp://www.horror-asylum.com/news/pics/amber-heard-about-to-blow-something-away-in-drive-angry-3d-still.jpg
Amber Heard..............................she's usually not that blonde, but, who cares........................

[Tinman507]

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in 1981. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley. We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady:

To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting Ronnie. We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.
Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

[ltxi]

Amber Heard..............................she's usually not that blonde, but, who cares........................

I like skinny chicks without oversized boobs. Other than the hair color, this one reminds me a lot of my second ex-wife....about 40 years ago.

[GROTMAN]

HERE YA GO..:D
http://oliveoylloves.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/olive_oyl_goldnbones.jpg (http://oliveoylloves.com/olive-loves-goldnbones/)

[AIRret]

http://i.imgur.com/iXYmT9z.jpg

Now that's a BEAUTIFUL sight!!!!!

[Ol'coot]

http://youtu.be/rusCrKhhJRw

[bob98366]

Time for a picnic! Good one, Ol'coot.

[GROTMAN]

The Female Genie

While walking on a beach during one of his many vacations, Obama found a
bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the
bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?" Obama
responded, "Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me
anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be
returned to that bottle forever." Obama thought a moment, then after
grumbling about the impertinence of the woman said, "Very well, I want to
awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be
off with you. "The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared. The next
morning Obama awakened with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Nancy Pelosi
in his bed.

His ***** was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.