A Good Morning Limerick

[RevRay]

I just said hello to a new forum member, and a thought for a limerick came to mind. Here's the quick result ...

There's nothing will give you more fun,
Than testing your new-to-you gun.
Having said that though,
There's another I know,
So forget what I just said I'm done.

SUBSEQUENT NOTE: Having momentarily lost my mind I started this thread ... but if anyone wants to lay claim to it you're welcome to.

[skiflydive]

A limerick thread...what a great idea.

There was a young lady named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her a$$hole in Buckingham Palace

And one of my all time favorites...

There was a young man named Hall
Who had a hexahydronical ball
The square of its weight
Times his pecker plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call

[muggsy]

I think that I'm going to pass on this thread. It can only get me into trouble.

[zamboni]

There once was a caveman named Dave
who kept a dead whore in his cave
now I must admit she smelled like sh$t
but think of all the money he saved

[RevRay]

What was I thinking?

[Bawanna]

Good idea but lets keep the standards up.

[RRP]

You won't be able to share many of these with your congregation, will ya? ;)

[Tinman507]

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

[muggsy]

There once was a man from Nantucket...., Nope, can't use that one. :)

[Harrylee]

There was a time way back when
People took care of their own
We all own guns but don’t take care of our own
Since the beginning of time there has been a underdog
Shall the dog have his day or do what we shall may

MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU STARTED!!!:):):):):):):):)

[CJB]

An all time favorite, courtesty of departed friend Andy....

There once was a girl from the Azores
Whose crotch was all covered in sores.
And dogs on the street
Grew fat from green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers!

[CJB]

Not really a limerick, but... worthy none the less.

This is the story of John McClock
The man who was born with a corkscrew cock
All his life was a search and hunt
To find a girl with a corkscrew c*nt
He found that girl, and then dropped dead
'Cause her corkscrew c*nt had a lefthanded thread!

[RRP]

Ray is a reverend, so jolly
Whose request for limericks, a folly
With no way to stop
The onslaught of slop
He wished to sneak off on a trolley

[RevRay]

Ray is a reverend, so jolly
Whose request for limericks, a folly
With no way to stop
The onslaught of slop
He wished to sneak off on a trolley

Amen!

[muggsy]

Amen!

Knowing this bunch, what were you thinking RevRay? :)

[Hognutz]

There once was a man from Kent
That a dick so long that it bent
So to save himself trouble
He put it in double
So instead of coming, he went!

[CJB]

A limerick thread...what a great idea.

There was a young lady named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her a$$hole in Buckingham Palace



Thats a bit of a bastardization of the Yankee version and Brit versions.

My Brit lady friend tells me their version is thus:

A lovely MP named Alice
Use a pounder shell for a phallus
They found her brains
Floating on Thames
And fanny at Kensington Palace!

Alternately, the 3rd and 4th lines

Bits of her Hair
Made Trafalgar Square

They found her spleen
In Aberdeen

etc etc etc

I've been also asked to inform the Yankee populace that a "fanny" whilest a backside here in the colonies, is the general vulgarity for the combined female genitalia at the apex of the legs.

Pip pip!

[CJB]

And of course the USA version

There once was a lady named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her **** in Dallas!

[Harrylee]

I found this it's not mine but I liked it

I've reached beyond those limits that bound
And searched around ‘til I finally found
The Pinnacle of Reality
Is in my utter mortality
And so what I've found is simply the ground

[223fan]

This should be good. Keep them coming.

[ltxi]

I just said hello to a new forum member, and a thought for a limerick came to mind. Here's the quick result ...

There's nothing will give you more fun,
Than testing your new-to-you gun.
Having said that though,
There's another I know,
So forget what I just said I'm done.

SUBSEQUENT NOTE: Having momentarily lost my mind I started this thread ... but if anyone wants to lay claim to it you're welcome to.

Not me, RevRay, but I'm with ya' on wanting to wash your feet of it.

Seasoned pervert though I am this thread is beginning to make my gums bleed.

[CJB]

In the outhouse a fellow maned Clyde,
slipped through a hole and he died.
Along came his brother,
who slipped though another,
And they were interred side by side!


There once was a sailor named Rex
Who spent all his time below decks
Thinking of Jesus
and social diseases
And generally not about sex

[GROTMAN]

keeping it clean for the good Rev :)
There was a young fellow who thought
Very little, but thought it a lot.
Then at long last he knew
What he wanted to do,
But before he could start, he forgot.

[340pd]

There once was a lady from Nizes,
With breasts of two different sizes,
One was so small, it was hardly at all,
The other was large and won prizes.

[Tinman507]

There once was a girl in my class
Who had a magnificent ass
Not pretty and pink
As you well may think
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

[CJB]

Hitler has only got one ball
Goering has two but they're small
They say Himmler
Is somewhat sim'ler
And Goebels has no balls at all.

[getsome]

There once was a man named Bawanna
Who took a trip down to Tijuana
A bandit yelled give it up
The Colonel said you're chit outa luck
And whipped out his brand new Katana

[Bawanna]

Nice!

[skiflydive]

A charming young man named ol’ Jocko
Types in ways that are totally wacko
He has great things to say
Kahr owners think “oh, what the hey”
Cause his advice is never just so-so

[340pd]

Not mine but worth noting.
Duck Flap
There once was a fella named Phil,
With truisms liberals found shrill,
Though they cried for his head,
They got duck-slapped instead,
As old Phil just continues to chill.

[RevRay]

A few hours left to this year,
Means a few hours left for cheer.
'Cause twenty-fourteen,
Will most likely mean,
We who own guns they will smear.

[Bawanna]

Ovomit tied to spread fear
But the good folk only cared about beer
The press tried to grill Phil
For speaking his heart the real deal.
The morals of today just suck
Thank god Ovomits a lame duck
We cling to our bibles
because we are discipals
Don't need a court,
Just for sport
To tell us what rhythms with right.

Damn I really suck at this crossword stuff.

[Tinman507]

Admirable effort.
Stick to Grips

Happy New Year!

[CJB]

A surly old waiter named Ned
Hated the patrons he fed
Dill pickle trollops
And chocolate bollocks
And soup made from shavings of lead.

[CJB]

Elizabeth's old English curry
(A vegitablistic slurry)
Would send forth some breezes
And I swear unto Jesus
You'd run to the loo in a hurry!