The 2013 Darwin Awards announced...

[skiflydive]

...and here is the glorious winner.

When his .38 caliber pistol failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

In 3rd place...

A man spent an hour shoveling snow to clear a parking space during a Chicago blizzard. When he returned with his car he found a woman had taken the space. Understandably he shot her...

[Slotback]

In 3rd place...

A man spent an hour shoveling snow to clear a parking space during a Chicago blizzard. When he returned with his car he found a woman had taken the space. Understandably he shot her...





Impossible. There are no guns in the glorious People's Republic of Chicago.

[getsome]

3rd place was definitely justified....

Here are a couple of 100% true old but good ones none the less from my hometown...

1. Two idiots John Hutchenson and his buddy Francis Brohm went to a bar called "Runaround Sues" for their 2 for 1 happy hour and stayed until closing...John drove his new pickup home with Francis in the passenger seat...On the way home Francis had to barf so he hung out the window and when John looked over to see what Francis was doing he hit the curb and left the roadway hitting a telephone guy wire which knocked off his mirror and unfortunately for Frances, his head as well...

John continued the drive home and parked in his driveway, went inside and went to sleep....Police awoke him the next day and wanted to know why he left his buddies headless corpse hanging out his truck window and said his neighbor was really upset about finding it when he went for the morning paper...It took several days for officials to locate Mr. Brohm's head as it had rolled down a steep hill and landed in a creek....Mr. Hutchenson claimed to have no memory of the previous nights events....Police were not amused....


2. In another case while driving home one night hammered on drugs and alcohol Ms. Chante Mallard struck pedestrian Gregory Biggs and the impact caused Mr. Biggs's upper body to go through Chante's windshield and become trapped up to his waist... In Court testimony Ms. Mallard said she was scared and didn't know what to do and Mr. Biggs kept begging her to stop and call an ambulance and his constant screaming and moaning made her extremely upset and nervous so she decided the best thing to do was drive home and park her car in her garage, close the door and go inside to bed....Chante called her mother the next morning and the mom called Police who found Mr. Biggs dead body still embedded in Chante's windshield....The autopsy showed Mr. Biggs injuries were not too severe and he would have survived had he been given medical help and that he had lived most of the night but died from blood loss from several deep cuts to his arms and head shortly before Police found him.... Chante got 50 years...

[addictedhealer]

I remember the windshield case. Ridiculous how any human can leave a person suffer like that.. She got exactly what she deserved.

[DeaconKC]

I don't have the names for this but while working as a guard at Menard Correctional Center in Chester, Illinois I was assigned to our Entry Port for a week or so. St. Clair County [East St. Louis] would bring in 20 or so new arrivals several times a week. One day as they were all lined up to come in, one of the trnsport officers pointed out two inmates, calling them Dumb and Dumber. Seems these two geniuses had tried to rob a convenience store and while waving their guns around, got startled and shot each other! When the cops showed up, the clerk and a customer were holding the idiots guns on them! By the time they made it to the Guard Hall, the Warden, both Assistant Wardens, the Major and Shift Captain were all waiting to see them. By the time the line of inmates hit the main street in the prison, othe cons were yelling "Who are the two who shot each other?"