A new question for Dear Dietrich, I know your up there

[Bawanna]

Dear Dietrich,

I've recently received a wedding invitation for my neighbors daughter. Dear sweet child already at the tender age of 27 or 28, the years go by so fast. I was so excited for her. I tried to put my moves on her sister years ago but that's another story.

Alas I find out she's marrying another dear sweet girl!:eek: I think they might be lebanese. To say I was taken aback would be a mild understatement.

I'm not real comfy with this mano/mano, womano/womano marriage thing and I'm considering not going. I mean what if I throw up a little bit in my mouth or heaven forbid on the floor or one of the brides. Are they bride and bridet? This is all terribly foreign to me.

What should I do, I don't want to offend but I don't want to be there neither.

Concerned about nuptials in WA.

[b4uqzme]

Swallow your pride, have fun, drink their whiskey and offer to video record the honeymoon.

P.S. I want a copy.

[tjm]

You sure they Lebanese? Sounds more like Lybians to me. Great people, discovered the famous first dinosaur skeletons of the Lickalotopuss and the Megasoreass, and revolutionized carpentry with their tongue-in-groove joints.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[b4uqzme]

Oh, and get them a two headed llama for a wedding present. You know...push me pull you. :p

[Bawanna]

Dear Dietrich,

It gets worse. I've just been informed that my wife is doing the food for the wedding. So she doesn't have an out. I told her to reread my book just say NO again but to no avail. My daughter is due with our first grandbaby right about then too and there'll be no food if that happens. Wife is destined to be a doting grandma for sure.

How do I tell the difference between a lebanese and a libyan?

Two headed Llama? Those are 45's aren't they? Push me, pull me? You guys are wicked smart, I'm not into this cross dressing dress up doll stuff.

[tjm]

They both love to eat out. Libyans like seafood, clams and such, anything fishy really. Lebanese are more into beaver, and cat. Or so I'm told.

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[b4uqzme]

Dear Dietrich,

I'm not into this cross dressing dress up doll stuff.

You don't know what you are missing. I studied fashion design at the J Edgar Hoover institute. Just sayin'.

So if Mrs Bawanna is busy with the newborn, who cooks for the lollipop girls? You? That would be a sight to see. Can you get me an invite?

[b4uqzme]

They both love to eat out. Libyans like seafood, clams and such, anything fishy really. Lebanese are more into beaver, and cat. Or so I'm told.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

Tacos...they all love tacos....

[yqtszhj]

Dear Dietrich,

I've recently received a wedding invitation for my neighbors daughter. Dear sweet child already at the tender age of 27 or 28, the years go by so fast. I was so excited for her. I tried to put my moves on her sister years ago but that's another story.

Alas I find out she's marrying another dear sweet girl!:eek: I think they might be lebanese. To say I was taken aback would be a mild understatement.

I'm not real comfy with this mano/mano, womano/womano marriage thing and I'm considering not going. I mean what if I throw up a little bit in my mouth or heaven forbid on the floor or one of the brides. Are they bride and bridet? This is all terribly foreign to me.

What should I do, I don't want to offend but I don't want to be there neither.

Concerned about nuptials in WA.

Dear Concerned,

Go ahead and attend the wedding and for a wedding gift buy them matching boxes of condoms. Before wrapping the boxes include a note saying that they may not understand it at this time but eventually they will both conclude that for some reason they will find themselves unsatisfied in their relationship.

Once their misdirected newlywed feelings subside they will remember the wedding gift from Bawanna and will have the answer to gaining the satisfaction that is missing.

The best part is at that time you'll always be considered a dear friend and counselor forever.

Sincerely,

yqtszhj

[CJB]

Friend or no, I personally would not bury my convictions. Tell them since your wife is cooking the food, you're going out to a nice greasy spoon diner in order to get some decent chow.

[b4uqzme]

Dear Concerned,

Go ahead and attend the wedding and for a wedding gift buy them matching boxes of condoms. Before wrapping the boxes include a note saying that they may not understand it at this time but eventually they will both conclude that for some reason they will find themselves unsatisfied in their relationship.

Once their misdirected newlywed feelings subside they will remember the wedding gift from Bawanna and will have the answer to gaining the satisfaction that is missing.

The best part is at that time you'll always be considered a dear friend and counselor forever.

Sincerely,

yqtszhj

Fill the void, so to say......good thinkin'

[Alfonse]

I do miss Dietrich, but this is a great tribute.

[GROTMAN]

Unfortunately these types of events are becoming more and more the "normb". I can't tell YOU what to do but if your wife is cooking for them she might want to keep in mind that they are probably pretty much vaginarians.

[berettabone]

I'd definitely try to get in between those two................................

[itsthelaw]

How well does your wife know the brides?

[Bawanna]

Dear Dietrich,

These guys seen to many of the #10 beauty lebanese or possible libyans now I guess. We've know the neighbor since she was a grass hopper. She's only a 3 or 4 at best and I've only seen a picture of the other violet and she don't rank that high neither.

Not something you'd want to bring home to your test tube momma.

I'm partial to the greasy spoon idea myself.

I have another wedding to go to where I've known and loved the bride a long long time, friend of my daughter, she's a 9 1/2 or 10, maybe an 11. I'm going to that one only to maybe take out the groom, big dude, I'll have to bring my lunch for sure, but I'm in love with her mother too, I'm so torn.

[getsome]

I don't know about ya'll but all this talk has got my nipples hard as a rock....

Tell the wife to make tuna popsicles, I hear they are a big hit at these kind of events...

What I've always wanted to know is when one of these same sex marriages goes sour and the inevitable divorce happens which one gets the house, all the furnature, the bank account and the flat screen and which one gets the one bedroom 78 LTD ???.....

[Armybrat]

For a wedding present get them a set of these in nice fruity colors:

http://i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v3/597406412_1/Free-Shipping-Child-safety-font-b-scissors-b-font-lace-font-b-scissors-b-font-font.jpg

[TheTman]

I'd ask the wife to tell them you were sick, and send a present, something special, like a two headed vibrating d!ldo.

[berettabone]

There's a place up here called Empire Carpet...................they say they'll fix your rug, same day.......................

[jocko]

bunch of sick bastards here. I wkant no part of this. I will try again to ge ton to glock talk, they are more civil, certainly they are morally good people to. This forum make sme sick.

I almost puked on my SI swimsuit edition, now that would have really pissed e off to.

[Tinman507]

http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/filestorage/looking-forward-lesbian-wedding-ecard-someecards.jpg

[getsome]

Jocko your girlfriend called and wants to know where you been!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_wp0FoenPg

[Armybrat]

I've always said I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. :D

[rahmann62]

This has to be the funniest thread I have ever read!

Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk 2

[Pulpit Pistol]

Just send them a note saying, "What Satan has joined together, let everyone do what they can to put it asunder."

[Bawanna]

I like that, I'm writing that down.

[Pulpit Pistol]

I like that, I'm writing that down.

Why not? The libs have been doing everything they can to destroy real marriages for years.

Now that the devil has his own "ceremonies," let's have some fun knocking them down!

[Bawanna]

I just know I'm gonna throw up when they say you may now kiss the other one. I ain't going. Not gonna happen.

[b4uqzme]

Jocko your girlfriend called and wants to know where you been!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_wp0FoenPg


Now there's your 11!

P.S. Nice avatar Colonel.

[dorangolv]

By the end of a long night of dancing and partying on whiskey, no doubt they'll be face down licking carpet...

[dorangolv]

Jocko your girlfriend called and wants to know where you been!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_wp0FoenPg

...and boy can she dance!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNMq8XS4LhE

[dorangolv]

bawana, how 'bout a gift certificate for Snap-On tools?

[Bawanna]

You guys have been there before. Snap On Tools....that's a good one right there.

[Sheepdog689]

:D

I like the group's sense of humor on this forum! You guys are all right!!

[Bawanna]

You sir think going to a lebanese wedding is humorous? We're talking serious talk here my friend. :rolleyes:

And Sheepdog? just a word to the wise, don't never ever, I mean never let Ole Jocko get to close to ya, I'd say at least 3 arm lengths away, he ain't wicked quick as he used to be but iffen he gets his hands on ya, well......I wouldn't want to be you ya know?

Well now, let me rethink that a minute, pass the advil please, always get a headache when I have to think.

You being Sheepdog and not sheep, ya might just be alright, but hey, why take the chance ya know.

[Alfonse]

Apparently before this type of thing was allowed, it worked like this:

http://youtu.be/r0Be8LnuG3U

Maybe Mrs. B volunteered to do the food just to protect you from such a thing.

[kwh]

Everyone has missed the point. This is a firearms forum. The question should be: are the gal's packing 38's or 45's?

[Bawanna]

I'd say 25's at most. Never seen the bride or the groom I'm not sure which is which in person. The neighbor girl bride/groom who knows which is rather lacking.

[b4uqzme]

I went in the ammo store today and asked for some .38 D's. The clerk just gave me a strange look. Then recommended double D's for self defense.

Kinda brings new meaning to .38 special. Just sayin'.

[Bawanna]

Any 38 is special.

[yqtszhj]

Just need to make sure its a matching pair of 38's. Don't want a 45 on one side and a 25 on the other. It just wouldn't carry right.

[SaltyNC]

There once was a girl from Madras,
Who thought her girlfriend had a magnificent ass,
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think,
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

SaltyNC