The November Thread

[Barth]

I didn't see that anyone started one so I will - LOL!
I'll start with wishing everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving!
http://envision-hotel-boston.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/happy-thanksgiving.jpg

[b4uqzme]

...just hope y'all made it safely through Halloween. It's scary out there folks!

[b4uqzme]

A thief was robbing a local bank branch wearing a mask. As he handed the teller a paper sack for the money, his mask slipped and there they were...staring eye to eye. He took out his pistol and shot her. BANG! He turned to flee only to face another customer. "Did you see me rob this bank?" he asked. The customer nodded. And BANG! He shot the customer. The bank security guard was between the robber and the door. The robber asked the guard: "Did you see me rob this bank?" "Well, yes." replied the stunned guard. BANG! He shot the guard too. As he was running for the door, an older couple were coming in. "Did you see me rob this bank?" To which the old gentleman replied: "I didn't but my wife did."

[b4uqzme]

K40 @ 5 yards

[b4uqzme]

If anyone can teach me how to flip those attachments 90 degrees, I'd appreciate it. I tried holding the computer sideways...

[wyntrout]

I use Microsoft Office 2010 to edit photos. There are usually rotation tools in any photo editors. Rotate and save. Use a copy for editing and save the original. I have the photos in a folder, make a subfolder in that folder and label it Lower Res, and then put copies in there for editing.

You could probably use MS Paint from your Windows accessories, but make sure you have the right tool selected and save in the format you want... usually .jpg or .jpeg.

Don't edit you originals. Work with copies... right click mouse, control-C, then control-V there or in another folder to paste a copy.

Wynn:)

[b4uqzme]

Thanks Wynn. But that's the problem. It's straight in my folder. Only when I attach pics to Kahrtalk does it rotate 90 degrees. :confused: Is there a way to correct them in the attachment manager or post editor?

[muggsy]

Don't forget to vote next Tuesday. Take my advice and vote early and often. The gun you save may be your own. :)

[b4uqzme]

let's see if this works. I cropped the picture so it's wider than tall. Maybe the attachment manager automatically tries to fit the photo to the page?

[marshal kane]

Don't forget to vote next Tuesday. Take my advice and vote early AND OFTEN(?). The gun you save may be your own. :)

Are you telling us to vote like they do in Chicago?

[marshal kane]

Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving too Barth!

[wyntrout]

It's best to always take the pictures with the camera or phone horizontal... wide view horizontal. When posting pictures on some sites the pictures are oriented by the software using the ORIGINAL data embedded in the picture. It's a b!tch to get around that on Facebook. I've posted and deleted some pictures many times trying different things to change the orientation to what I wanted.

Wynn:)

[Armybrat]

Well, I can't even use the "insert image" button here in recent months - it just makes the page fade to a semi-transparent white, and no place to paste the picture URL.

Anyway, here is the link to the pic of the $14 pancake I tried to eat at the Hash House A GoGo in Las Vegas Saturday morning:

http://images.yuku.com/image/jpeg/efd3562f42e3d185179bb763088da98430771df.jpg

And this is how far I got with it:

http://images.yuku.com/image/jpeg/d661554fdb1cb80efbbfe3c43fd8f252a907113.jpg

Have posted those pics on a couple other boards, and some say they are upside down, to others they are right side up. I have no idea why - maybe because of the different types of devices they are using or the website software?

[Bawanna]

Look upside down to me but I get the picture.

[Armybrat]

That pancake was about 11" in diameter.. The only fluffy thing about it was how it lightened my wallet by $14.

[b4uqzme]

That pancake was about 11" in diameter.. The only fluffy thing about it was how it lightened my wallet by $14.

Now that's funny right there...

[Bawanna]

Remember, what happens and whats in your wallet stays in Vegas.

[DeaconKC]

http://safeshare.tv/w/eUqDmyBbir

[Armybrat]

http://safeshare.tv/w/eUqDmyBbir

:D ^^^

[GROTMAN]

Most of our generation were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.


1. My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you !"

[Bawanna]

Damn! I got every single one of them lessons too. Must of been one of them thar curriculums or something back in the day.

I'm trying to teach my dog some smart stuff. He slipped out the door two nights in a row as I got home.

So tonights lesson was entitled ''If you love something set it free, an if it don't come back, hunt it down and kill the sum b!tch.

[muggsy]

Most of our generation were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.


1. My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you !"

That brought back a lot of memories. Mostly bad. :)

[b4uqzme]

That brought back a lot of memories. Mostly bad. :)

Good memories here. My parents were strict but reasonable and I love 'em for it.

[deadeye]

Same here. By the time I went out into the cruel world I was ready for it and took it head on. Too bad more parents now days aren't the same. My kids raised their kids as "buddies" very little discipline. Now they wonder why in their mid 20's they still live at home. When they ask me what to do about it I say "I dunno!"

[GROTMAN]

http://i.imgur.com/sXxehh8.jpg

[wyntrout]

HA! HA! I get the Boston accent.

Wynn :D

[wyntrout]

I remember these commercials.




https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/t1.0-9/1235170_758516300833826_448251388_n.jpg


Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.


The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?'


'Eight', the boy replied.


The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'


The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."


"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.


"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis, play golf and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

[Bawanna]

I'm gonna get me some of them. I can't do none of them things neither. Good one Wynn!


Cept golf, I don't want to play golf. Golf is stupid, whack a little ball and then go look for it. Sheeesh.

[GLOCKROCKER]

http://images1.tickld.com/live/articles/a_1034_20141114160616.jpg

[ltxi]

^ I really be liking that one.

[GROTMAN]

little hesitant to post this one.. but

Everyone's doing their part in Buffalo.

http://i.imgur.com/NYwgACi.gif

[Planedude]

little hesitant to post this one.. but

Everyone's doing their part in Buffalo.

http://i.imgur.com/NYwgACi.gif

A little Jimmy Kimmel brilliance, I laughed real hard seeing this bit and woke up the wife who announced that we were all weird... Priceless!

[DavidS]

A little heartwarming story......

11953

[GROTMAN]

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.

I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening at the Comfort Inn Hotel with Chantelle, my 18 year old secretary

Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on
the dining room table:
__________________________________________________ __________________________

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.


As you know, I am a mathematics teacher at our local college.
I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with
Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant Rugby coach.
He is young, virile and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman with a mathematical brain,
you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference

- 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

[jeepster09]

https://www.youtube.com/v/mYP-2UCS5nY


Sorry about Martha Jocko...

[Harrylee]

Me think I should call you prankster09. You made me stop watching gun stories to watch this, good job! Need a little laugh in life

[mr surveyor]

I think I've found my new favorite movie .... short, to the point, complete, entertaining

I'll be dreaming about Sally for days

[jeepster09]

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"

Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."

The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate."

Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

[jeepster09]

Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama’s new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michele would go friggin' ballistic.

Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."

"Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog."

They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked. The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head. "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there's something else you'd like?"

Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the genie the first photo. "But I’m actually married to this woman called Hillary" and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see Hillary isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"

The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Damn, let's have another look at the dog!"

[jeepster09]

The remote...

[jeepster09]

US Army Rescues ISIS SEX SLAVES....

[jeepster09]

The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, "Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Charlie Gibson said, "I'm living in New York, so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time." The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song. Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and asked, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish? "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine... "What?" asked the leader, "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.

In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?"

"What?"replied the Marine, "and have you three LAME STREAM MEDIA LIBERAL LIARS report that I was the aggressor...?!?!?!?!?!?!

[Bawanna]

Excellent!!!!!

[RevRay]

Very good! Very good!

[SlowBurn]

Q: if a fire hydrant has H2O inside, what does it have outside?
(riddle courtesy of my nine-year-old granddaughter)
A: K9P

[GROTMAN]

When your wife asks you what you want for Christmas.. be VERY specific..;)
http://i.imgur.com/PQFTKSc.jpg