Today's

[CJB]

A splendid day....

Decided to take the motorbike out for a little spin today. Started off goin' to Wally World, not for ammo today, but for some breeks. Ended up getting some Wranglers and decided that my t-shirts with the pits rotted out needed replacing, so I got a four pack of those. Went directly over to the 20 items or less checkout, and ... thats where all my fun started.

Two old farts, that had maybe 15 years each on me, the drooly mouf'd guy declares in Newyawkeez that he "hazz tventy items, but hizz wive hazz only nineteen" raising his forefinger in the air, with uplifted chin, not unlike a theatrical lawyer, making his case winning argument.

The nog at the register could only say "uh ok, I'll ring 'em up seperately". So much for speedy checkout.

So I stood there. Gotta mention, I'm dressed in jeans with various small holes, and a few larger ones fixed with gorilla glue, Redwing wellies, very faded black t-shirt, nice floral hedwrap, sunglasses, eight stainless steel rings, and a patched vest. Behind me were two young ladies. They began to mutter rather disparaging things about my attire, bikes in general, filth pertaining to personal cleanliness, and certain social diseases.

I thought I'd break the ice. I mentioned that bikers were easy to shop for. Couple of pre-washed jeans and a pack of black tees and we're good to go! They seem unamused. So I went on to mention that bikers as easy to shop for as lesbians, who only need flannel shirts and workboots to make their wardrobe.

Now they were REALLY not amused. I did not immediately notice that they had been holding hands. Oh well, if they can't take a joke, fu... well at least WATCH 'em, ya know?

Ok, so much for Wally World. Next stop gazz for the Harley.

Pulled into RaceTrack.... up to an empty pump, and the very young lady on the other side addressed me while she carefully put fuel into the tank of her Dodge SUV looking thing. Nice bike mister. Her father, watching carefully, said "she has to fill the tank after every lesson, I'm teaching her to drive". I asked if he was also gonna teach her not to talk to strange bikers while pumping gas. He was not amused. She blushed. I got on my bike and headed east....

... to the Bank of America.

No parking spots available, so I ease into the drive through ATM, with two cages ahead of me. By the time there was only one cager in front, the outdoor guard came over. "Sorry sir, we don't allow motorcycles in the drive thru ATM line". I heard him, but in disbelief, I asked him what he just said. "No motorcycles in the ATM line, I have to ask you to use the ATM inside the bank."

Now folks, this just ruffled my feathers the wrong damned way. Sorry, but I lost my sense of composure a little bit, and informed the uniformed and armed Security retiree, that I guessed he was really F'd when I came through after hours when he was gone. He was not amuzed, but asked me again, politely and sternly to break out of line. I asked him if he wanted to be the reason I was going to go inside, and inform the branch manager that I was withdrawing my money from the bank, then informed him that I had more in my accounts than he made in five years as guard at the bank, so if that was his choice, I'd be happy to oblige him with my choice.

The cage in front pulled away, and I putted up to the ATM, pasty looking 70 year old guard in my right rearview. The transaction took all of about 90 seconds, and I was out of there without further fanfare.

Just a typical day for a cool Saturday in the Florida swamplands.

[Bawanna]

Greasy bikers, always looking for trouble I tell ya! :D

[pbagley]

Ya know, you meet the nicest people on a Honda. Perhaps it's our choice in motorcycle. Yea, I'm on a Honda again after 14 years away.

[deadeye]

I guess you are right. Decided to quit my Harley and get a Honda. Darned dealer said I would have to shave, cut my hair and take a bath before they could sell me one. Still have the Harley. But he was nice about it.

[CJB]

A Honder? Some of them are ok, espcially those ol' stripped down GL1000's that can roar if ya give 'em a chance too.

I had a Honder CB550F back in the day, and once you got it past about 4000 rpm it started to make some power, but their overhead cam thing gave me nothin but trouble.

Also had a Yamaglide, wachucallit "Vertigo" bike. A Vee-Twin but 90degree. Had two carburetors that would blow off the boots if you gave it even the slightest twist on the throttle while crankin it up to start. Speakin' of which, the starter had a stupid planetary gear thing, who's ring gear always slipped - it was a friction fit in the case. The only fix was to weld the gear to the case, and that was a lot of trouble.

And I wonce picked up a barmaid in Tampa that said she had an Itchypussy that needed fixin'. I told her sorry lady, but I really didn't know much about J.A.P. bikes but I'd be happy to take a look at it. Talk about trouble.... she was.

[DavidR]

You're a great storyteller! Gotta love South Florida.

PS - If I'd been in Wally World there's no way I'd get in line behind you. Them biker dudes scare me! :o

[kerby9mm]

I took my money out of BOA years ago. They will be fine without yours too.

[muggsy]

CJB, do you know how I got to be an old man? By not fokking with any old men. Especially, armed old men. The guard didn't make the rule. He was only trying to do his job and enforce the Bank's rules. If you had a problem with the rule you should have taken it up with the bank manager. You were being an a-hole. You should go back to the bank and apologize to that old man. You give respectable bikers like Jocko a bad name.

[marshal kane]

That guard would likely have been disciplined or fired had his manager seen he couldn't enforce the bank's rules and likely that's the best job he's ever going to have. What's more, the comment you made to the girl at the gas pump in front of her father didn't earn bikers any points either. Both of them were cordial to you and you didn't reply in kind. I know your day started out rotten but it didn't have to continue that way. Cut us some slack, we're all just trying to survive in a rotten world.

Taking your money out of the Bank of America? I fully support that. They have a lousy reputation for scrwng their customers even as far back as when they were the Bank of Italy in San Francisco.

[CJB]

Here's the thing boys n girls. Bank is open seven hours a day five days a week, four hours on Saturday, and closed all the rest of the time. However, they got a drive thur ATM that never closes, as well as an inside ATM. Personally, I like the inside one, and even after hours, you can card yourself in (like it was at IBM when I worked there), use the ATM in relative comfort and privacy. But I digress.

The outside one's open, whether or not the old guy with the Model 10 is outside or not. Whats to stop anyone, car, truck, motorbike, bicycle, or walk-up from using the outside drive thru when there's no guard? Nothin'.

I'm not even sure if it is a rule, or if the old guy was just callin' it on his own. This I will find out, because I do know two of the tellers on a mutual first name basis at that branch.

As for BOA - they really suck. Only one's worse is Chase - they suck too and tried to weasel me out of a four figure sum when my old bank went under and they took over the accounts. I'm still fightin with 'em on that, and as to why they put a lean on my truck, when I never had no business with 'em at all, until they took over that account - which with the grace of Uncle Sam, they have frozen, and pay a whopping .01 percent interest on annually.

Come tomorrow, a Monday, I shall go into the bank and ask about said rules and regulations, but I will not rat out or chew out the guard no more over past deeds, since its the past, and I was able to get my mission accomplished. I don't think I was bein an A-hole, but rattin him after time passed would be bein' a bit of one I suppose. He does it again, he will get the same thing, unless I find they got a rule for sure, in which case I will protest their rule, their lack of sign informing folks of the rule, and they're lack of enforcement of it except when Barney Fife is out front with nothin' better to do.

Today was much better so far. Got up and out, and it was 52 degrees and the mist was risin' off the marsh, with its warm water against the cool air. Really nice sight in the low mornin' sun. Skeeters were not present, and Mr. Squirl was, who got his usual fare of peanuts to fight with Mr. Bluejay over. I hated to leave God's artwork, but I felt like gettin' into town for some breakfast. You know the northern carpetbaggers on the mild days. You kin spot 'em a mile aways - they're always wearin puffy winter jackets and headgear with shorts. Golddarnit its Florida and we gotta wear short pants, its the frikkin unwritten law, for northerbies that is.

The better sight was the tight babes joggin' along the beach in skimpe spandexercise wear. When I see 'em like that, and the tempertures below about 65 out, it somehow reminds me of how I chipped my front tooth. Funny how things like that work out, no?

[downtownv]

Born to be Wild!
Ride it like you stole it....

[Bawanna]

I surmise there is no bank rule about motorcycles and the ATM. I think the guard just didn't like greasy bikers and made up his own rule for the moment.

Must be some neighborhood down there, I don't know of any banks around here that even have guards.

I never cared for Bank of America anyhow, never had no money there either.

[yqtszhj]

Thats a good story. I really liked the flannel and workboots part.

I figured out a long time ago i dont have to worry too much about harley riders. They are pretty much open with what their thinking and dont have any trouble with saying "cool" or "screw you". Either one will be said as the situation fits. I think cjb or our own jocko will prove that point. The ones you have to watch out for is the coat and tie guys. They're fitting a mold. I aint much one for molds.

Not much for rules either. Common sense works best. Most rules are put there to keep stupid people from doing stupid things. Or maybe to keep people from doing things they should know already they are not to do. Kind of like putting up a sign at the zoo saying "Keep hands away from the lions". Folks outta know that already. I always tell them at work rules are meant to be a general guidline but in no means should be considered the law and should not be followed when a better method exist. Maybe that's why i never got one of those coat and tie jobs, not that i wanted one cause id have to get more than 3-4 haircuts a year and maybe even shave too and that aint gonna work.

[ltxi]

Need one of them there new 'lectric Harleys. Ridin' that wud mess up everyone's image head.

[CJB]

BLASTFEEMER!!!!!

Actually, the electric ones go like a bat outta hell, sound sorta jet like.

I believe you can put playing and or baseball cards on the spokes to make 'em sound better, and go faster.

Might needa double up on the cards, jus' sayin'.

[pbagley]

Mr CJB, my first Honda was a '76 CB550F. It was about the same HP as the Triumph 750 Tiger I had just before it, but it needed far less maintaining. The Triumph kept leaving parts behind due to fastener failures. Then it would fail to start due to rust in the carb bowl. I swore off Triumph until 3 years ago when I tried a Trophy 900. Easier to manage the power compared to the Yamaha Turbo 650 I used to have, but no faster and tons heavier. Back to that CB550F - I rode it around Lake Superior in 1990 - 1210 miles in two days, then I had to ride home from Philip WI on the Sunday night. Mr CJB's 550 engine must have had a soft cam - I adjusted my valvetrain once in 20,000 miles, other times I just checked clearances and there was no need to adjust. Now I ride a ST1100. Another heavy old bike, but comfortable and easier to control in heavy traffic than the Trophy. Probably no where near as easy as a Harley. Then again, I cannot afford a Harley.