July's Useless Anything Goes Thread

[Bawanna]

Let the games continue!

[rholmes69]

You know I was just kidding right? Typical liberal, taking everything I say seriously!

[rholmes69]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

[Bawanna]

You know I was just kidding right? Typical liberal, taking everything I say seriously!

When was the last time you saw me take anything or say anything serious. Call me a liberal again and there may be a first time.

Truth be told I forgot it was a new month myself, intended to keep a current random BS thread going. You provided the reminder.
If it's ok with everyone, I'd like to turn the calendar back to June 1. Got some stuff coming up and could use more time.
Actually June 1 say about 1970 would be better, kind of a do over.

[rholmes69]

I hope you know that I was totally kidding.... you progressive! There, I didn't say it!!!!! :D

[rholmes69]

I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train and think,
‘I’m gonna take that if no picks it up by the next stop!’

[rholmes69]

If a man is alone in the forest, without any women, is he still wrong?

[rholmes69]

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

A: If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts!

[rholmes69]

A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car?" asks the police officer.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do it," says the officer.

So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

[rholmes69]

A police officer pulled over a person who was speeding. The police officer walks up to the car and starts to talk to the man.

The cop says "Sir may i see your licence please."
The man says, "I don't have my licence officer."
The cop says, "You don't do you, well then let me see your registration."
The man say, "I don't have any registration, but wait let me see i think i saw it when i put my gun in the glove compartment"
The cop says pulling his gun out of its holster,"you gotta gun in the glove compartment?"
The man says, "Yeah, i used it to shoot the lady that i stole the car from".
The Cop says, "You shot a lady and stole her car."
The man says, "Yeah, shes in the trunk."
The cop Says, "you put the lady in the trunk?"

The cop thinks that he can't handle this by himself and calls in back up. The back up arrived and a police negotiator walks up to the car and talks to the man.

The negotiator says, "I understand you don't have your licence."
The man says, "What of course i have my licence."
The negotiator says,"You do then what about your registration?"
The man says, "Yep, i got that to its in my glove compartment."
The negotiator walks over and opens the glove compartement and to his surprise, the registration was in there and not a gun.
the negotiator says,"well what about the lady you stole the car from that you locked in the trunk?'
The man says, "Lady in the trunk what are you talking about?!"
The negotiator says, "Well one of the officers over there told me all of this stuff."
The man says, "well i bet that son-of-a-b***h told you i was speeding too!"

[Bawanna]

If a man is alone in the forest, without any women, is he still wrong?

Dang I can relate to this one. Should add teenage kids too.

[wyntrout]

MURDER AT WAL-MART...

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000..

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor ...

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called t he police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store ..

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...











(You're going to hate me for this ...)
















"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!"


W:D

[wyntrout]

"I Found this interesting"


If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a TelePrompTer installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?

If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan's holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?

If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia , would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the nonexistent "Austrian language," would you have brushed it off as a minor slip?

If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had stated that there were 57 states in the United States , would you have said that he is clueless?

If George W. Bush would have flown all the way to Denmark to make a five minute speech about how the Olympics would benefit him walking out his front door in Texas , would you have thought he was a self important, conceited, egotistical jerk?

If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to "Cinco de Cuatro" in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May (Cinco de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in embarrassment?

If George W. Bush had misspelled the word "advice" would you have hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoes as proof of what a dunce he is?

If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on Earth Day, would you have concluded he's a hypocrite?

If George W. Bush's administration had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually get what happened on 9-11?

If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If George W. Bush had created the position of 32 Czars who report directly to him, bypassing the House and Senate on much of what is happening in America , would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had pronounced "corps" as "corpse" three times in a speech would you have disregarded it?

If George W. Bush had pronounced "emancipation" as "epancapation" would you have given him a pass?


If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?

So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive? Can't think of anything? Don't worry. He's done all this in 15 months -- so you'll have two years and nine months to come up with an answer.

[Bawanna]

Dang it I bail out of that political discussion thread over yonder thinking I'll seek safe haven over here under totally useless (my forte) and I find this.
This is for important stuff like

Do you think Ann Nicole married for LOVE?

Do you think she was ever not effected by dope long enough to know what LOVE was?

Do you think if I gave her dope she would have LOVED me?

[rholmes69]

If you gave me dope.... well, lets stop while i'm ahead!

[jfrey]

NO

MAYBE

YES

Just a guess on my part, but who knows.

[Dietrich]

You know how to burn a gay man`s behind up?

Put some pepper on your tongue.

[Bawanna]

I'd have to lean towards no myself but I reserve the right to change my mind without cause or reason. Crap I could be in politics.
Mind changing, playing with boys. I have to go throw up now.:(

[jfrey]

You guys are ruining my image. My wife says I never smile, but I'm laughing my butt off reading this stuff. Keep it up.

[rholmes69]

Guy goes walking down the beach and one day and sees an armless and legless woman lying on a towel crying. He walks up to her and asks her what the problem.

"I'm 25 yrs old, I have no arms and no legs and I've never been hugged by a man before."

So in his kindness, he picks the woman up, hugs her, sets her down and says, "there, now you've been hugged," and walks away.

Next, same man is walking down the beach and encounters the same woman, crying again. "What is the problem ma'am," he asks her this day.

"Well, I'm 25 yrs old, have no legs and no arms and I've never been kissed before by a man."

The man thinks for a second, looks up and down the beach, then scoops her up and lays one on her.

"There," he says. "Now you have been properly kissed," and he walks on his way.

The next day, he is walking down the beach and encounters the same woman and the same scenario. "Ma'am, what could possbily be the problem today?"

"Well, I'm 25 yrs old with no arms or legs and I have never been scr%^ed before."

The young man scoops her up in is arms, walks towards the ocean and chucks her into the sea and says, "Now your screwed."

[rholmes69]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs swimming?



Bob

[rholmes69]

What do you call a person with no arms and no legs rolling in the leaves?



Russel

[rholmes69]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs rolling across the ground?




Skip

[rholmes69]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on a grill?



Frank

[rholmes69]

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs sitting on the grill?




Patty

[wyntrout]

Retired People

Forget the politics,......buy the concept..............seniors have more fun!

PARKING TICKET

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting after retiring. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Naz! turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh..-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw the car had an Obama sticker.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

[wyntrout]

Arabs and Jews................

A Jewish man was sitting in Starbucks reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his walks in, and seeing this strange phenomenon gets very upset and says to him: "'Moshe,have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"

Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspapers, but what did I find?
Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews being lost by assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to reading the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world.

The news is so much better!"

.

[wyntrout]

I heard a good one today......

"Honk if you love Jesus......text him if you want to meet him face to face"

[wyntrout]

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband asks...

"Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.


"Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat."


He never heard the gunshot

[wyntrout]

Anger Management

[wyntrout]

It's just retirement sex
Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life? 'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'
'Pension sex?'
'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'

________________________________________
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.'

'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.'
'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
________________________________________
QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, 'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'


________________________________________
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.

'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'




________________________________________

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'

'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' '


________________________________________

WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.' He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


________________________________________

ELDERLY SEX

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...He could also fly.'

[wyntrout]

I knew he reminded me of somebody famous...

[wyntrout]

While walking through Stanley Park in Vancouver, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"


"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.


"You've gotta be kiddin' me."


"No, would you like to give it a try?"


Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree & pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left..


Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?"


He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.


When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This is just not gonna be your day...............cupcake...."

.

[rglbegl]

...
http://kahrtalk.com/attachments/general-discussion/1828d1278089497-julys-useless-anything-goes-thread-02.jpg

[Bawanna]

Here's a real life funny story.

One of the sgts here wanted me to trade his Smith 586 and a Beretta 92 for a Glock 30. Since they carry 21's the 30 makes a good off duty, backup with mags interchangeable and stuff. Several wisely are'nt so concerned about interchanging mags and carry Kahr's. Wonder where that came from?

So I contact the LE gun shop we deal with and after two weeks they get back to me with tradein value.
125 for the Smith
200 for the Beretta.
I'm still laughing. Told them that wouldn't fly and wasn't worth the trip to the airport, I'll throw it away before I take 125 bucks. It's well holster worn but solid. I might try to get it myself if he gives me a reasonable price.

The guy in charge of LE sales at this shop is a great guy and has performed miracles but he became overwelmed so assigned minions to take care of me. They are very challenged to do so.

Anyone interested in a Beretta 92, I have 2 and maybe 3 to part with for guys here. Holster worn but good solid shooters. I'll get some firm asking prices if anyone is interested.

[Bawanna]

Here's some non Kahr gun porn to lighten up the afternoon.

The ones mentioned in the earlier trade in post.

[wyntrout]

Hmmm... how does that fit into a "useless" thread?:D


Subject: Why is California broke?

California:

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog then starts to attack the Governor.


1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural and he gets bitten by the coyote.


2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.


3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 for also testing it for diseases.


4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.


5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous animals.


6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness" program for residents of the area.


7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.


8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack somehow and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene.


9. Additional cost to State of California : $75,000 to hire and train a new security agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

10. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files suit against the State.



Arizona:

The Governor of Arizona is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks her dog and starts to attack her.


1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.


And that's why California is broke

[Bawanna]

I figured everything fit in a useless thread specially me. I should have called it the bawanna thread. Won't bother nobody if I talk to myself and answer myself or just hang around an wait for that pepper tongued Deitrich.
Did you know some wheelchair seats are made of kevlar? Should be I guess the money they get for the darn things.
Don't look like its gonna be my day cupcake.

[Bawanna]

You know how to burn a gay man`s behind up?

Put some pepper on your tongue.

I'm visualizing Broke Back Mountain Pepper. Is there a market for this ya think?
Do I care?
Would I market it if it were marketable?
Did Ann Nicole marry for love?
Am I a poster child for the reason they don't produce the good model glue any more?
Does Charlie Daniels play a mean fiddle?


ok bye

[rholmes69]

A great video for the thread, and seriously, best card trick ever.

Best Card Trick Ever (http://biggeekdaddy.com/humorpages/Humor/BestCardTrick.html)

[wyntrout]

I don't want to play cards with him. The two-handed trick was neat, too.
Wynn:D

[johnatw]

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD



To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27,=2 01:43 a.m. E.S.T.


I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex


P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

[jlottmc]

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD



To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27,=2 01:43 a.m. E.S.T.


I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex


P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!


Perhaps someday I will have the leveled head to do something like this. Does this count as a peppered tongue?

[Bigcube]

Happy 4th of July everybody! So far a good weekend for me, did a little shooting yesterday and a little fishing. Actually I paddled the canoe and drank beer while a friend fished :D


First time since I've owned my PM9 it didn't get exercised. Was a Sig day yesterday :eek:

[rglbegl]

At the end of the movie Back to the Future, Doc sets the time machine Delorean to future. A future where cars fly and run on garbage.
What was that 'Future' date?

http://kahrtalk.com/attachments/general-discussion/1838d1278363523-julys-useless-anything-goes-thread-125417720.jpg

[rholmes69]

We need to bump this baby back up...


THE CONSIDERATE BAGPIPER
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man.
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.

[bps3040]

Here you go :D

[bps3040]

Lol, true love

[bps3040]

another

[bps3040]

one more

[wyntrout]

rh' that was a good one... the bagpiper.LOL.
Wynn:D

[bps3040]

:D lol

[bps3040]

another

[bps3040]

Ahhh, diversity

[TD2K]

Best. Craigslist ad. Ever.
(got this from a friend of mine in Seattle)



Divorcing my almost NEW Giant XTC 2 - $750 (Cabbagetown)


Me - We need to talk
ME - I... I don't think we should see each other anymore

XTC = What! Why?

ME - It's not you, I swear.

XTC - I'm too big... that's it isn't it!

ME = no, not at all... Hell, I'm 6'. technically I'm too big for you.

XTC - Is it my shifters? You don't like the Deore's anymore...

ME - No! I'm telling you it's me, you're perfect. You ride better than any other bike

XTC - What!!! you ass hole! you've been riding other bikes!
XTC - god I can't believe you!

ME - Yes, ok I admit it! you're just too... hybrid for me.

XTC - Her shocks are bigger aren't they.

ME - god dammit, can we not... please.

XTC - I hate you. As soon as I find someone new I'm leaving.

ME - hahaha, don't make me laugh, what are you gunna do, post a classified on Craigslist?

.... ... ... ...

**** you Giant.XTC 2.... I hate you... even though we were only together for less than a year, you let me ride you maybe 10 times! I never want to see you again.
Here are all the naked pictures I have of you... I hope everyone see's what a skank you are.
slut
pickup onlyhttp://kahrtalk.com/[IMG]http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f3/jessisfarks/clbike.jpg
http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f3/jessisfarks/clbike.jpg

[DKD]

All I have to add is, with all this policital nonsense going around, the Fed's not doing their damn job enforcing our national soverenty, not to mention upholding the Constitution, that they are sworn to uphold and defend....makes you wonder.
Well all I have to say is remember the Alamo, The South shall rise again and save you confedearte dollars boys. Can we have an amen and a rousing corus of the "Bonney Blue Flag".

[Frankhenrylee]

I always knew I wanted to be somebody, I realize now I should've been more specific

[bps3040]

For all my animal loving friends:

Montana Bear Tragedy




This is a very sad story about a bear. Everybody should heed the warning to not feed wildlife because they become dependent and cannot forage for themselves anymore.



This is such a tragedy to see what they have done to our country's wildlife!

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect U.S. wildlife . . . .


http://us.mg201.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f7637%5fAIXHjkQAAPJUTDXF2AkmOjKOt3 c&pid=2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party..... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This photo is of a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed . .. .Bearack Obearma.








=

[jlottmc]

For all my animal loving friends:

Montana Bear Tragedy

This is a very sad story about a bear. Everybody should heed the warning to not feed wildlife because they become dependent and cannot forage for themselves anymore.



This is such a tragedy to see what they have done to our country's wildlife!

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect U.S. wildlife . . . .


http://us.mg201.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f7637%5fAIXHjkQAAPJUTDXF2AkmOjKOt3 c&pid=2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party..... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This photo is of a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed . .. .Bearack Obearma.






=
I can't see any thing :confused:

[bps3040]

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."


With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"


Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.


After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."

[bps3040]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.



The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”



The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”



There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

[Bawanna]

Good one. Wish I could remember some of these to contribute.

[Bawanna]

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).


We decided to grab a bite at the food court.


I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.


The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.


My Dad kept staring at her.


The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.


When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: “What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”


Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!


In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid …………


“Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."

[rholmes69]

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go
into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as
he ran home and started to tell his mother, - Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little, Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.

Mommy fainted!

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

[rholmes69]

A small zoo in West Virginia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.


Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like some rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?


Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "She must wear a ' Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt."The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.

[rholmes69]

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children ! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away !"

And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!!
And the husband began --
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days ! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

[rholmes69]

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

[rholmes69]

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my swim suit, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 30 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 15 years replied, "Can you believe my dumb- *** husband is out skiing in that crap?"

I still don't know if she was joking.

[rholmes69]

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.'

And the other guy says: 'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, 'No........I'm a little busy right now!!!'

Then I hear the guy say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.'

[rholmes69]

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

[rholmes69]

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks.
He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "Why is a camel tied to the barracks?"

The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from any where, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do... uh... we have the camel."

The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn't control his sexual angst any longer. He barked to his sergeant, "BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!"

The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and led the camel into the Captain's quarters.

Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. "So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?" he asked.

The Sergeant replied, "Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town."

[rholmes69]

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5 iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective! asks, 'Ma'am, is that your husband?
'Yes' says the woman.
'Did you hit him with that golf club?'
'Yes, yes, I did.' The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.
'How many times did you hit him?'
'I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times....just put me down for a five.'

[rholmes69]

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.' St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.' God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

[wyntrout]

Police Quotes. These are actual police officer quotes collected from numerous people stopped for moving traffic violations.

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

[wyntrout]

A New Kind of Dr. Seuss

[wyntrout]

Once upon a time...

[bps3040]

Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy,
“But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”

The third piggy says -

“Well, somebody has to go Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!”


Are you sorry this thread was started?????
http://www.defensivecarry.com/vbulletin/attachments/off-topic-humor-discussion/20183d1278881332t-your-bad-joke-day-piggy.gif (http://www.defensivecarry.com/vbulletin/attachments/off-topic-humor-discussion/20183d1278881332-your-bad-joke-day-piggy.gif)

[wyntrout]

Some more stuff I received, and Hey! The first mentions a gun!

Wynn:D

[jlottmc]

You know the very last of those is not a bad idea.

[rglbegl]

Anyone recognize this beach?
Where are those license plates from?


http://i.imgur.com/St57e.jpg

[Bawanna]

Can't see em clear enough but I think you've found the location where Beauty and the Beast was filmed. She's truely blessed. I think she might be an angel, I looked at her face.

[bps3040]

Can't see em clear enough but I think you've found the location where Beauty and the Beast was filmed. She's truely blessed. I think she might be an angel, I looked at her face.

Lol, I do not know about that, but I bet she has a backache carrying those puppies around all the time!:D

[OldLincoln]

Nah, she's the same as her friend, just wearing a push-up top!

[Bawanna]

Maybe if I believe in reincarnation I'll come back as a push up top?

[OldLincoln]

Talk about BIG, did anybody even notice the HUGE bottles of beer to the left?

[Bawanna]

I think it's a foreign beach. Too many strange cars. I also think the blessed one is the front of the angel and I looked at her face.??????
Those really are big beer bottles next to the land whale. Someone should wet her down before she dries out and throw her back in the water.

Hope they don't reject me at the pearly gates and cheat me out of looking at all the angels.

[Jeremiah/Az]

Think about this. In a few years those will be 44 LONGS! I have an exwife that happened to!

[Bawanna]

Cherish and enjoy what is today. Yesterdays gone, we can't get it back. I try not to ponder the future too much but savor the 44 longs of today.
She has to be an angel, I think I've turned to stone. I looked at her face.

[OldLincoln]

Bawanna, you are a naughty boy! Or as Lou Costello said "I've been a Baaaaaad Boy".

[Bawanna]

Bawanna, you are a naughty boy! Or as Lou Costello said "I've been a Baaaaaad Boy".

I truely am. I shall be punished for certain. I've been a Baaaaaaad Boy.

[wyntrout]

Hey! Bawanna', Charley Pride was born on March 18, 1938, in Sledge, Miss. He's still alive, but I don't think he's done anything new for a while. I have his 36 Greatest Hits on CDs. "Kiss an Angel Good Morning" is my favorite. He started out mimicking the CW on radio and when he became successful, there were a lot of people who couldn't believe he's black, including some racist bigots who destroyed their records of his singing when they "discovered" that.

Oh! That part of your body turning to stone is only temporary. The antidote is thinking of Rosie O'Donnell.:puke:
Wynn:D

[deadhead1971]

anyone want to discuss Calabash seafood?

[mr surveyor]

I prefer ales over lagers myself.

[jlottmc]

Wynn you are a horrible troll like man. Gouge your eyes out, wash your hands till they bleed for typing that. That name (the R one) is worse than calling on Yahweh. You just killed my enjoyment of the new issue of The Blue Press. I was quite happy to turn to stone... I like Charlie Pride, great talent, but that other name :puke:

[Bawanna]

I always liked Charlie Pride music and Kiss and Angel was my favorite too. You say that R word to me again though and I'll be headed to Florida with a can of whoop arse. I gotta go find my angel again or the beach girl with the pushup top. Dang it's working again already. She has to be an angel.
What wine goes best with calabash seafood? Red, White, any other options. I'm just trying to sound intelligent, like that's gonna happen. I don't drink wine since I overdosed in my youth on Annie Green Springs (poison) and I also don't know what calabash seafood is so this is all completely over my head.

[jlottmc]

I don't drink wine much either. I prefer jet fuel like 151, and everclear. As for seafood, I'll pass thanks. Ate too much as a kid and spent three days giving it back.

[wyntrout]

Well, you're all lucky that I thought it was too much trouble to go find that photo of her head on the hairy terrorist's body.:puke:

# 2 is "Is anybody going to San Antone".

And a good cool -- not cold! -- bitter is the best. After my last TDY to England in 1987 and a visit to the Arkell Brewery, I was sold on bitter. I got used to drinking ale, beer, and bitter at warmer temperatures. Americans can't even taste their almost freezing temperature beer and they try to preserve all the carbonization by pouring the beer slowly down the side. It's best poured into the middle releasing flavor and bouquet! :D

The Arkell Brewery owner loved the U.S. and sent buses to pick up each US TDY bomber contingent and took them to the brewery where we were feted with all the different ON-TAP brews they had, and all of the cold cuts and cheese, etc., to go with it... plus a six pack of their best bitter to take with each of us. I imported mine and I never could find any over here. :(

Accommodation in Swindon, hotels, bed and breakfast and pubs Swindon | Arkell's Brewery Swindon (http://www.arkells.com/)


In the early 90's my wife got stationed at San Antonio and I started making my own bitter. This was before the explosion of micro-breweries. Now that was good stuff. I could make two cases at a time and I never had any exploding bottles because I let the first fermentation complete in the 6-gallon carboy, before adding a bit of sugar to let it ferment in the bottles. That was the hardest part, waiting for the bottle fermentation to complete. I did a lot of experimentation with adding more and more malted wheat and various hops.

That's too much trouble now. You can buy dozens of different brands of bitter. And now I drink mostly wine with my meals and the occasional brew with pizza or Mexican food.

That last TDY -- less than 2 weeks after my new bride got stationed with me after almost a year apart -- I took a DC cooler and a 240-to-12 volt power supply so my crew and I had cold beer, and when we wanted it. They had funny (not so funny when you landed after a long flight and wanted a brew) pub or bar hours. I was in a nice hotel in Swindon. Later TDYs were in freaking tents simulating field deployments. I'm glad I missed those!

What the heck was this thread about... I get a little carried away... sometimes.

Wynn:D

[getsome]

Ahhh Bawanna, your Annie Green Springs comment takes me back to a place I never want to go again....A few summers ago when I was 13 my buddies and I camped out in the woods and somehow came up with 4 bottles of Boone's Farm smokey mountain grape wine along with several cigars....Welllllll that next afternoon when we came out of the comma was the sickest I have EVER been in my life and to this day I can't stand the smell of any kind of wine and even vinager makes me gag....Lessons we must learn the hard way...:puke:

[mr surveyor]

dang, Wyn.... we have something in common.....

I started brewing in 1995 myself. Tried the summer wheat ale at the Fredricksburg Brewery (Texas), and fell in love.... I decided right then that I would discover the secrete for making "liquid bread" at home. About a month later I did my first batch - extract/partial mash- American style wheat. Within a couple of months I decided extract was too restrictive, as well as expensive, and started all grain. Used to buy 55# sacks of base malt and mill what I needed per batch. I got so enthused after a couple of years that I entertained the idea of setting up a small micro-brew shop in conjunction with a friend's restruant. By 2000 my day job started requiring more time, and new technologies available in my "day job" garnered most of my enthusiasm and time, so brewing took a huge step backwards. For several years I brewed every 4-6 weeks, year around. Stuck to ales though as the seasonal temps here in NE Texas aren't condusive to lagering, and I had neither the space for the equipment needed for lagering, nor the interest in making the additional investment. In the last 4-5 years I may have brewed 4-5 times. I do still get a few brew supply catalogues occassionally, and have noticed that the grain and hop prices have really jumped in the last few years.

surv:)

oh, and of the many varieties I have attempted to brew, my favorites became the IPA style for Fall, Porter for the winter months, Dubles for spring, and Wheats for summer. The last few years were "whatever came out of the clearing tank" style, as I used whatever was available on brewing day.

[Bawanna]

Yup, mine was very similar story. Sometimes the world still spins when I lay down just thinking about it. I thought for sure I was a goner on that stuff. I wake up feeling poorly enough due to natural causes, I don't need any help pouring rotten grapes down my neck. The smell gags me as well. Was talking to an old girlfriend at a class reunion years ago, had to put her down wind, she had a glass of wine, thought it was all over.
Always suffered major hangovers drinking most anything so being an alcoholic was never a career option for me.
I give up cig, cigars and rarely drink, I should feel like superman but I felt way better when I smoked and drank. Must be high mileage?

[wyntrout]

Surv', I thought about trying to get into brewing again here in Jacksonville. I had about 8 cases of super beer bottles (Samuel Adams Boston Ale types) and looked into the ingredients and gave that up right away... too expensive now and I prefer wine these days. Bitter, my favorite, is widely available now and my tastes have changed.
I still have everything but the ingredients, including the 10-gallon stainless pot. I even bought an all-stainless gas fryer set up that's still in the box unused. i just wanted the burner part, anyhow... stainless except for the actual burners.
I spend too much time on my other hobbies and can't even get to the "honey-do's" that really need doing.:D
Guns & ammo, shooting, and online shopping take up so much of my time! There's so much gun paraphernalia perched on every available surface throughout the house, that it's a wonder my wife hasn't kicked me in the butt! If she didn't work, I would definitely be in trouble! I sure love her... a real winner in my life's lottery!

Wynn:D

[O'Dell]

Yup, mine was very similar story. Sometimes the world still spins when I lay down just thinking about it. I thought for sure I was a goner on that stuff. I wake up feeling poorly enough due to natural causes, I don't need any help pouring rotten grapes down my neck. The smell gags me as well. Was talking to an old girlfriend at a class reunion years ago, had to put her down wind, she had a glass of wine, thought it was all over.
Always suffered major hangovers drinking most anything so being an alcoholic was never a career option for me.
I give up cig, cigars and rarely drink, I should feel like superman but I felt way better when I smoked and drank. Must be high mileage?

Never been a drinker. When I was in the Navy, I'd buy a bourbon and water at the O Club, and just keep adding water all night. Now I get an orange or grapefruit juice, and everyone thinks there's something else in it. I've never tasted beer or wine, and don't think I want to do so. My problem is and has been smoking. I started in my 2nd Class year at the Academy, and haven't stopped yet. I wish I could get motivated to do it.

[wyntrout]

Dang! I just got an email about the perfect exercise aid! Check this out... it might just be what some of us need!
Wynn:D

[rglbegl]

Once again, Beagle is bringing the funny



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[rglbegl]

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http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z157/hwcustoms/image9.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z157/hwcustoms/image8.jpg

[rglbegl]

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z157/hwcustoms/image17.jpg

[rglbegl]

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z157/hwcustoms/image16.jpg

[rglbegl]

There are more, but they may be a little edgy.
Too much T&A . . . maybe.

[rglbegl]

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z157/hwcustoms/image7.jpg

[Bawanna]

Gentlemen and D2TK? (we really gotta get you a real name.)
Bawanna has left the buiding. That's right all you anti Bawanna folks get the next best thing to your 27 virgins. Sorry D2, that slipped out. I'm off to eastern washington to do my duty thinning bass and trout out of a pretty good fishing lake that shall remain nameless at this point.
I'll be incommunicado for about 2 weeks. I find myself thinking that I'm gonna miss this place but maybe if I fish enough and soak up enough sun I'll make it thru ok.
Be kind to each other and don't let the asylum slip down hill none. I suspect the racers will be posting furiously to take the lead for those that care about such things, I must be up around 2000 or so. Turbo Freakin Bucket Mouth.

Anyhow stay safe, catch ya on the flip flop.

An Dietrich, your just yummy.

Peace Out.

[wyntrout]

Have fun and good luck fishing... don't forget to take pictures to share!
Wynn:D

[bps3040]

BEST BAR JOKE

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

[rglbegl]

NEW TOY!!!!!
I know, it is not a Kahr, but who cares!?!?!?!?!

Looks pretty good for a 55 year old gun.

http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o60/rglbegl/SDC10408.jpg

[MikeyKahr]

This, my friend, does not belong in the useless thread. Quite useful indeed, and I am sure it was put to good use back in the day. Very nice.


NEW TOY!!!!!
I know, it is not a Kahr, but who cares!?!?!?!?!

Looks pretty good for a 55 year old gun.

http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o60/rglbegl/SDC10408.jpg

[wyntrout]

Now, that doesn't look cuddly! Formidable, for sure!
Wynn:D

[mr surveyor]

WOW...... that looks just like my living room floor.....and I have a birthday coming up Saturday....... is that Garand on my living room floor, and I'm sitting here in my office....


gotta go check the living room floor...what a great birthday present for me... be back with a report shortly:):):):)


surv

[mr surveyor]

:(






nice rifle;)


surv

[rglbegl]

WOW...... that looks just like my living room floor.....and I have a birthday coming up Saturday....... is that Garand on my living room floor, and I'm sitting here in my office....


gotta go check the living room floor...what a great birthday present for me... be back with a report shortly:):):):)


surv


What !!!!!
That wasn't your house???!!!?!?!?!

Then who's house did I leave it in?????

[jlottmc]

You need the original uncut bayonet for that, nice job though.

[wyntrout]

KICK ME... MAY BE AN OLD BUT GOOD STORY. SMILE TODAY. :)

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'


The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'


Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'


The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.


Gibson was satisfied.


Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'


The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments.


He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'
The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what
is your final wish?

'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine...

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.


The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.

In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor.....?'

Semper Fi!

If You Are Not Willing To Stand Behind Our Troops, Please, Please Feel Free To Stand In Front Of Them!

[rglbegl]

You need the original uncut bayonet for that, nice job though.
Mine was built in 1955, so that is the correct period specific bayonet. (M8)
I do want the 16" one, but that was made way before my gun was produced. But the 16"er is bad ass!!!!! So I may get one anyway

I took her to the range today. Everyone who shot it was able to hit a milk jug at 100 yards from a standing position. The barrel on this particular gun is in great shape.

[Bawanna]

Mine was built in 1955, so that is the correct period specific bayonet. (M8)
I do want the 16" one, but that was made way before my gun was produced. But the 16"er is bad ass!!!!! So I may get one anyway

I took her to the range today. Everyone who shot it was able to hit a milk jug at 100 yards from a standing position. The barrel on this particular gun is in great shape.

Thats really prime and bad ass with or without the blade. Looks to be in really nice shape. Who made that one?

[rglbegl]

Action and barrel are Springfield
Op-rod and bolt are HRA

[Bawanna]

Action and barrel are Springfield
Op-rod and bolt are HRA

Looks like a keeper to me no matter who made it.
I'll post a pic of mine sometime, maybe use it to learn how to operate the camera I'm after this afternoon. It's sad when a camera can be smarter than the operator and has an instruction book near as big as a phone book.
I'll stop and get Advil and maybe a 12 pack to bond with.

[jlottmc]

Though it may be the correct blade, I still have a soft spot for the "non-NCO sword" as we used to call it in the armory. Either way, with a Garand, to use a blade with it means you be in a world of trouble. Great score at any rate. Take care of it too.;)

[jlottmc]

KICK ME... MAY BE AN OLD BUT GOOD STORY. SMILE TODAY. :)

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'


The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'


Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'


The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.


Gibson was satisfied.


Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'


The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments.


He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'
The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what
is your final wish?

'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine...

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.


The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.

In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor.....?'

Semper Fi!

If You Are Not Willing To Stand Behind Our Troops, Please, Please Feel Free To Stand In Front Of Them!


That's one of my favorite, hadn't seen it some time though.