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View Full Version : Deep Thoughts from a married man.



kenemoore
02-15-2016, 09:09 AM
Borrowed from another site:

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.
The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?'
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.

kwh
02-15-2016, 10:42 AM
Does one use a push mower or a riding mower?
I am guessing a riding mower will allow for more philosophical thought time, or would a push mower require more beers for "hydration" and thus enhance the thought process?
Inquiring minds want to know.

Baklash
02-15-2016, 02:45 PM
Does one use a push mower or a riding mower?
I am guessing a riding mower will allow for more philosophical thought time, or would a push mower require more beers for "hydration" and thus enhance the thought process?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Better yet......I ride behind my wife and give her encouragement as she pushes a mower. I do give her a short break every now and then so she can go get me another beer. This gives me lots of time for creative and insightful thought.

Bills1873
02-15-2016, 02:48 PM
Yeah right!

TheTman
02-15-2016, 05:57 PM
Something even more painful than a kick in the nuts, having experienced both is trying to pass a kidney stone. Women will even agree that is about as close to childbirth as a man will ever get. Neither is something you want to go thru again. The only advantage to a Kidney Stone, is once you get to a medical facility, they will give you some very strong pain medicine. About all you get for a kick in the nuts is a bag of ice.

hardluk1
02-16-2016, 06:06 AM
32 years after my wife gave birth to other first child I still pull my right hand in close when seeing a women in labor on tv . Just a reaction to my wife trying to crush mine during contractions over far to many hours of pain . A kick in the nuts would have been taking the easy way out for a guy !

muggsy
02-16-2016, 06:56 AM
There are five things that you need in a woman. You need a woman who is totally honest. You need a woman who is a good house keeper.You need a woman who is a good cook. You need a woman who is good with children. You need a woman who is great in bed and who is totally unaware of the other four.

GROTMAN
02-16-2016, 05:15 PM
There are five things that you need in a woman. You need a woman who is totally honest. You need a woman who is a good house keeper.You need a woman who is a good cook. You need a woman who is good with children. You need a woman who is great in bed and who is totally unaware of the other four.

Made me laugh... I think we could have had all 5 in one if only Adam had been willing to give up just a little bit more for it..

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden, feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said this person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.

Adam asked what a woman like this would cost him. God said, "An arm and a leg."

Adam thought for a moment and then replied, "What can I get for just a rib?"