May month humor

[340pd]

Why seniors should not go to summer camp.

http://i.imgur.com/2SvpTAA.gifv

[RevRay]

Why seniors should not go to summer camp.

http://i.imgur.com/2SvpTAA.gifv

That hurt just watching it ... the guy on the right end looks like he took a bad fall.

[deadeye]

I can't help but wonder if medical science will ever come up with a cure for stupidity.

[GROTMAN]

I can't help but wonder if medical science will ever come up with a cure for stupidity.

Seems to be two different views on that..

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/69/26/06/692606f49a261b984e04801d224392e8.jpg (https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjd6IXd4tTTAhUl8YMKHZMCAZgQjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F529243 393686269235%2F&psig=AFQjCNGGuoGncejZDiwASlf1XowvYxZUdg&ust=1493936723253850)

[GROTMAN]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-q1MWuf2995c/VAzix-RVv3I/AAAAAAAA6EY/Z1_dTMz4p3s/s1600/take-the-plastic-challenge-to-cure-stupidity.jpg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjy0YaA49TTAhWH3oMKHfxcCq8QjRwIBw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnybits.mobi%2F2014%2F09%2F take-plastic-bag-challenge-to-cure.html&psig=AFQjCNGGuoGncejZDiwASlf1XowvYxZUdg&ust=1493936723253850)

[Bawanna]

I don't know, I kind of admire them for having the gumption to even try it.

Actually the 3 or 4th guy from the right started the chain reaction. Had they stayed aboard everything probably would have been ok, until the same guys realized they were so high and probably would lose their balance and fall anyhow.

Several looked like they had bad landings and I bet there were some sore old dudes for awhile.

[Armybrat]

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another double martini.

After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another one.

The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martini's all night long - but you got to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I will know it's time to go home!"

[Armybrat]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker

told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man

thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and

you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take

that chance."

[downtownv]

http://www.kahrtalk.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=14721&stc=1

[downtownv]

http://www.kahrtalk.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=14722&stc=1

[downtownv]

http://www.kahrtalk.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=14723&stc=1

[jeepster09]

Attending Church in Chicago

..............



When I heard Al Sharpton and
Jesse Jackson were guest preachers at a nearby church, We decided to
Go there and check them out in person.



As soon as we sat down,
Reverend Sharpton came over to us. I don't know why, maybe it was
Because we were the only white people in the church.



He laid his hands on my hand
And said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord Almighty, and the will of
God, you will walk today." I told him I was not
Paralyzed.



Then Jesse Jackson came by
And said to me: "By the Grace of God, and his Son Jesus, the Lord
Almighty, you will walk today."



Again I said that there is
Nothing wrong with me.



After the sermon I stepped
Outside and lo and behold..
















My Car Was Gone!

[jeepster09]

Jesus in a diner
A Republican, who is in a wheelchair, enters a diner. He notices a man dressed strangely at the end of the counter. He asked the waitress who the man was and the waitress replied it was Jesus . The man instructs the waitress to give Jesus a cup of coffee and that he would pay for it . A while later a libertarian with a severe hunchback walks in and sits down and notices the strangely dressed man. He also asked the waitress who that was and was informed that it was indeed Jesus. He instructs the waitress to give the man a cup of tea and he would pay for. A Democrat with a severe limp walks in and also noticed the strange looking man. He also asked the waitress who he was and was informed that it was Jesus. He instructs the waitress to give the man a glass of wine and he would pay for it. After Jesus finished his beverages, he got up and walked up to the Republican and thanked him for the cup of coffee. He then touched the man, and he was healed immediately and could walk without the wheelchair. Jesus then went up to the libertarian also thanked him for the cup of tea. He touched him and his hunchback disappeared. Next, Jesus walked up to the Democrat, thanked him for the glass of wine, and the man jumped back and cried out, Don't touch me I'm receiving disability.

[jeepster09]

:Amflag2:

[Armybrat]

Hey, I've bought an SR9 and an SR45 - both shoot great and are very accurate. :p

(pretty funny though)

[GROTMAN]

http://i.imgur.com/nGFxo51.jpg

[jeepster09]

Good one :=]

[jeepster09]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRdft01Gv6s

[Ed M]

Caution - graphic (fake) content.....




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyisfzUT7Ys

[jeepster09]

A Text from the Neighbor

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

[wyntrout]

Bubba got a new Harley!

One day, Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba riding a brand new Harley. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
“Bubba, where’d you get that bike?!”

“Sue gave it to me,” Bubba replied.

“She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new Harley?”

“Well, Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were riding out on a County Road in the middle of nowhere. She parked the bike got off of it. Then, she threw off all her clothes and said, ‘Bubba, take whatever you want.’ So I took the Harley!”

Joe said, “You’re a smart man, Bubba! Them clothes woulda never fit you.

:D

[wyntrout]

Why Neanderthals became extinct

https://scontent-mia1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/18557036_1625850070759716_3790967082520370119_n.jp g?oh=6103542a4764ed8d7261a7bd9dfe3cee&oe=59A3779A

(https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1625850070759716&set=gm.728016967378164&type=3)

[wyntrout]

A little something for Jocko. :)

https://scontent-mia1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/18589072_1346564945411280_5829698794798456590_o.jp g?oh=afa8080c98216bfcd647d8eb8b360204&oe=59BEB4C9

[jeepster09]

Good ones :=]

[wyntrout]

Get your eye-bleach ready!

https://scontent-mia1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/18528102_1511789348893281_3042429304137991696_n.jp g?oh=c444770b4fdb8a313b64f8b2e2cd6f3e&oe=59BD7753

[Bawanna]

You know what I just did a little bit in my mouth.

[GROTMAN]

Not sure if she's drinking from that container or just got done peeing in it..:ohmy:

[GROTMAN]

always loved the far side.. :)

http://i.imgur.com/SNbIrur.jpg

[Bawanna]

Not sure if she's drinking from that container or just got done peeing in it..:ohmy:

That thought crossed my mind as well but I figured there was no way she's that good a shot since she undoubtedly can't see the shooter or the target.
Whatever it is, I ain't drinking it, that's fo sho.

[jeepster09]

I agree! :=]


always loved the far side.. :)

http://i.imgur.com/SNbIrur.jpg

[CPTKILLER]

Funny, I found it & posted it.

[jeepster09]

Squirrels vs the Church
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

[GROTMAN]

Getting tired of working for someone else so decided to start my own business. Am open to anyone who wants to join in and help set these up across the country for a very minimal franchise fee .:wof:
http://i.imgur.com/KAuxAEg.jpg

[jeepster09]

The Colonoscopy...
Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation,
I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating.

As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.

"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me.

"I don't have an erection," I replied.

"I do" replied the nurse.

Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco.