June June....

[jeepster09]

Two Old Bikers
An old biker bumped into Jocko coming out of the grocery store. He noticed that his friend had no pants on.

"Say Bro, What's happening?" he asked his friend.

"Nuttin much. What's new with you?" his pantless friend responded.

"You do know you ain't got any pants on?" his buddy stated.

"Yup."

"So what gives?"

"Well, the other day I went riding with no shirt and I wound up with a stiff neck. This is my wife's idea".

[Bawanna]

Somebody help me back in the chair. I'm emailing the ole coot on this one. Good one.

[jocko]

Heh ya all asswipes. If u haven’t tried the pants thing, then don’t knock it. Ol JOCKO is alive snnwell. Just bred 50 sheep a few weeks ago. Somecwere even makes,but WTF at my ago who cares

[jocko]

By the way ol JOCKO PMJ9 has over 40k rounds thru it. Just boughtvthe wife a new 2018 HD Heritage classic 114. Nice machine!
Fightingvthru some health issues but still able to throw a leg over my 2010 streetglide with 76k miles an autographed by Willie G. God bless America

[Bawanna]

Thanks for stopping by Jocko. I suspect when your time comes (hopefully a long ways off) they'll bury the streetglide with you a sitting on it like they did that fella a few years back. That ought to shake up the archeologist when they excavate him in a few hundred years.

[Armybrat]

:yo: Well hello there Jocko!

[Armybrat]

Ward: So what happened to your pearl necklace?
June: Now don't be so hard on the Beaver.

http://silverscreenartists.com/files/2016/08/BABS-cooking.jpg

[skiflydive]

Jocko!!!!!!!

[jeepster09]

Hey Jocko....here is some vintage porn for ya.....

[AIRret]

HEY JOCKO….the convict and I MISS YA!! It's just not the same without you.

When your not around I'm the worst speller on the Forum!

[Bawanna]

My Jocko decoder ring was corroding, timing was perfect. I cleaned and oiled it up. Used old oil out of a Gold Whiner.

[jeepster09]

Whiner....Weiner...hmmm...

[getsome]

Five rules for a happy and successful long term relationship with a woman

1. Find a woman who really likes taking great care of you.

2. Find a woman who wants to spend time with you doing the things you most enjoy.

3. Find a woman who makes you laugh.

4. Find a woman who truly loves you with all her heart.

5. Most important rule of all. Never let any of these women find out about each other!!!

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/34539903_2010440382605591_6689947601208344576_n.jp g?_nc_cat=0&oh=f3ad2ef037580965b4d51231bf26db77&oe=5B7D3DDB

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/12043008_10207792194464365_140825405337303368_n.jp g?_nc_cat=0&oh=941068a5e980fe3b6d6ad12d85a5bafa&oe=5BB0A4E6
(https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10207792194464365&set=a.1770517384274.102227.1279420498&type=3)




Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

[AIRret]

Your BAD……..but funny!!!

[wyntrout]

WARNING !!!!!!! GREEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...


https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/35412764_10215142791475613_8638055302505168896_n.j pg?_nc_cat=0&oh=35a0e4dc9c865742485f3f38e11e6f74&oe=5BAC3CC0

WARNING !!!!!!! GREEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...

The smooth Green Snake sometimes called a grass Snake (Opheodrys vernalis) ,can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

[kenemoore]

Good one, I'm going to steal it and use it.

[Armybrat]

June 23, 1917, Boston Red Sox pitcher Babe Ruth (yes, that Babe Ruth) was ejected in the first inning of a baseball game against the Washington Senators. He was replaced by Ernie Shore, who retired the next 26 batters in a row.

The game had started with Ruth walking Senators lead-off batter Ray Morgan; umpire Brick Owens lost no time in ejecting Ruth when he approached the plate to argue about the four pitches (which witnesses say were obviously balls, but the odds of Ruth being too drunk to see clearly were, alas, fairly high).

Ruth, being Ruth, decided that the appropriate response to getting ejected was to slug the ump (though, again, he didn't land a good punch, probably owing to being stinking drunk).

After Shore came into the game, Morgan attempted to steal 2nd and was thrown out. Thus, only the minimum 27 Senators batted in the game, which for years was carried in the record books as a perfect game by Shore, though it was later changed to reflect more accurately that it was a no-hitter shared by two pitchers.

Ruth served a 10 game suspension, with a $100 fine, and publicly apologized (how sincerely is anyone's guess). He played two more years in Boston, and was then sold to the Yankees after the 1919 season, leading to the 20th century "Curse of the Bambino" which was not broken until the Red Sox won the title in 2004.

[getsome]

Great story brat, Things sure were different back then, the Babe could smoke 3 cigars, eat 4 hot dogs and suck down half dozen beers during a game and still go out a jack one out of the park.....Reminds me of a really good, funny book I read a while back about Art Donovan called "Fatso, Football when men were men"....Art Donovan was a defensive tackle who played for the Baltimore Colts during their championship years of 1958/1959....In one story they were playing a road game against the Detroit Lions and their great quarterback Bobby Layne....Art got a free run at Layne and smacked him a good lick and while at the bottom of the pile nose to nose (no face masks back then) and Art goes, damn Bobby you stink like a distillery, are you still hung over from last night?....Bobby says hell no, I drank a pint of Johnny Walker at half time so I could play with the ribs you busted in the first half......Back then guys played with everything they had and for not very much money compared to the whiny prima donnas in the league today.....Go on YouTube and watch some clips of Art Donovan from his several visits on the Johnny Carson show and the Tonight Show with Jay Leno....Art was a very funny, down to earth guy and they broke the mold when they made him......

[AJBert]

I just watched a few episodes with Art Donovan and have to say he is definitely my kind of guy. Loved his stories of playing football back in the good ol' days.

[jeepster09]

A guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook. "

[jeepster09]

My poor dog....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3VLqLLWxbQ

[jeepster09]

The Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you sir?' she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' she asked.

The man replied, 'Ontario '.

'Really?', she said. 'I have family in Ontario.'

'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'



The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

[Bawanna]

Consider that filed in my memory bank. Good one.