Fabulous February...

[jeepster09]

Politics, defined

P-O-L-I-T-I-C-S = People Of Little Intellect Temporarily In Charge of $hit :amflag:

[jeepster09]

It's so cold....

[jeepster09]

Weather update from ground hog....

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51295849_10158302359888569_6247011871694520320_n.j pg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=9df892c45bce07cd67ba8aab41708071&oe=5CFFC6E4

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51304323_2237062599692035_1967339856178708480_n.jp g?_nc_cat=105&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=8bb44960a4cfc13910ad782963180550&oe=5CEBC02C

[jeepster09]

To funny...

[Armybrat]

Primary cause for the decline of the British Empire?

http://scontent-dfw5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51679643_10155894999400877_7568286276009328640_n.j pg?_nc_cat=104&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.xx&oh=a0196dcdba3a31ba706a78474db1921e&oe=5CF8D551

[ltxi]

Me likes this. Now thinking of buying for teenage grand daughters as "off to college" high school graduation presents. Not sure they'd be much inclined to often use them, tho.

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51819939_2195568883862310_258441685577498624_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=3f4a55903a623d4536f767be7bf7b2e6&oe=5D0161ED

[skiflydive]

Politics, defined

P-O-L-I-T-I-C-S = People Of Little Intellect Temporarily In Charge of $hit :amflag:




I thought it referred to multiple body lice...

[wyntrout]

Derived from "poly" meaning many and "ticks" meaning blood-sucking insects.

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51281503_10210713012860853_2673920581199462400_n.j pg?_nc_cat=104&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=3c255ad0b0b4135fc798d5b94eaecfb3&oe=5CF47D1E

[wyntrout]

I'm not sure about this one, but it's adult funny:

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52109850_2129126970533404_7634861202559991808_n.jp g?_nc_cat=105&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=91a09b1f347e0d7ac10993ea74b66f91&oe=5CB345A2

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51710750_10156755244850027_7472589564226306048_n.j pg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=8849b2c3aa0506edb8c01d269d12c12e&oe=5CEC52B1

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51268323_2237403996586788_6220936519650115584_n.jp g?_nc_cat=111&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=5547c990a2e52b7e384e948eb49d2727&oe=5CEF26AF

[wyntrout]

State Capitol Janitor Frank Surprised
to Find He’s Virginia’s New Governor

https://external-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQDSs5lTLi-Bz9qY&w=540&h=282&url=http%3A%2F%2Fthepeedmont.files.wordpress.com%2 F2019%2F02%2F51855799_391629968062490_918248071408 6481920_n.png%3Fw%3D1200&cfs=1&upscale=1&fallback=news_d_placeholder_publisher&_nc_hash=AQAYa2tYS3hqQVdc

[jeepster09]

Viagra
An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?

I can cut them for you said Dan the pharmacist
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.

I'm 96 years old said the old man!
I don't want an erection!
I just want enough sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers!!

[wyntrout]

Just saw this on Facebook: https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/50832936_292199514832229_5739503817146236928_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=b24b9875f2edd39d9987b793acb255f3&oe=5CE31033

[AIRret]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51819939_2195568883862310_258441685577498624_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=3f4a55903a623d4536f767be7bf7b2e6&oe=5D0161ED

That's a great one!!
The convict and I absolutely love this thread every month!

[Armybrat]

Not very pc, but here it is anyway....

http://i.redd.it/6ud1s1f1rvf21.jpg

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51798026_865254117152509_8115107862729981952_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=3e59c07fedf43fb20553b104f987143d&oe=5CF1EBB1

[getsome]

A guy is with his wife at a department store waiting on her to try on dresses, she comes out of the dressing room and asks him, does this dress make me look fat? He says honey if I tell you the truth will you promise to not be angry with me? She says yes I promise to not be angry with you if you will tell me the truth....He says ok, I bought a new Vette and I slept with your sister last weekend....

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51848086_2412857978725584_8848020658580357120_n.jp g?_nc_cat=107&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=3a0acc354d8f28e6cb89ff9d077f42af&oe=5CF4F4BB

[skiflydive]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51632646_2202244496696158_2047436568137826304_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=2feb4d152c2b3ea23ed481f011273241&oe=5CF1F368

[jeepster09]

Not very pc, but here it is anyway....

http://i.redd.it/6ud1s1f1rvf21.jpg

It is perfect on my PC....must be PC correct :=]

[jeepster09]

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights.

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl,

"That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'."

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52403854_2424438384233152_6259208556612943872_o.jp g?_nc_cat=108&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=cb69f7a51683cc6e899ebc8702e53ef6&oe=5CFDF4EC

[jeepster09]

The Pope in Idaho

The Pope went on vacation to the rugged mountains of North Idaho. He was driving along when he heard a frantic commotion at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless, long-haired, bearded, middle-aged man wearing Patagonia shorts, sandals, and an old "Vote for Obama" tee shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot, 1,200-pound grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of cowboys all wearing "Go Trump" and “America First" denim shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 Magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious man from the bear's grasp. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured man in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republicans and Democrat Party supporters, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true, and that America is truly a blessed place in which to live."

As the Pope drove off, one cowboy asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. “It’s reported that he has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the cowboy said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he don't know crap about bear hunting in Idaho. By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?"

[Wlfman13]

Shrine of the Mall Ninja

I have read this multiple times, and it still cracks me up. Every time. See how far you can read before you start laughing.

-Wlf

https://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

[Bawanna]

I do believe that fella was here and posted many years ago. I recognize some of the language.

Crazy stuff.

[leftysixty]

Shrine of the Mall Ninja

I have read this multiple times, and it still cracks me up. Every time. See how far you can read before you start laughing. https://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

-Wlf



Thanks for the memories! I had forgotten about that/those characters! Twas better than reading the Sunday Funnies :der::yo:

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51934364_2081686305280052_6780590034132140032_n.jp g?_nc_cat=108&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=b6b3f4d06a8ccb3e315f128e6997d676&oe=5CF6478A

[wyntrout]

https://assets.amuniversal.com/fc6c50e00b9a01377f1e005056a9545d

https://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2019/02/13?fbclid=IwAR1S2nEgX7FkD6zsDxvsdaa8n7YM25QYL4XpOr TFTWpho6lZAIdVjw-xE5M

[wyntrout]

A boat was docked in a tiny fishing village.
A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and... asked how long it took to catch them.
"Not very long" they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City!!! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?"
And the moral of this story is:
Know where you're going in life, you may already be there! Many times in life, money is not everything.
“Live your life before life becomes lifeless”

[dao]

I like that! The way I've always looked at it; "In a free society the amount of happiness we experience in our lives is largely a matter of perspective. If you really feel that you can’t find happiness, examine your perspective."

[getsome]

Valentine's thought of the day.......When you are first married all you need is two hearts and a diamond but after 35 years you would rather have a club and a spade....

[dustnchips]

Funny, but not funny at the same time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz0hRo-dkcI&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3JOd4EMwcMvPG-7CS08kJT9fEg1qZunRkWMxPgoDQX09hWRbG3vgm0n4c (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz0hRo-dkcI&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3JOd4EMwcMvPG-7CS08kJT9fEg1qZunRkWMxPgoDQX09hWRbG3vgm0n4c)

[Bawanna]

Jocko Sighting. No surprise here.

https://i.postimg.cc/6qnMmqRB/Jocko-1.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[jeepster09]

Swimming and a Shark
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, “Oh God! Save me!”

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, “You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?”

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can’t lie the man replies, “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?”

The Lord replies, “As you wish,” and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, “Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive…

[ltxi]

Valentine's thought of the day.......When you are first married all you need is two hearts and a diamond but after 35 years you would rather have a club and a spade....

I get the humor but it's pretty lost on us. Our 33rd Valentines day and we're still at step one. But then, you did say 35 years so perhaps we just need a little bit more time. :)

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51871623_2211723788865938_3477300776626290688_n.jp g?_nc_cat=109&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=4be9edc52681b21652ed7e0a2df35f53&oe=5CF1E642

[Armybrat]

Jocko Sighting. No surprise here.

https://i.postimg.cc/6qnMmqRB/Jocko-1.jpg (https://postimages.org/)
Well, I see 4 good reasons why he doesn’t post here these days. The man has priorities.

[Bobshouse]

Well, I see 4 good reasons why he doesn’t post here these days. The man has priorities.

I count 8.

[Bawanna]

I came up with 12 but I never was much good at cyphering.

[jeepster09]

12 is the right answer....

[AIRret]

You guys are BAD......but I'm still fond of you!!!!
Anyway....I love the jokes!

[Bawanna]

Why AIR, ain't that your twin sis on the hood of that 57?

[ltxi]

Boobs are too big.

[jeepster09]

Boobs are too big.

Better?

[jeepster09]

One for Jocko......

[Bawanna]

Boobs are too big.

Naw, I think the bikini is too small.

I do like the blue 57 though. Was always fond of the 57 Chevy.

[kenemoore]

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last, they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

[Bobshouse]

I came up with 12 but I never was much good at cyphering.

I'm talking about the beer signs on the wall, what are you talking about???

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51979968_10156777424280027_1900777960558821376_n.j pg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=4460da3c00564cdd0a6731e99b02235c&oe=5CF39A08

[ltxi]

Better?

Much! Tnank you.

[AIRret]

Why AIR, ain't that your twin sis on the hood of that 57?

Not even close......she's not holding a GUN!!!!!!

[Armybrat]

Not even close......she's not holding a GUN!!!!!!
She’s carryin’ two, as far as I can see.

[jeepster09]

Ahhh maybe Jeeps are better....:cool:

[AIRret]

Why AIR, ain't that your twin sis on the hood of that 57?

The convict said he wouldn't kick the Gal on the "57" off of his jail bed for eating crackers...........BUT he says he has ALL HE CAN HANDLE AT HOME AND THEN SOME!!

[Bawanna]

I'm not touching that and you can't make me, no way. My lips and fingers are sewn together. Mums the word from me.

[jeepster09]

Dang butterflies....

https://www.dropbox.com/s/2hdjtt9ouwa4sbm/Butterflies_Fault11.mp4?dl=0

[jeepster09]

50 dollars is 50 dollars....

[AIRret]

I'm not touching that and you can't make me, no way. My lips and fingers are sewn together. Mums the word from me.

Your a smart Man Bawanna!

[jeepster09]

Vacuum Salesman
Doris Mason, lady living in Ashville, North Carolina, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

‘Good morning, Ma’am,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in vacuum cleaners.’

‘Go away!’ said Doris brusquely. ‘I’m broke and haven’t got any money for new fangled contraptions,’ and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ‘Don’t be too hasty,’ he commanded. ‘Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.’ And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her dining room carpet.

‘Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.’

Doris stepped back and said with a smile, ‘Well let me get you a spoon, young man because Southern Electric cut off my power this morning.’

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13524296_10210253607842985_7346342802219943624_n.j pg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=3865d7ef645621a83c1aed2a7225f24d&oe=5CDA8B12
(https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10210253607842985&set=a.1757458462633&type=3&eid=ARAZdX7oUZYbTJoeEOHVbFDhmGi9fbS43EL8x8-hcI3sOY8dgN9Xum1s19fGjhqUfESyAvAvtk_ejVct)



Chris Kime (https://www.facebook.com/ckime2?__tn__=%2CdCH-R-R&eid=ARBIaHB_cpgE0qcZDNfVzjK7YpkFgxxyKHi0159i91OIfc Jx5mAI669iV2eIkhKEwGbHZKSVt8sX1E5j&hc_ref=ARQQ43g1fnEf_JCdO0fhdtpYy6dfZjkkU_UkM8rsHor 7HyFAcnfS0eWKrcKi0AvaG2s&fref=nf)Follow (https://www.facebook.com/#)June 27, 2016 · CinchShare
(https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cinchshare.com%2F%3Ffbcl id%3DIwAR3hKbAoxjG-dLCULlntJ5zZ1DQJ9IsXVaLjPJoGNXQIh-D_KrwPlAamjng&h=AT2IGFFA9xT5BoYiLhP7O-e_J_NNhDvDHnfKDgWyvWarEHsC-cNi_lwvVWSl9RkLdOoP1qUOlAnapXmnqfppcHVhtjNM_qGzK2N iVYj1QC3zAVTmpcz8-6XZVSqv824s8RHa7_MmfbRoSbOvorcq)

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt)is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one,but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!)thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold"The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN therewas no toilet paper!"Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's stillsmaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly,dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too
At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??)You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...........
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!

[kenemoore]

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!" 🎂

[dao]

^^^ Priceless

[yqtszhj]

Too funny

[swank]

hillary to Satan. "You said I'd WIN!" Satan to Hillary "You said you had a soul!"

KFC has a Hillary Special. 2 small breasts, two large thighs and a left wing.

[yqtszhj]

hillary to Satan. "You said I'd WIN!" Satan to Hillary "You said you had a soul!"

KFC has a Hillary Special. 2 small breasts, two large thighs and a left wing.

I like that one.

[GLOCKROCKER]

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
Driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'

The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.'

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.

The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo then got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'

The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'

The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'

The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.'

The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more Important than that.'

After a moment,the supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?'

The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52602576_1025605860970244_1702815667981385728_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=57a9b010898f505dc46d6bd75b5a7468&oe=5CE3839D

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52480976_1025605450970285_8152140797332946944_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=4a89970044b01bbd749d9342cec2bd2f&oe=5CF29A80

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53034452_1025510487646448_5124547449062424576_n.jp g?_nc_cat=111&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=18200d2403299c61835a6de81d220c4e&oe=5CF18193

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52562657_1025509660979864_3210592064983007232_n.jp g?_nc_cat=102&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=6349c1fb21c3a166470b58f87fd48cbe&oe=5CE18CAE

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52326970_1024814511049379_3718364732466397184_n.jp g?_nc_cat=108&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=f36232ed994db94bcacb83fda93166bd&oe=5D237E68

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52679066_1024720427725454_5132052045418725376_n.jp g?_nc_cat=108&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=7bd2924dabbc0fe60e00c3107d9b48e7&oe=5D239A25

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52401206_1023968381133992_989560241660100608_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=107&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=59cd9b8b1d765dd261b8e4a513129716&oe=5D2101CC

[AIRret]

Thanks for the laughs folk!!!

The convict's sister is seriously afraid of spiders, so her husband will love using this joke on her.

One time she almost got out of a moving car because of a spider..........;)

[jeepster09]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/www.hdforums.com-vbulletin/553x686/capture_f6cdc16452f32fe5e4fc87d16e0330c580ac8229.p ng

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52712948_10156797317360027_7961901362759860224_n.j pg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=552009110e3982789385897a57ff8b70&oe=5D267EB5

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52274890_603393063441937_914005685249769472_n.jpg? _nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=1125d4b9e40fae0df959557d0aa23a61&oe=5CDDD6ED

[ltxi]

I'm sending this one to my sister....:)

[AIRret]

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION



A husband takes his wife to her high school reunion.

After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.

There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!”

$5 says you will forward this.

[kenemoore]

^^^Nice One^^^

[Redwood]

This is my favorite forum on this site. Now I don’t want February to end! Wyntrout, where do you get all this stuff? Keep up the good work guys. I’ll chip in soon.

[Bobshouse]

This is my favorite forum on this site. Now I don’t want February to end! Wyntrout, where do you get all this stuff? Keep up the good work guys. I’ll chip in soon.

Great one......"I'll chip in soon." from Redwood... That one decked me!

[wyntrout]

Mostly from Facebook. I belong to a bunch of groups there... a lot of military/veteran groups.

[jeepster09]

Altar Boy
‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl.’

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.’

‘Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Nina Capelli?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

‘My lips are sealed.’

‘Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, ‘What’d you get?’

‘Four months’ vacation and five good leads …’

[Redwood]

Question: In San Francisco, how do you separate the men from the boys?

Answer: With a crowbar.

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53095724_2265763210371677_644091703937990656_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=8d8b79efefaa73d1d2048a491676cc74&oe=5CDF7F86

[Planedude]

I do like that one, Bader was a great fighter pilot and a real character in this life...

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53381795_10156226332415914_8104103520862470144_n.j pg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=947590b48319278fae19a001182e8724&oe=5D260DAB