March Merriness

[340pd]

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "A pint of beer please"
The bartender says "Wow, that's amazing, you should join the circus"
The dog responded, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

[kenemoore]

15936

[jeepster09]

In response......My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

[jeepster09]

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

[jeepster09]

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

[jeepster09]

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program? "

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a b!tch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

[Redwood]

I wondered if Fabulous February would have a successor and sure enough here is March Merriness - I figured March Madness was already taken.

[jeepster09]

New exercise plan....

[wyntrout]

Good start for March! :D

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53271388_10218840576429233_1556076770283749376_n.j pg?_nc_cat=103&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=b3715b4bbd4ddef49f3f9cd7d102ff3b&oe=5D17DB35

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52653723_380472832534912_8756757774680981504_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=09df1bf1a12a6547558dbd261ee293d9&oe=5CE465B8

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52173618_377972222784973_2350567663308111872_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=100&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=414adbbb75388be557c3c6496c431586&oe=5D16F09A

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/51513462_374685556446973_8420335262717968384_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=103&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=98b9180d6cb3a985b6d7b1ac38a1fb1a&oe=5D1EEBD4

[GROTMAN]

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

[ltxi]

I wondered if Fabulous February would have a successor and sure enough here is March Merriness - I figured March Madness was already taken.

Monthly, always....it's a years long tradition.

[jeepster09]

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

[jeepster09]

SILLY SIGN....:rolleyes:

[wyntrout]

Ha! Beat you with that one yesterday! :D

[Bobshouse]

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a large size box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

“Nope, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”

“But, you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But, the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an “I-told-you-so” said he was sorry the dog died, but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”

“Well," the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh? What was it then?”

“I think it was the spin cycle!”

[berettabone]

You can sure tell when your getting old. Same jokes every month.

[Armybrat]

You can sure tell when your getting old. Same jokes every month.
Yeah, but with my dementia they are all new to me.
Same with the wife - it’s like I get to sleep with a new woman every night. ;)

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52746950_2232466860172512_5837933674317742080_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=c3684717d8227d56c78a3d417ef77b85&oe=5D13643F

[jeepster09]

...

[jeepster09]

...

[jeepster09]

Ha! Beat you with that one yesterday! :D


ooops i'm losing it. I really liked that one.:blushing:

[OldLincoln]

Haven't seen this one for awhile.

Jacques Chirac, the French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.


"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"


"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "Theez eez indeed important news! How big is your army?"


"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there's meself, me cousin Sean, me next-door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"


Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."


"Begorrah!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."


Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"


"And what equipment would zat be, Paddy?" asks Chirac.


"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."


Chirac sighs, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."


"Saints preserve us!" exclaims Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."


Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"


Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"


"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."


Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."


"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"


"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners".

[kenemoore]

A 76-year-old Navy vet is having a drink in a bar. Suddenly a gorgeous woman enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition."
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts ten - $10 bills in her outstretched hand.
He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older.

[GLOCKROCKER]

A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.
The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.
As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.
Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.
Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"
"No," he stammers, "But it's quivering' a little."

[kenemoore]

Your DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

[wyntrout]

I had to change this a bit, but still funny!

[Armybrat]

http://www.tapatalk.com/groups/vegasexperts/download/file.php?id=3588

[wyntrout]

Altered for Armybrat using MS Paint:

[AJBert]

I saw this a few weeks ago on a Jeep down in town. I'm not exactly sure the purpose of it as I didn't see the owner of the Jeep, but I told my wife that I'm going to get as a warning to her to keep on the straight and narrow.
15944
Hopefully the picture shows up!

[AJBert]

First, I couldn't post a single picture and now three of them pop up?!? I'm better at posting than I thought!

[Bawanna]

I could have a lot of fun with that till the wife beat me into a coma with the gear shift handle.

[getsome]

In honor of International Woman's Day March 8th

What do you call a woman with both PMS and ESP?

A B!tch who knows everything you will ever do wrong as long as you live.


Why did God create man first?

He didn't need a bunch of lip about how he was doing it all wrong.


What do you call a woman who has everything?

Your ex.

[Redwood]

Two gay guys are standing on a corner watching people pass by when a beautiful woman strolls past them. “Wow, one guy says to the other. I know I’m gay, but sometimes when I see a girl like that I think I wouldn’t mind being a lesbian.”

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/10409073_883687505014745_4659294431422615627_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=bfaf8c4bf5c4d2d93b0afd3cbd244a42&oe=5CDB7B14

A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’.

In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner -- it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn’t getting enough work done.

Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do. "Homer,” said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you’re in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene’s signal to come out to you. Then you won’t lose any field time.”

They tried Doc’s advice and it worked well for a while. But then Homer went back to the doctor’s office.

"What’s wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn’t my idea work?”

"Oh, it worked real well," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene’d come runnin’. We’d find a secluded place, make love, and then she’d go back home again."

"Good, Homer. So what’s the problem?" asked the Doc.

"I ain’t seen her since huntin’ season started!"





2 (https://www.facebook.com/ufi/reaction/profile/browser/?ft_ent_identifier=ZmVlZGJhY2s6MTAyMTE4MDA1Nzg2NDQ 2ODg%3D&av=100001729764312)

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/54155042_2120406258044445_8595734344037826560_n.jp g?_nc_cat=111&_nc_eui2=AeGdyQwbXe3lmi4xLCOTi9C3kkaM1MoNCZ1fEtc49 Hulz1eG3SPtEkGOZwkNVyIpkQpSnmSmx-Vf6kSe6haWb5dWITf8Akb5njQT3T4vkA803g&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=b726dc236b274c6aad1482d7c3439740&oe=5D1C4CB1

[wyntrout]

I'm a fan of my Marine Brothers!

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53389226_10214111088319928_2215167320358125568_n.j pg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_eui2=AeGx246uQcrHaCtC78oPnJsFD9axkSevfCtu5Nl3W 3pEMV2HFUd6cny_Q2ipDfiZun4WDkLf9DaZ1ADEZfT7htvni8i zhxyalWymOMBxjV6fMA&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=78aa7f31177321bdcabe4198ed7a4cf6&oe=5D145D64

[wyntrout]

I see a LOT of doctors these days!

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53289800_793721294320388_177256474286751744_n.jpg? _nc_cat=103&_nc_eui2=AeHBVRCLrceTIfC6CMVu5Y3OFglrm3YeWm2a2Ui8S PwkiHZqkY-datpMJ2iDuAJTC1WZtxGvrdpVA8xhK-FWuJ0wMVBSwCEymlMTHp-uaauryw&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=c33102ea79c44f18ffca27f707507b90&oe=5D10AB12

[ltxi]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/10409073_883687505014745_4659294431422615627_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=bfaf8c4bf5c4d2d93b0afd3cbd244a42&oe=5CDB7B14



Sadly....boobs are too big.

[getsome]

How did I know we would be hearing from you!....She's PERFECT!!!

[Bawanna]

Yeah I gotta go with perfect on this one too. I think it's the hat, probably nice to talk to.

[wyntrout]

She's a COWgirl! :D

[jeepster09]

.....

[dustnchips]

I always fall for a woman in a hat. Any hat.

[Redwood]

http://www.kahrtalk.com/blob:http://www.kahrtalk.com/d5762e38-734b-452f-ad7f-dd9e750f6be0

[Armybrat]

http://www.tapatalk.com/groups/vegasexperts/download/file.php?id=3594&t=1

[ltxi]

How did I know we would be hearing from you!....She's PERFECT!!!

Well, the gun does help some.

[wyntrout]

Udderly overendowed. :)

[jeepster09]

Look at the nice hat.....

[Toast]

yep

[Bobshouse]

Udderly overendowed. :)

That's what they used to say about me, called me tripod back in high school.

[tokuno]

Ha ha! Wyntrout, last month I messaged a copy (without the answer filled in) to my son (active duty Marine), thinking I'd get a dismissive expletive in response.
Instead, he messaged back this:
"It's a trick question. True Marines eat the crayon"


I'm a fan of my Marine Brothers!

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53389226_10214111088319928_2215167320358125568_n.j pg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_eui2=AeGx246uQcrHaCtC78oPnJsFD9axkSevfCtu5Nl3W 3pEMV2HFUd6cny_Q2ipDfiZun4WDkLf9DaZ1ADEZfT7htvni8i zhxyalWymOMBxjV6fMA&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=78aa7f31177321bdcabe4198ed7a4cf6&oe=5D145D64

[ltxi]

Look at the nice hat.....

I hate to be repetitious but........

[kenemoore]

My wife was dying. I was by her bedside when she said in a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh"....I said, "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in piece" she said, "I had sex with your brother, your buddy Bill, and a co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you...now close your eyes."

[jeepster09]

Horse got new halter....how does it look?

[skiflydive]

Oh...Yeah...there is a horse there.

[Bobshouse]

Oh...Yeah...there is a horse there.

and the look on his face....priceless!

[ltxi]

Way, way too big!

[GROTMAN]

HERE'S A PIC TO SATISFY MOST OF YOU AND ITXI AS WELL :rolleyes:

Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.

https://memesbams.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/true-weird-boob-pictures.jpg

[kenemoore]

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam, on the highway outside Washington D.C.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the Window.
The driver rolls down the window and ask, "What's going on?"
"Terrorist have kidnapped the entire U.S. Congress, and they are asking for 100 million dollars in ransom,
otherwise they are going to douse them in gasoline and set them on fire."
We are going from car to car collecting donations.
The driver asked, " What is the average donation?"
The man replied, "Roughly about a gallon each."

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53557084_2205912416133135_3579036092168404992_n.jp g?_nc_cat=111&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=d6e76bddc0225338fc695aacf8a1eeec&oe=5D2151AD

[jeepster09]

...

[dirtkicker]

> In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his

> wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who

> ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just

> heard about one of your students?"

> "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you

> to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

> "Test of Three?"

> "That's correct," Socrates continued.

> "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test

> what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made

> absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

> "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

> "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or

> not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you

> are about to tell me about my student something good?"

> "No, on the contrary."

> "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him

> even though you're not certain it's true?"

> The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

> Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a

> third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me

> about my student going to be useful to me?"

> "No, not really."

> "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither

> True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

> The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

> This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such
high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato
was banging his wife.

[dirtkicker]

one more.......





My wife's friend was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the weaving drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition since she indeed had never found Mr. Right. She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status..

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said , 'Yes you are correct . But how on earth did you know that?'


The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly. '

[kenemoore]

one more.......





My wife's friend was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the weaving drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition since she indeed had never found Mr. Right. She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status..

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said , 'Yes you are correct . But how on earth did you know that?'


The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly. '






Blew my coffee on that one... Good job!

[wyntrout]

https://www.facebook.com/jordan.bardouski/videos/2353247008020309/

[wyntrout]

:eek:

For those who need Zero turn and ZERO tolerance options in their lives...
#getoffmylawn (https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/getoffmylawn?epa=HASHTAG&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARCyG6v3rSUO7vwxDuPM8sURHvVo8r2_ IbSn9MROdwZHCjpNa_GJpMdiE8X5pdXhHdCufgQHZCnUExQAbb pD1pCHCVtpAhCywz0wpA6vJVnTc__aPB3vI3-xLx7ci1heUbZcN7yKWJ-bTJa89IljrX9Zi4ikMvBexVCaaIp3kw2NvOPN9PIiTaI_ZVgoD v9CmJQkq9W5IR0PvRZsqlKzFGaevJsR948yrc4BgpOHdvrBmg&__tn__=%2ANK%2AF)



https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53930182_10217354209903667_2339898620947464192_n.j pg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=6aea524e011369f51592d7b245582b17&oe=5D027371

[wyntrout]

Get your eye bleach out!

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53192456_566188903884248_4594885686913400832_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=27e30b02a933972a19466bf6720e351c&oe=5D0AA314

[wyntrout]

https://www.facebook.com/371774349697217/videos/299271127447869/

[Bawanna]

:eek:

For those who need Zero turn and ZERO tolerance options in their lives...
#getoffmylawn (https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/getoffmylawn?epa=HASHTAG&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARCyG6v3rSUO7vwxDuPM8sURHvVo8r2_ IbSn9MROdwZHCjpNa_GJpMdiE8X5pdXhHdCufgQHZCnUExQAbb pD1pCHCVtpAhCywz0wpA6vJVnTc__aPB3vI3-xLx7ci1heUbZcN7yKWJ-bTJa89IljrX9Zi4ikMvBexVCaaIp3kw2NvOPN9PIiTaI_ZVgoD v9CmJQkq9W5IR0PvRZsqlKzFGaevJsR948yrc4BgpOHdvrBmg&__tn__=%2ANK%2AF)



https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/53930182_10217354209903667_2339898620947464192_n.j pg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=6aea524e011369f51592d7b245582b17&oe=5D027371

Damn! I want that sooooooo bad. Neighbors already wonder about me some, that would really make an impact. I have the zero turn, just need to add accessories. Love the wheels even. Sweet.

[ESAFO]

15968

15969

[AJBert]

As an LSU fan, I approve of the above post!

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/54049608_1583798638420049_6419217533160652800_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=d08474b052538ec95ea49157a820e9d7&oe=5D0FE183

[jeepster09]

My baby
A mother is looking at her toddler child one day and notices that she looks nothing like her or her husband. In fact she shares no traits at all with either her or her husbands family. The woman brings her concerns to her husband and tells him her concerns that she thinks that the child was switched at birth. The husband says, "don't you remember?"
"Remember what?" the woman says.
" The day we brought her home she soiled herself as soon as we got out of the hospital. You told me to change her."
"Okay" says the woman
"I went back inside and got a clean one to bring home"

[340pd]

My friend

Bubba

was

driving down a back
road in South Carolina
..

A sign in front of a restaurant

reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL

Lobster Tail and Beer

"Lordy mercy!"
he says to himself, "Them's my three favorites!"

[ESAFO]

15979

[Bawanna]

Don't recollect if I posted this or not. From Jocko of course.

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said,
"I feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile.

"Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with the Harley, I guess!"

[Bobshouse]

One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the woman crying and asks her what happened.

The blonde said that her mother had passed away.

The neighbor made her some coffee, calmed her down a little and then left.

The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the woman crying again.

She asked her why she was crying this time.

The blonde said, “I just got off of the phone with my sister. Her mother died too!”

[jeepster09]

Sounds like my wife.....[ sorry dear if you see this].

[jeepster09]

Met a pretty girl at a party the other night.

I told her she reminds me of my little toe.

"small and petite?" she asked.

I said "No, because I'll probably bang you on the table later when Im drunk...."

[kenemoore]

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.
The three men had always done everything together!!!!!
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.
Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”
“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!”

[AIRret]

This is what all of us 70+ year olds and those yet-to-be, have
to look forward to!!

This happened at a local assisted living center. The
people who lived there had small apartments but they all ate
at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents
didn't show up for breakfast so the Nurses Aide went
upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK.
She could hear him through the door and he said that he was
running late and would be down shortly, so she went back to the
dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up
towards his room but found him on the stairs. He was coming
down the stairs but was having a difficult time. He had a
death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble
getting his legs to work right.

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her
no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his
breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the
stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to
get up even the first stair step so they called an ambulance
for him.

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he
was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of
his legs in one side of his boxer shorts.

I am sending this to my children so that they don't sell
the house before they know all the facts.

[Bawanna]

Oh heck, I've done that. Didn't effect my walking though. Wife just asked me how long I'd had a pair of shoes I was wearing, figured probably 15 years, soles last a long time too, no wear at all.

[Bobshouse]

LOL...we had a regular ol'timer come into the club one day who was all bruised up. He sat down at the counter and told me the two legs in one pant leg story...went over like an old oak tree he said. :)

[Bobshouse]

A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!

[ltxi]

This, with her name inserted, will be going to my blonde sister. :)

[Bobshouse]

https://www.marlinowners.com/forum/attachments/joke-forum-if-you-can-t-roll-punches-stay-out-here/751623d1553641201t-trumpster-54523171_569685466768406_2111158502532579328_o.jpg

[Armybrat]

http://www.texasguntalk.com/attachments/7fcwzma-jpg.166731/

[Bobshouse]

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center.

Her arms were laden with a mop, broom and other cleaning supplies.

By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, “Well, I’ll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!”

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” replied the clerk. “With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you’ll be home in no time.”

[AIRret]

Tooooooo FUNNY! Thanks

[wyntrout]

Not about my wife, but funny! :D

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/56391623_2427638937255319_6457245306743422976_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=2435a1b60b6bf81bace72039df9ebbbe&oe=5D1120A5

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/55541944_2410992492257836_4579628193551482880_n.jp g?_nc_cat=102&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=fea4b479291d013d122d1fadf5363343&oe=5D01AA0E

[Bawanna]

Oh! Help me back in the chair, ya got me with that one.......................................

[wyntrout]

Maybe this could go under other guns, but it's funny:


https://youtu.be/bmmEf6WrOkI

[Bobshouse]

The really funny thing is Hi Point is considered a "Saturday night special" but passed the drop test and made it on the California approved roster!

[AJBert]

I have to say, a HiPoint feels better in my hands than any Glock! And that feller has a way of getting his point across.

[ltxi]

One thing I have to concede to Hi Point pistols is.....they work! And that certainly counts for a lot. Personally, tho, I do not nor would not own one.

[kenemoore]

I do not own one, but the Carbines are popular among my coworkers. One guy had an unknown squib and fired another round. He reloads and was running some "hot" rounds, next round after the squib split the barrel. He sent it back and they repaired it, for free. He was surprised, did not think they would cover his screw ups.

[OldLincoln]

Thing I see is it's a $150 gun that's reliable that you can afford to loose. Buy it, toss into your truck, don't worry about scratches or dings. When you need it it will be handy, not wrapped in silk, and ready to go. Think of it as a mean junk yard dog not a poodle. Google the gun and watch an episode of something distructables. Did everything but set on the tracks for a train to run it over. The gun won.

[kenemoore]

I read something, somewhere, it had a photo. A maintenance man at an office building, took a .45ACP Hi-Point and dressed it up to look like a portable drill. Had 18Volt stickers on it, painted yellow, like a Dewalt tool. He carried it on his tool belt, and no one ever noticed he was armed.

[wyntrout]

I've always thought that it could pass for a small anvil.

I saw someone carrying around a Hi-Point bullpup at the last gun show. I'm not sure what caliber it was. It looked a little better than some of the carbines, but still had some of those "cheap-looking" nuts and screws.

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/56215488_2490269224317792_4899445374105681920_n.jp g?_nc_cat=102&_nc_eui2=AeHMceTaYFjzNMGWG8zP2qyuQfH8RkgwK6XhPwnX8 8SVt0D9KSxL34ZPie1Le3of01slUtICVOi-eAYVX73jY6hqb-mfZElQjqf0KUBIlRXxEA&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=3fb89ff72bde14a6ed8a312aaec68bba&oe=5D3A92DE

[ltxi]

Thing I see is it's a $150 gun that's reliable that you can afford to loose. Buy it, toss into your truck, don't worry about scratches or dings. When you need it it will be handy, not wrapped in silk, and ready to go. Think of it as a mean junk yard dog not a poodle. Google the gun and watch an episode of something distructables. Did everything but set on the tracks for a train to run it over. The gun won.

That's what my .40 cal Glocks are for.

[jeepster09]

I read something, somewhere, it had a photo. A maintenance man at an office building, took a .45ACP Hi-Point and dressed it up to look like a portable drill. Had 18Volt stickers on it, painted yellow, like a Dewalt tool. He carried it on his tool belt, and no one ever noticed he was armed.


Kinda like this?

[Redwood]

One thing I have to concede to Hi Point pistols is.....they work

That’s the truth! I DO own one. I only wish my Kahr was that reliable. But the other points he made were also true.... lousy trigger and unbalanced but I love the bugger. The Mountain Dew white trash shirt and Appalachian problem solver are funny.