May I......

[jeepster09]

You REEEEEALLY Need To Understand Women....
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ...

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

[JohnR]

I'm pretty sure we aren't supposed to understand them.

[yqtszhj]

How about when they tell you a 30 minute story that doesn’t really interest you (but you pay attention anyway), they paused for a breath, you say something in response then they tell you “you didn’t let me finish” or “you’re not listening” or “I don’t want an opinion, you just need to listen”... sigh..... :confused:

Anyone else know that feeling? Chime in.

[dao]

26,000 words guys. That's the average they need to get out in order to feel like they had a good day. Or so I'm told....

[340pd]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTE1tvjR3Rc

[skiflydive]

For all you skiers....

Ski Mountains (https://www.facebook.com/stanleighco/videos/1018303701518913/UzpfSTEyNjY5MjUzNjY6MTAyMTQxMDQ4NjY0MzY4MDI/)

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/1656181_10152090629338884_49879380_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1 11&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=c63d5fcc9ad71a0f2337f513ff4defec&oe=5D6263EC

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/58864961_2531709510225645_3439704230644940800_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_eui2=AeGEmlfWrcv_g9fAHCtCNE1akc-awaWE1B4Txn590X6e6C_27hoD6GM_ohrYRuS7yXvhAuPUiIYnM pRzXD__NHdkgOtdQnzNDlP1h0rjfM2ySw&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=51e25a09818030c41d45dd20b1c9d529&oe=5D5DDB2F

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/59253085_10215591274269208_6405920408901517312_n.j pg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=fcecd7961f2568358f07d65f3834ed17&oe=5D69086F

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/59784924_2773073279386425_8386556053604532224_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ht=scontent-atl3-1.xx&oh=7aa1aa9179247d1c87a61c7c0f26b79a&oe=5D739B3E

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/59987420_10214399907575929_3409356842134929408_n.j pg?_nc_cat=103&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-1.xx&oh=66afe05d0c18bc22dfa4cac00694d3c2&oe=5D2AB877

[jeepster09]

Lawyers in Heaven
A New York divorce lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asks him, “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”

The Lawyer thought a moment then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.”

The Lawyer said, “Wait, wait! There’s more! I also gave a quarter to a homeless person three years ago.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”

Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”

[jeepster09]

Shopping Trip
A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat food to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food. . . .One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box, quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap." . . . The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

[Ed M]

16075

[Armybrat]

Outstanding! :D

[Ed M]

16078

[dao]

Nice :yo:

[Ken L]

When you're dead, you don't know you're dead. The pain is only felt by others.

The same things happens when you're stupid.