Nuttin' funny in September?

[wyntrout]

I just saw this. I had to share it. Looks kind of typical for male behavior...? :D

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/69967416_2713077832058953_670585188228530176_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_oc=AQlW-q0wCL98D_udDDCkQeQWqErwwkcDNst9pLyE_COZprtEcwlzZnf fJ_YWSo1La94&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=43adc5011fb40b89096027c25f313161&oe=5E009439http://www.kahrtalk.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=7990&stc=1&d=1363707220

[jeepster09]

Good one :)

[jeepster09]

My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.

I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Chun Yu Yan” over and over – and then died.....:confused:


I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube.”

[getsome]

Well you want funny I'll give you funny.... I have to have a colonoscopy tomorrow, I'm doing the prep tonight...go ahead, laugh it up y'all, it's all on me.... Haaaaaa ha.....Oh God, I'll be back.....Oh Jesus...

[Bawanna]

Nothing funny about that getsome. I've had to do it a couple time, not much fun at all. And on Friday the 13th to boot, well maybe that is funny.

But I'm not laughing neither. I got a doc appointment myself tomorrow, Friday the 13th. Got a blown shoulder, possible hernia and still sorting out a stomach issue. Now that ain't funny neither but heck we'll laugh anyhow.

I've asked them to supply me with some of what they call the I don't care drug they give you so you wake up and don't even remember being violated.

Thought that would be nice at work when your feeling blue. Course I don't care with or without the drug so guess it might not help all that much.

[wyntrout]

I'm due for my 4th one now... been waiting a while since my radiation treatments for prostate cancer ended April 12... 5 days a week for 9 weeks!

Wifey swears no more colonoscopies. She did the preparation and WENT TO BED and ASLEEP. I had to clean up the mess.

I know to spend the night on the throne as long as necessary.

Yeah... lots of FUN! :D

I hope that it goes well for you... no problems... and everything comes out okay. :D

Oh, yeah... the drugs... the best part when they put those into the IV and I get that nice warm feeling before waking up in recovery, re-united with Wifey. :D

[skiflydive]

Now THIS makes colonoscopies funny... mhttps://medicalschoolhq.net/forums/topic/colonoscopy-journal-funny/ (https://medicalschoolhq.net/forums/topic/colonoscopy-journal-funny/)

[wyntrout]

Here's Dave's whole article in .pdf form: https://www.gastronj.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Dave-Barrys-Colonoscopy.pdf

I still had tears in my eyes, even though I had read this years ago. :D

[340pd]

16252

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/70045409_813167782410858_6198229998218772480_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=100&_nc_eui2=AeHbKLEntj0me1R4l32y7BYWb5ydyawkuQDtl91hP QSmybCph6qBaU00ezC7bZE0VcN07sXmphG3aglEX_9q5vBp2j8 I60Tn6NdZBDNnjtcCjQ&_nc_oc=AQmk-RaRxaZ34MlIREft3aeMqQAc6873mTif8Giq5dPsLYBnllBJWqg JANQfvcIh5ro&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=6e1c90f4ee0dbf29886f49e26defe2cd&oe=5E0B3689

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/69790677_726043807841364_3910624644209573888_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=100&_nc_eui2=AeH-YIJdLHWN5ZuqoW3SZNtRF3TgZGKSOf61tLEjoE3GSn_tk0l4Lw eoDhftu20cBJe7U9ATvRyVIr_2zcP_37YDSHTZpjm-jUUJnYNdEQnEaQ&_nc_oc=AQnV6e4YDqkEfHvQ4LANMyt_y3JXlTtqOG3MqYKpLUI nHTxXxHj8uCyvYzjjtA6uSP4&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=2356eda6505eded356f5129885ae1ce8&oe=5E0DE0FB

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/70508068_3017700768257007_5643239877622366208_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_eui2=AeFvP-t329aGPt41SoxK_cvj-qf2NE9404MtArc51khItIrBL6llcgFVMk8bP0SCsrO4YILKl60 OhVrsfLfFdnmpgAQzV5jNZV_BQiscueLmuw&_nc_oc=AQlZR8wmPruFlhKg_R_ihBjk1R3NwlT9CZj2aY3lSIZ 0fgiqo2Mfs_LSQUDkfUbgtOI&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=3b21b1ce8af695f35030e90a3ef188dc&oe=5E06CF96

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/70526772_3017254764968274_4977114381570539520_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_eui2=AeEt3RBRn2aMZqCVcpwk8gEboAs4zja3xbi7QY3Xd 1daRogWIMgaUtdyhx2ZD-n18AYPywJWG3Rj0ClAqqgC_sUUKocpt4mC9r720X5B2PP47A&_nc_oc=AQnU2iOkFxeycZwavSaQHvG-isMS3m3w4MLswgvMtf_Av7QEpOgEH-zCOzvvm3lsmYE&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=809183c5ca25237f9712881fac20e649&oe=5E04D75E

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/70502770_3012814385412312_6407755450858602496_n.jp g?_nc_cat=111&_nc_eui2=AeGJXbOzmK9zfuyPYkvPxlrEYvEjnRfnmgSgCtGMA yFP7YSplBWA1XoxshZc_qb90bxTZ0EXqTzug-xUhSxa7XP7OUUVrMOOC6170IAhVx27pQ&_nc_oc=AQkkeuGZUqE6ReQJ4bVhLK0aDGM8DcrGEc4Lzd9z2M_ PfZUJsuEw6n4Z0w_qQ5EafRQ&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=bec2c37d2d3eb329080aa19a7f82dada&oe=5E0781AC

[wyntrout]

OMG, but this made me laugh!

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/70148342_3007427989284285_5663401407592529920_n.jp g?_nc_cat=109&_nc_eui2=AeGTxOZG6OsS8iiSZUdJeIWgCJ42URspNHLmLIvnB zrXN9DvkrJv6Tv9G6Mj9pbg8jN0y775nugXEXna6Y7RFjBREcM JPlrDEVHUGTQCwNlFDw&_nc_oc=AQlxp4FgFHdRuO9IgcnBVTakmrVT7cWF1yfzKYoe0o_ q1UPaYKHN5PN79WrmytAiMCE&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=ee6ff03f8e3c3ca2895817ee25095de7&oe=5E3D0ADC

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/69335523_2984948784865539_7518268663133110272_n.jp g?_nc_cat=111&_nc_eui2=AeH_OAgcSwBfym0K3as_YJJwhc2oEo4WV2hxtBvu_ t_wkGyJ3eb8iEh2WLH9c7dEEnrynmaVi61dmq_aIQ-2SM9u085emWgBb4L06e1dKX_mJg&_nc_oc=AQmQO7E2hZ0iDU2zTxPoWrOoMzBpaExcca7bMLrURqx DbFv_ixGsxyr1P56xjTBv8KM&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=04ca85a4464e77f63e97f73539f6382e&oe=5E0B054F

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee . . .

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for a position in United States Congress . . . Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

[Bawanna]

And that's the truth and nothing but the truth right there.

[AIRret]

Nothing funny about that getsome. I've had to do it a couple time, not much fun at all. And on Friday the 13th to boot, well maybe that is funny.

But I'm not laughing neither. I got a doc appointment myself tomorrow, Friday the 13th. Got a blown shoulder, possible hernia and still sorting out a stomach issue. Now that ain't funny neither but heck we'll laugh anyhow.



I've asked them to supply me with some of what they call the I don't care drug they give you so you wake up and don't even remember being violated.

Thought that would be nice at work when your feeling blue. Course I don't care with or without the drug so guess it might not help all that much.

Heck the VA doesn't knock you out for a colonoscopy!!!! They just put something to relax you in the IV!

Good HEALTH to everyone!

[Bawanna]

I think it's the same stuff, they say your not out, apparently they can talk to you and you'll answer but I sure don't remember any conversation or anything else for that matter.

[wyntrout]

My first one was at the JAX Navy Hospital and I wasn't out completely. The doctor(s) talked to me through the procedure and discussed the video as the "probe" progressed into my most private inner spaces. I even got several copies of the pictures they took along the way.

I think I was in and out a bit.

The two civilian doctors and hospitals for the next two put the happy juice in my IV... my favorite part... good stuff... nappy time. Then I awaken in a recovery area with my wife. The procedure leaves you a "little gassy", too. :D

[dao]

The worst part when they don't put you out is when they show you that big black coil of hose that's attached to the "probe"... Well that, and the complete lack of dignity that is part and parcel of the procedure. Wanna get away?

[OldLincoln]

My father, a long time- long haul truck driver got colon cancer and had a section cut out. Fine for him, but with a family history, my docs insisted I have the scope annually for 10 years, then every 5th year. Last was at 70 and in all those years never once saw even the start of a pop-up. Told the doc on my first one I don't want to remember being here. He and all that came later listened. Now days they have a small soda pop sized drink for flush, but starting out it was a 1 gallon of stuff, with another to rinse. Said to start it at 5pm but I learned to start at noon the day before. When asked they said absolutely no booze. I figured I'd have to tie my butt down if I boozed up. So I'm done with that Tom foolery. For the OP that started this part, hope every thing worked out ok.

[getsome]

Well as Paul Harvey used to say, here's the rest of the story...First off, who ever invented the poopajuice needs to die a horrible death, there just has to be a better way...My appointment was for 9:00am so I had to be there at 7:30am and the directions said to drink half a gallon the night before and get up at 3:00am and drink the rest and I thought about that for about 4 seconds and said naaaaaaaaa lets get this over with and sucked down the whole thing as fast as I could and believe me about 20 minutes later it worked as advertised....I have never been a huge Elton John fan but I had the song "Rocket Man" stuck in my head for most of the night until it finally slowed down some....

Got through the rest of the night getting up every half hour going back to my second home and made it to my appointment on time and I have to say they were great and made it as painless as possible...Got the IV in and remember hearing the drug was going in and that's all she wrote, good night Irene, didn't feel a thing, woke up, asked if I could get a take out 12 pack of that stuff but no go on that deal....Wife was there when the doc came in and said the wonderful prep I did didn't work good enough and I would have to do the whole thing over again....NOT what I wanted to hear!!!, I guess directions are important.....Wife was laughing her A off saying, I've been telling you for years you were full of Ka Ka and now we know I was right.....Lucky for her I still had tubes and wires in me or I would have gone all Ralph Kramden and it would have been "Bang zoom over the moon Alice" for her!!!....

Oh well, gotta do it all over again in a couple weeks but this time I got a new plan, going to add a can of Gumout fuel injection cleaner to the gallon of sewer slop to give it a boost...Who knows, could help things move along a little better and it sure will improve the taste!!!

[Bawanna]

Hmm, I never had to drink anymore of the stuff in the morning, just the gallon jug the night before. I would have cried if I had to do it all over again, and you can cry if you want, I'll cry with you.

Being in a wheelchair, I just spend the evening on the throne, too tough and slow to mount and dismount from the chair.

[Armybrat]

Well Colonel, that would be a good time to read “War and Peace”.

[Bobshouse]

Well Colonel, that would be a good time to read “War and Peace”.

Yeah, sound effects will be provided by the reader.:amflag:

[wyntrout]

OMG! I just saw this in Military Humor on Facebook! With all of the home renovations and people doing their own, this is really funny!

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/70648806_2945750782120370_5352407721951887360_n.jp g?_nc_cat=104&_nc_eui2=AeGwMTWMG01RyZWICtLVNWiQrlIkSI6fFi1-eWejqc1KYEpJWG9PpsMJvLyDnRtsaogo_Vblup9Pkr8ddWzb17 0a83Fao-oAJv7v0y0AnnlMVw&_nc_oc=AQlQ7Hqf9dQTDM3hS-61U8C8IFIRSccRM2i5CipTIRY5ECSgD7PMA4h0JeRblKSVSuw&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=1c2d7e492239f601020161c120f5489b&oe=5E0A9015

[berettabone]

Well as Paul Harvey used to say, here's the rest of the story...First off, who ever invented the poopajuice needs to die a horrible death, there just has to be a better way...My appointment was for 9:00am so I had to be there at 7:30am and the directions said to drink half a gallon the night before and get up at 3:00am and drink the rest and I thought about that for about 4 seconds and said naaaaaaaaa lets get this over with and sucked down the whole thing as fast as I could and believe me about 20 minutes later it worked as advertised....I have never been a huge Elton John fan but I had the song "Rocket Man" stuck in my head for most of the night until it finally slowed down some....

Got through the rest of the night getting up every half hour going back to my second home and made it to my appointment on time and I have to say they were great and made it as painless as possible...Got the IV in and remember hearing the drug was going in and that's all she wrote, good night Irene, didn't feel a thing, woke up, asked if I could get a take out 12 pack of that stuff but no go on that deal....Wife was there when the doc came in and said the wonderful prep I did didn't work good enough and I would have to do the whole thing over again....NOT what I wanted to hear!!!, I guess directions are important.....Wife was laughing her A off saying, I've been telling you for years you were full of Ka Ka and now we know I was right.....Lucky for her I still had tubes and wires in me or I would have gone all Ralph Kramden and it would have been "Bang zoom over the moon Alice" for her!!!....

Oh well, gotta do it all over again in a couple weeks but this time I got a new plan, going to add a can of Gumout fuel injection cleaner to the gallon of sewer slop to give it a boost...Who knows, could help things move along a little better and it sure will improve the taste!!!
I was with the wifey when she got hers. Told her the same thing. Same thing with the gallon jug of s#itwater. She was livid when she found out that they have a bottle of stuff that's the size of a cough syrup bottle to take, to get the same result instead of trying to choke down a gallon of polyethylene glycol. I'll never get the chance to experience one myself. I refuse, period. If I get the call to leave this earth, so be it. Everyone is going to die from something. Everyone has polyps. They say that they can become cancerous. So can a hangnail. All doctor's can do is just guess and prescribe pills. As far as saving your life, not so much. It's a moneymaker for clinics and hospitals. Sorry, I have a dim view of the medical profession these days. Lot's of unnecessary tests and procedures to make money for the clinics or hospitals that employ them. The wifey got a stomach bug a while back. What was needed was for them to get a sample, and actually, the sample told them everything they needed to know. So, sample and office visit. $900 later, with a bunch of unnecessary tests, they prescribed some anti biotics...…………………………....

[deadeye]

Had mine 2 years ago. They punctured my colon. After surgery spent 7 days in the hospital flat on my back with a stomach pump hose down my nose. Didn't find any colon problems. Ask me if I'll ever have another "proceedure". Good luck!

[wyntrout]

*** Warning! ***



Get your eye bleach ready!




Might be Cowboys' biggest fan!




This accompanied the post on Facebook:







Due to budget cuts, Dallas will only have one super size cheerleader this year.


























Nice footgear, too, but not for HER dancing!

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/11933447_906567546098062_9122541829612682372_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=1&_nc_eui2=AeHDHYVCQJAuJ8kjPYIYjbw6T98xJc646O4rvTf2w 3DoV0sT7NtbeNBB-VDVA8YtFMdqOiNyNJQ9AEnDzpqDkWqeSCB1uT1Nq7OaDTs2Q3l 0ag&_nc_oc=AQnbHp9pUAhprvnttuyTrLb_nszuey7jpYjuTB2DUeu Z06tFGk7fFWW6GjGkX76lCIY&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=87b1d6ef8665935d1896029c76a2cfa9&oe=5DF98767

[Bobshouse]

One for you.

16254

[jeepster09]

Did you know......

[wyntrout]

Funny.


https://external-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQCZRYRzUxuYwNAu&url=https%3A%2F%2Fforgifs.com%2Fgallery%2Fd%2F2801 99-2%2FPlayground-launch.gif&ext=gif&_nc_eui2=AeH1W_B9mYHVoKbFpg5nLRDSaruvQIx2WZzLFVdCu tCIjn9pvEGNdYc-ZX7GPg5cBnnB4W55Z7LurUqC7OFS6yb4_ROXpIdUWPQNWzOKLI gbqg&_nc_hash=AQB3ZK3EDSZ9ov5f

[AJBert]

Now that is FUNNAY! Made some beer come out of my nose! I guess I'd better go to AA now, huh?

[Armybrat]

Close to the truth?

[wyntrout]

This is fantastic!


https://www.facebook.com/caprockpatriot/videos/368159850791623/

[Armybrat]

That is exactly what “they” are promising.
No shame at all with that Looney Tunes SJW crowd.

[wyntrout]

Maybe not funny to everyone, but :D.

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/71333387_10214313312006041_1150641757440966656_n.j pg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_eui2=AeHhBHrVfO466NXRaRp15iklZVFmwQT2zT_5H1ZFq 7bGcWDLlMj3grqx1VI4kv9U5ok2YuI9yehZnJ5MgYW73AVRumz tKwp6573GTNekhBDr6w&_nc_oc=AQlrsyi5bwllXqyd-shLMsF9MYZk13fo2bfoxRcLmG8WIIDvBxNCmfcyZ55BsQmVx60&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=4a12cc21cb469f48ecc6e32bbd2aedf9&oe=5DFA1CF6

[jeepster09]

After 10 years a wife started to think that their child
kind of look strange so she did a DNA test and found
out that the child wasn't theirs and she told her husband
what she found out.

The husband replied, don't you remember? When we
were leaving the hospital the baby pooped and you told
me to go in and change him, so I went inside and got
a clean one and left the dirty one there.

[jeepster09]

Apparently it's no longer politically-correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, A Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, Two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian all go out to a nightclub.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

[jeepster09]

Ole, a farmer in Minnesota, needs a new milk cow, and hears about one forsale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.)

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm, and looks at the cow.

He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls, the cow farts.

Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again.

He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home.

He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens."

So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts.

Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, din't yah?"

Ole is surprised, since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip.

Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?"

Jimmy says, "My wife's from Nordakota."

[jeepster09]

WE ALL GET OLD IN THE END....


I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne. Life is great.

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/71036402_10216592253813071_4740394166675046400_n.j pg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_eui2=AeEl3-NndSrxWGRHa0BhKCHNWw8cfGX6NV0dJrHYC4ft5hIoK6rhoKyx skk6ARVwbINOdMpEO2uww-dMqrm61srllfvV8dlsp1spFvD9TMliXA&_nc_oc=AQl_NZ0Gek8i0es6a_-tADONMoBH-pFcOxZEO_Pz9Zkiapl8GxjYimuGOlewuoJdANs&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=a66b7c67a5182cb237506427e819cc2a&oe=5E32BACB :eek:

[Armybrat]

Jajajaja!!!

[jocko]

Apparently it's no longer politically-correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, A Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, Two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian all go out to a nightclub.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."
You could have just said Italian, as we breed them all🧕🏾🧕🏾

[jeepster09]

Jocko was selling his bike.....

[jeepster09]

Whitey was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to

fertilize the eggs. Whitey kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful

lot of Whitey's time so Whitey got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Whitey could tell from a

distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

Whitey's favorite rooster was old Brewster, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Whitey noticed old Brewster's

bell hadn't rung at all! Whitey went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. BUT, to Whitey's amazement,
Brewster had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Whitey was so proud of Brewster, he entered him in the county fair... and Brewster became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result… The judges not only awarded Brewster the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

[jeepster09]

At the regular Sunday morning service, father George announced that he was
Planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.
Costa, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims "If father George stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year, and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.


Dmitri, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If father George will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee a free university education for his children!"
More sighs and loud applause!


Maria, age 68, stands and announces with a smile, "If father George stays, I will give him sex!"
There is total silence.
Father George, blushing, asks her: "Maria, you're a wonderful and holy lady.


Whatever possessed you to say that?"
Maria's 70-year old husband, Vasillis, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied, "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: "F him."

[jeepster09]

Well....Jocko's at the emergency room.
Today was not a good day. He decided to try horse back riding this morning to relax. It turned out to be a freakin mistake!
Jocko got on the horse and started out slowly, but then went a little faster; before he knew it, they going as fast as the horse could go. The horse made a sudden jerk and reared up, and he couldn't hold on. Jocko fell off, but his foot got caught in the stirrup.
The horse kept bucking and running, and was dragging him and wouldn't stop.
Thank goodness the manager of the mall came out and unplugged the machine.
But then he had the nerve to take the rest of his quarters so he wouldn't attempt to drive the Batmobile, and told him to stay away from the handicap carts.

[Bawanna]

Good one!

[wyntrout]

Non-PC. I don't know why Facebook put a cover over this, as they do with really bloody and violent stuff. :-D

https://scontent-mia3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/71210206_2459220694292561_5000616197801115648_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&_nc_eui2=AeEoDZZODbqBnxiOj5-3pd83xHC3OqWOyVUsnLhUcaKuKQqaqcX8jmOQfepxyHkbEqyqC jR_6i4KGqfjDiplQngZZxOwjOWhqnWnHaJW2KTNJQ&_nc_oc=AQki4sg4duY08XIGti7ohZUEEkA6uKp7R3sEQb2qWva 7Fcdz8sU8_2KBzpwUoOYOlIw&_nc_ht=scontent-mia3-2.xx&oh=2a38b2a5982170dda99bd5f2275b5830&oe=5E2E5EEE

[AJBert]

The best joke I remember from 3rd grade, and I still love it. Closest one could come at that age to cussing without getting a beating!

What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros with an elephant?



Elephino? :confused:

[jeepster09]

You could have just said Italian, as we breed them all崙崙


An Italian Funeral:


A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he
noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind
the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking
a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men
walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the
Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a
bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and
killed her also.

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and
silence passed between the two men.

The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in the line."

[kenemoore]

How come if I go to the animal shelter and bring home a dog, everyone thinks I'm a Saint.

But if I go to the Women's shelter and try to bring home a women, everyone goes batty?