Whats your favorite Chuck Norris joke

[getsome]

1. Chuck Norris got in a staring contest with a portrait and won... 2. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.... 3. The reason Chuck Norris has a beard is because he got tired of pounding the whiskers back in with a hammer and biting them off from the inside... . 4. Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience....5. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun....:cool:....Now y'alls turn....

[jocko]

1. Chuck Norris got in a staring contest with a portrait and won... 2. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.... 3. The reason Chuck Norris has a beard is because he got tired of pounding the whiskers back in with a hammer and biting them off from the inside... . 4. Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience....5. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun....:cool:....Now y'alls turn....

see chuck norris and christie brinkley working out together, it is always separate shots. WHY??? Becuase Chuck Norris IS CHRISTIE BRINKLEY:crazy:

[ripley16]

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

Chuck Norris does teach old dogs new tricks.

Chuck Norris doesn't hunt... he kills.

The Boogyman checks his closet at night for Chuck Norris.

America is not a democracy... it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding... but Chuck knows where he is anyway.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity......... twice.

[VBVAGUY]

When Bruce Banner gets angry, he becomes the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry he becomes Chuck Norris !!! I hope you enjoyed it. God Bless :)

[ripley16]

A few more;

Chuck isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck.

Chuck can blow a bubble with beef jerky.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed!

When Chuck Norris goes into the water he doesnt get wet the water gets Chucked.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck's biographer wanted to title the book Chuck in Charge, but Chuck said "No" because it was redundant. Chuck doesn't repeat himself... ever.

Power corrupts but absolute power is Chuck.

Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands...now they're just the islands.

Chuck can watch the show 60 Minutes in 20 minutes.

[jmstallard]

(this is not a joke) I heard Chuck Norris himself telling a few of these jokes on a late night talk show. I wonder if he realizes that they're laughing AT him, not WITH him.

[joje]

i'm laughing with him. i think he is awesome :)

[wyntrout]

I think he just turned 70, but can still seriously kick some butt.

I studied Karate while stationed on Okinawa... went to maybe three classes before giving up because I was gone TDY too much. :D

I can still say that I studied Karate there... I just don't think it's smart to say something like that when you can't back it up. And, anyone who knows anything about that type of martial arts can tell by looking at your hands... the knuckles, especially, and tell that you're blowing smoke... or full of $#!+.

Wynn:)

[Bawanna]

We had a guy like that in high school (yup I made it to high school). He went around telling everyone he was a black belt it karate. Turned out he'd read a book about it and figure he could do all the moves.
Got his backside thumped several times. He was a pretty big guy or he probably would have gotten it even worse.
I see the guys doing the flying drop kicks and mall ninja moves and just tell em to be careful I work out. I then pull my pointer finger out of my nose (for safe keeping) flex it a few times and tell em I work out!

[wyntrout]

My favorite martial artist used to be Buffy... Sarah Michelle Gellar... Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do. She parlayed that into a decent career... her looks didn't hurt, either.

I used to like Steven Seagal, but I got tired of watching the fat, aging, Al-Gore-physique playing the same boring part all of the time in one B-move after another.

I understand he can really shoot a 1911 .45, though. I've seen guys in magazines write that he watered their eyes.

Wynn:)

[Bawanna]

From what I understand Segal is the real deal in shooting and all other aspects. I love the guy myself and I dont recall seeing a single B movie he was in. Just my opinion of course.

Norris is in the same boat in some respects. I love his movies too as long as he don't talk. Kind of like Rambo, entertaining until he says something.

We all will get old someday, gotta cut em a little slack for hangin in well as they do.

[wyntrout]

Hey! Rambo, or "Old Rambo" wasn't too bad... lots of Ma-Deuce firing and misting hits, decaps, and limbs knocked off. Woohoo!
Wynn:D

[ripley16]

When Norris and Segal first met, Steven immediately began kicking and beating himself in hopes that Chuck would not hurt him. Chuck let him live. :hurt:

When Chuck first met Phil Baxter, a Karate champ from Brooklyn, N.Y., Chuck made him speak in a French accent and changed his name to Jean Claude VanDam. Claude has continued this practice to this day. :D Chuck the merciful.

[O'Dell]

My favorite martial artist used to be Buffy... Sarah Michelle Gellar... Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do. She parlayed that into a decent career... her looks didn't hurt, either.

I used to like Steven Seagal, but I got tired of watching the fat, aging, Al-Gore-physique playing the same boring part all of the time in one B-move after another.

I understand he can really shoot a 1911 .45, though. I've seen guys in magazines write that he watered their eyes.

Wynn:)

Another vote for "Buffy". That was a funny, well written show until it went weird sometime near the end of the second season.

[ripley16]

Bigfoot carries a camera just in case he catches a glimpse of Chuck Norris.

[wyntrout]

It's amazing how the people, knowing no martial arts, die and become vampires and all of a sudden they are Kung Fu masters.
One of my favorite episodes was about an alternate Willow appearing as a kick-@$$ vampire... Doppelgangers. She was really hot in that episode, though I have always liked her.:)

You have to sign in here now and get signed out for inactivity. I like the sign out deal, but, the sign in all of the time, not so much.

I guess changes have been made. I wonder if "Kahr"... nope, still considered a misspelled or incorrect word.

Wynn:D

[Bawanna]

I think it's broke and they just haven't fixed it yet. I always have to sign in and always sign out. I sometime just stay signed in for awhile when I'm trying to squeeze in a little work in between ticking people off here. I'm waiting to be banned from here and fired from my job on the same day.
That would be a sad day for sure. Firing, not so bad but getting banned, I'd probably swallow my sword.

[wyntrout]

Maybe Bawanna' overloaded it and broke it, since he's responsible for almost 10% of the posts. :eek:
I'm glad that I'm not so talkative. :boink: :D

Wynn:behindsofa: :D :popcorn: