October....really!

[jeepster09]

........

[jeepster09]

..............

[wyntrout]

And... we're in the middle of hurricane season! :o

[340pd]

A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk
that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the
first-time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."

"WELL! "replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he had a heart attack due to an unknown congenital condition as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?"


"That one was a Democrat", said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

[Bawanna]

Love it!

[GROTMAN]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/scarecrow-jpg.5177/

[jeepster09]

Grammar Lesson
Everyone can use a little “grammar” update now and then so here's yours for today.

Is it “complete”, “finished” or “completely finished”? No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - “Complete” and “Finished”.

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.'

Here is his astute answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!

[Armybrat]

....

[Bawanna]

Dang I like that one.

[wyntrout]

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET BLONDE GENIES



A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.



Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.



One blonde genie says to the other one," I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

[Armybrat]

The 10th of October is an awesome day!

I’d rate it 10/10.

[Armybrat]

...

[AJBert]

The 10th of October is an awesome day!

I’d rate it 10/10.

You aren't one of the pi day folks, too, are you???

[Armybrat]

As long as it is pecan pie...

[mr surveyor]

pie are round .... cornbread are square


besides that, cowpi rflat

jd

[wyntrout]

Pizza pie is geometric! We make it round, cut it into triangles, and put it into square boxes!

[wyntrout]

First night after the bars open... be careful! :0

[jeepster09]

Beep beep....

[Armybrat]

We need a like button! :D

[Armybrat]

...

[getsome]

OMG....Time to call out these guys. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hGhYbg3KVu0

[getsome]

This is telling on myself but tonight my oldest son and I were getting ready to watch the National League Braves Dodgers playoff game and before the game started Fox was playing a lead in song by Van Halen so I started head banging and singing along to their big hit "Let it rock Let it roll" and I'm getting into it and my son looks at me and says, dad what are you singing? I said that Van Halen song and he looked at me laughing like an insane person and said, dad the song title is Panama and they are singing Panama don don don don da Panama....Will stupid me bet him 20 bucks that he was wrong aaaaaand well damn if he wasn't right..... For over 40 years I've been hearing it "Let it rock, Let it roll" which I still think sounds better but now I'm out a 20 and I'm gonna hate the song from now on......You listen to the Van Halen song "Panama" and tell me what you hear....

Has that ever happened to anyone else where you think a song says one thing and years later you find out what you thought they were saying wasn't even close and it totally messes you up?....Years ago song lyrics were hard to find but now with the internet you can find song lyrics instantly and it just ain't right....I'm sticking with what I hear in my head because it just sounds right to me.......

[AJBert]

I'm sure it has happened to me over the years, but I can't recall be that far off. My wife, on the other hand, cracks me up all the time. The song from The Who, "Who Are You", which was the open song from one of the CSI shows, she always sang Cool Water...Ooooh, ooooh. She didn't believe me she was singing it wrong until I pulled up the lyrics. Many others songs she sang the wrong words but that is the one I remember off hand.

And, yes, I would have bet you on "Panama", too!

[getsome]

Thanks Bert, I feel a little better....I love The Who and for years I thought the title of one of their all time greatest hits was "Teenage Wasteland" but it's really "Baba O'Riley" which makes no sense at all but most rock songs don't and for years they have been trying to explain the meaning of "Stairway to Heaven" without much success and God forbid they ever figure out the words to "Louie Louie" because I'm singing it my way no matter what they say the words are......Some things are sacred....

[wyntrout]

Saw this on FB:

[Armybrat]

....

[Bawanna]

Reckon I ought to be getting me one of them, I wanna be legal and all don't cha know........too bad I can't get that in a 380.

[Armybrat]

...

[Armybrat]

Voted early today - 30 minutes total from getting in line to out the exit.

[Bawanna]

My wife brought me this really nice hat from Branson Missouri in case I forget who I'm voting for. I have a huge head and it's really comfy. Most hats are snug even opened up all the way. Love it.

https://i.postimg.cc/GhSTX0QD/DSCN8153.jpg (https://postimg.cc/TpgPP4B2)


Crap, see the dogs been hanging out on the bed again. Guess a little dog hair never hurt nobody but ma gets a might riled sometimes.

[wyntrout]

I just saw this... probably already done! :D

[Armybrat]

....

[Armybrat]

.....

[Armybrat]

...

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p526x296/121792897_3693849770648331_55217177104329351_n.jpg ?_nc_cat=104&ccb=2&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=OusTJh1_QuEAX-ox2to&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-2.xx&tp=6&oh=6f99a0ac38620a5e8c9ec1773e1c0dd3&oe=5FB68782

[getsome]

My wife brought me this really nice hat from Branson Missouri in case I forget who I'm voting for. I have a huge head and it's really comfy. Most hats are snug even opened up all the way. Love it.

https://i.postimg.cc/GhSTX0QD/DSCN8153.jpg (https://postimg.cc/TpgPP4B2)


Crap, see the dogs been hanging out on the bed again. Guess a little dog hair never hurt nobody but ma gets a might riled sometimes.

Well boss, wear your hat proudly, wish I had one......I know we have a rule about politics here but after watching the debate tonight between our GREAT President and a tired old man who has NO idea how to run this Great Country and who's plan will drive America into the ground with the liberals failed plans with energy and sociialized health care I pray that wiser minds will prevail....God Bless America and President Trump....

[jeepster09]

How vets handle zombies....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjk7QVMMgZs&feature=emb_logo

[wyntrout]

Why we shoot deer in the wild:
(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well, and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God...An Educated Farmer

[Armybrat]

Party time at the Armybrat Manor!

[Bawanna]

I have to wonder just what's going on here at Armybrat Manor?

[wyntrout]

Colonoscopy?? Not sure about all of that together, though! :eek:

[340pd]

https://www.bing.com/images/blob?bcid=SPbDEa-w4fYBaQ

[Bawanna]

Good one!

[Armybrat]

...

[340pd]

17120

[340pd]

17121

[340pd]

17122

[Armybrat]

Patrick L. won a $738,104 Mega Progressive jackpot with the spades royal flush hit on Mississippi Stud at the Flamingo, according to the resort’s Twitter account.

[wyntrout]

Awesome!

[wyntrout]

Adult content.

[Bawanna]

http://webmail.broadstripe.net/service/home/~/?auth=co&loc=en&id=133784&part=2

[Bawanna]

HELLO!!!!! Is there anyone alive out there? Don't recollect it ever being so slow around here especially this time of year.

[mr surveyor]

I'm here, but using my usual superpower of invisibility ;)


jd

[dao]

I'm too busy reading hilarious memes of a political nature. I love memes.

[CharlieW]

Guess everybody is on a Halloween hangover ;-) We set a card table out in front of the porch, and passed candy across at social distance -- only had 30 or so kids come by, but it was a beautiful evening out and we got to visit with the neighbors a bit.

[Bawanna]

We didn't have a single trick or treater, wife didn't even buy any candy which concerned me as I figured we'd have a bunch. Don't think we've had any for several years.

Used to have tons when our kids were little, the neighborhood was young. Now seems they are too little or too old.

We have a pretty long driveway so the effort might not be worth the reward neither.

[AJBert]

We haven't had a trick or treater come by the house in over 20 years. Could be the deer and/or elk that tend to be hanging in a tree at the time. I do light them up so the kids won't be scared, so I don't know what the problem is?

[Armybrat]

We had 25 kids show up.
The wife put little Hershey Candy bars & KitCats out on a table. Each kid took one and yelled thank you through the front screen door. So no contact with the little buggers.

I do have a lot of leftover Hershey bars for personal consumption after my colonoscopy on Tuesday. 😁

[dustnchips]

In my sixyears in this house I have not had a single kid stop. In my old house in town I would get 165-175 every year.

[berettabone]

The wind was sure howling Sat. night. Strongest I've heard so far. Sustained 40-50 Mph.........................................supris ed I didn't see more trees down. No trick or treaters. Long drive, no trespassing sign, H&K sign does the trick every time. Never even got any kids in the city. I used to go to the more affluent side of town when I was a kid. Got better candy and money. I remember I would get enough to last for a year. I shared with my mother who had a sweet tooth. She liked the small candy bars. I always liked the gum, jawbreakers and Lifesavers. The Slow Pokes and Black Cows were good too. Zero bars are my fav............................................... ................

[wyntrout]

Banned here and we didn't buy any candy. Left the lights off and nobody came by. My wife said it was the best Halloween ever.

There were several residences that go all out with decorations anyhow.

Windy and cool today... saw 59 a few hours ago and it's up to 62 now. Sunny and partly cloudy... good weather for saving money on the electricity. :)

[Bobshouse]

In my sixyears in this house I have not had a single kid stop. In my old house in town I would get 165-175 every year.

Did your real estate agent inform you about the ghosts when you first purchased the house?

[dustnchips]

Same with all of the neighbors here. Houses are too far apart and no kids in the neighborhood. Good question though. If someone told me the house had a ghost I would beat them up on price and buy it anyway. I ain't scared of no ghost.

[Armybrat]

...

[340pd]

17145

[Armybrat]

Colonoscopy?? Not sure about all of that together, though! :eek:

Am continuing recovery rehab from yesterday’s colonoscopy....

[Armybrat]

Am continuing recovery rehab from yesterday’s colonoscopy........

[Bawanna]

Wish I was there to help you with that recovery.

[jeepster09]

Yum....

[Armybrat]

Had to get all that sweet taste outta my mouth...
(We did take half of it home)