April fools

[340pd]

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[340pd]

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[King Rat]

17610

Lizard Woman!

[getsome]

She is living proof that aliens from outer space have visited earth and mated with humans.....

[Armybrat]

...

[jeepster09]

...

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-atl3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/s720x720/165056078_1328222220908865_805268538090493185_n.pn g?_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=i5FzORthNMgAX8_iDyD&_nc_ht=scontent-atl3-2.xx&_nc_tp=30&oh=f3cfef0a70e6b3d27a7a4d780a14b4e0&oe=608D00F3

[340pd]

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https://whitetailr.com/product/best-recipes-for-unexpected-guests-bookkase-model-sm-copy/

[340pd]

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[Bobshouse]

mmmmmmm...............BACON!!!!!!

[GROTMAN]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/lol-mouse-trap-gun-jpg.6937/



1 / 1

[340pd]

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[Bawanna]

Nice!

[yqtszhj]

...

Oh, that would be so cruel.

[Armybrat]

RIP Rambo.

A cartoonist’s eulogy for his dog:

https://theoatmeal.com/comics/dog_paradox?fbclid=IwAR0BVQ3JjpxYqxeoqXQxWEXAXL3Hs ikA4AlQYBZ1Z8KqJ3XvnvXnWxF3Va0

[340pd]

Happy Easter!


17625

[jeepster09]

Sex frog
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says, "Sex frogs! Only $20 each! Money back guarantee! Comes with complete instructions."

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens. The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."

Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

[340pd]

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[Bawanna]

Amen to that!

[Armybrat]

.....

[Bawanna]

This really hit home.

[GROTMAN]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/a6f0f863-c925-476e-bae3-2dc0c64babc6-jpeg.6979/

[getsome]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/a6f0f863-c925-476e-bae3-2dc0c64babc6-jpeg.6979/

There is a reason that Jesus never married, he was able to see the future unlike the rest of us......

[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/NfAUYKw.jpg?1

[King Rat]

Ya, just cannot make this stuff up. "Zoom Court". Hey, at least he wasn't Text messaging. Poor Josh, he just does not seem to have any luck at all.
https://cwbchicago.com/2021/04/prosecutors-man-charged-with-driving-stolen-car-appeared-on-zoom-court-hearing-from-inside-another-stolen-car.html

https://i.imgur.com/ZYeLRUr.jpg?1

[jeepster09]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/www.hdforums.com-vbulletin/720x529/fb_img_16176337765714454_jpg_dcd111eafb6c514761eb9 4cdc23881bd9c284a4b.jpg

[jeepster09]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/www.hdforums.com-vbulletin/699x540/163181266_792346791365923_4780824702700235775_n_jp g_1018267_d1da6c27c8260b493e32f1ed9b13a4754dbf6884 .jpeg

[jeepster09]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/www.hdforums.com-vbulletin/649x960/166263834_10208279324018712_3551566102250228523_n_ 9023431b5ff940885e9bd0a0ef0359487463fb81.jpg

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[Armybrat]

...

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[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/VSx4dDV.jpg?1

[jeepster09]

https://i.imgur.com/VSx4dDV.jpg?1


George is a hero for the left....

https://alphanewsmn.com/floyd-monument/

The city of Minneapolis is set to erect a permanent memorial to George Floyd at the corner of 38th street and Chicago Avenue where he was killed.
The permanent monument will cost at least $50,000, the sum of a “planning grant” provided by the National Trust for Historic Preservation (NTHP). The city’s memorial will take the place of a temporary memorial at the same site that was constructed by citizens and protected by officials, per WCCO (https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2020/06/13/minneapolis-police-we-will-not-touch-george-floyds-memorial/), shortly after Floyd’s death.
In addition to the $50,000 memorial, the same source reports that a street may be renamed in Floyd’s honor, or a plaque may be placed.

[Bawanna]

What a world we live in these days. Too bad the pregnant lady didn't have a gun, cept she'd be in prison with no monument and probably not even a mention in the media.

[King Rat]

What a world we live in these days. Too bad the pregnant lady didn't have a gun, cept she'd be in prison with no monument and probably not even a mention in the media.


I would bet she was dealing and they were looking for drugs. In Floyd's crowd, she most likely would have ended up dead anyway. Drugs, retaliation what ever. You can bet one thing for sure. If she had shot Floyd, no one would give a crap. Just saw were a leader of BLM is said to expect cities go be to burn down if a no guilty is found by the Jury. And I believe them. This is no surprise. And if not Floyd they would find yet another reason. Our country is being held hostage by these terrorist. And they are getting away with it all across the board.
The Policeman will most likely end up as a Scape Goat. We let them all get away with this. Unless Americans stand up, it will just get worse.

https://i.imgur.com/AfwiwHB.jpg

[jeepster09]

Well we can do without Mpls. here in Minnesota,,,,let it burn. They are burning their own nest!

[getsome]

Well we can do without Mpls. here in Minnesota,,,,let it burn. They are burning their own nest!

Yep, tomorrow President Pickle Head is supposed to issue Executive Orders on gun control, something about “ghost guns” made on 3D printers without serial numbers made in somebody’s basement.....Really? Has there ever been a crime committed with an AR rifle made in a garage workshop, well no but they must be banned because they are evil and dangerous......What will this mean to the 3D printing industry because we “The Government” can’t allow the general public to possess any machine that could possibly be used to make a weapon...Does this mean that we must ban bandsaws because they could be used to make slingshots with?......There is real danger in this world and it’s spelled DEMOCRAT

[yqtszhj]

Yep, tomorrow President Pickle Head is supposed to issue Executive Orders on gun control, something about “ghost guns” made on 3D printers without serial numbers made in somebody’s basement.....Really?

Wonder what he created spending all that time in his basement before the election? Oh wait, I think they keep him in the White House basement too...

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[Armybrat]

.......

[Armybrat]

Had an “ incident” in my home last night:

Waking up around 12:30am after rolling over, I heard a very noisy “BANG” from somewhere in the house. That elicited a loud expletive from me as I got out of bed to investigate, waking my wife up in the process.

Anyway, I slipped into my house shoes, grabbed the nightstand 9mm and proceeded to clear the house & garage room by room with all lights on. Didn’t find any burglars and nothing was out of place, which was very perplexing as the noise had obviously originated inside the house. So I went back to bed, trying to think of what could have caused it.... did a spent bullet or meteorite hit the roof? Did a floor tile under stress crack all of a sudden? Quite mystifying to say the least, but it took us a long while to get back to sleep.
Luckily I didn’t encounter a burglar during the house search, as he would have died laughing at the sight of a very portly old man in his house slippers (and nothing else) creeping around with gun in hand. At least I would not have had to shoot him. 😆

Got up late at 7am and did another search throughout the house and found nothing out of place until opening the fridge door to get a drink of water. That’s when I saw blobs of white dough scattered around inside the fridge. A tube of biscuit dough in a door shelf had popped open all on its own during the night with enough explosive violence to blow the metal cap off, making the loud bang when it hit the plastic shelf above it.

So... we are having biscuits for breakfast if they can actually bake, as some were pretty dried out.

[JohnR]

So the very portly Pillsbury dough boy was your burglar!

I could have done without the visual of a naked portly old man with a gun, though... :D

[Bawanna]

Oh I don't know, I kind of envisioned Santa Claus doing a room search. Does that help at all?

[JohnR]

Oh I don't know, I kind of envisioned Santa Claus doing a room search. Does that help at all?

You keep your fantasies to yourself there, boss. :D

[BirdsThaWord]

Meeeeeeeeerry Biscuits!!! Lol! I’ve done a few house clearings in my birthday suit. I have wondered what kind of terror would flash through the bad guys mind as he caught a glimpse of me and my weapon(s) :D

[JohnR]

I'm learning way too much about y'alls sleeping habits...

[Bawanna]

Probably qualify as assault with a dead weapon.

[JohnR]

Kinda glad Jocko’s back under his rock right now. :)

[340pd]

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[Armybrat]

...

[Armybrat]

...

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[jeepster09]

....

[Armybrat]

....

[Bawanna]

Amen brother, best of times. If parents were looking for us, they'd just look for the house with all the bikes laying around the front yard.

[yqtszhj]

That was my youth too.

[wyntrout]

The woods... and the creeks... best playgrounds!

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-0/p526x296/168419056_978789679192616_7678469386780798517_n.jp g?_nc_cat=107&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=HRQai8VXVMoAX-itOS1&_nc_ht=scontent-atl3-1.xx&tp=6&oh=e8ad89dc612018699217bb28503771e5&oe=60988BA4

[340pd]

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[jeepster09]

....
:hippie:

[Bawanna]

17653

No Wilson, I'm deeply offended.

[wyntrout]

Not to mention... NO KAHRS!

[340pd]

No Wilson, I'm deeply offended.

I noted that but the Wilson I own is on hy hip thanks to you forcing me to make the purchase.
Thank you BTW, it is my daily carry while at work.

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/172078580_4349905091734482_1144967303591771829_n.j pg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=7Snb43Jm8EEAX_odLP1&_nc_ht=scontent-atl3-1.xx&oh=ecd2a8b6b5e466d2d1472fb58d414548&oe=609936F3

[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/CqppVrs.jpg?1

[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/hxu6BLc.jpg?1

[Armybrat]

Dog gets scared of Darth Vader, hides behind couch...

https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1380203011335716869?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5 Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1380229779979268096%7Ctwgr% 5E%7Ctwcon%5Es3_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.surlyhorns.com%2Fboard%2 Findex.php%3Fapp%3Dcoremodule%3Dsystemcontroller%3 Dembedurl%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fmobile.twitter.com%2FHam illHimself%2Fstatus%2F1380229779979268096%3Fref_sr c%3Dtwsrc255Etfw257Ctwcamp255Etweetembed257Ctwterm 255E1380229779979268096257Ctwgr255E257Ctwcon255Es1 _26ref_url%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fd-29333029021922665162.ampproject.net%2F210326104800 2%2Fframe.html

[tokuno]

Was going to share the adorable dog vid with my kids, but chanced to slide down and read a few of the RexChapman posts . . . nope.

[skiflydive]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-0/p526x296/170727865_10220799697326234_3519983159000245487_n. jpg?_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=bwzY24-sYloAX9oIF5C&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&tp=6&oh=0540060b71264ad8edf588a160bd43dd&oe=6098D965

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[GROTMAN]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/1-gif.7055/

[getsome]

Safety First!....It was time to get the John Deere lawn tractor going so I went to get the gas can out to refuel but it looked pretty dirty on the bottom and the big spider living in there didn’t seem to appreciate that I opened the top so I decided to go buy a new gas can and fuel for the summer so I went to the Depot and bought a very expensive twenty dollar 5 gallon plastic can and then drove another 11 miles to get ethanol free gas.....After reading three pages of instructions I finally managed to get the top off the stupid thing and found even more instructions inside the can but was able to fill it and went back home thinking all was good....

Hauled the high dollar gas can to the shed where I unfortunately figured out it might take 3 hands to get this fokin can to pour because you have to flip a lever with your thumb and at the same time try and press forward on a GD safety valve thing to get the gas to come out which might have worked ok except the SOB evil genius who designed this POS didn’t think to put a handle on the back to hang onto so you have to try and hit the small tank opening while holding down the #@*$&# safety lever while simultaneously trying to hold a heavy 5 gallon can between your legs which the end result of was me pouring a quart and half of gasoline down my right leg, drenching my new pair of sneakers and jeans not to mention turning my shed into an explosive bomb.....

I’m hoping the hair grows back on my right leg by the end of summer but at least I’m feeling a lot fokin safer now........

[Ralph III]

Ha, ha. That's just about how I feel about these stupid gas containers these days. I think they are making them that way so the fuel doesn't get spilled accidentally! It's the same genius who invented the water saving toilets that have to be flushed twice now.

Ralph

[340pd]

17663

[skiflydive]

The "stupid fokking Cali spout" replacement. Available at home centers near you...except in stupid fokking Cali.
https://hw.menardc.com/main/items/media/1637/ProductMedium/2617473.jpg

[340pd]

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[340pd]

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[JohnR]

17664

That reminds me of an Eddie Murphy song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-peWHO6pRnQ

[340pd]

Safety First!....It was time to get the John Deere lawn tractor going so I went to get the gas can out to refuel but it looked pretty dirty on the bottom and the big spider living in there didn’t seem to appreciate that I opened the top so I decided to go buy a new gas can and fuel for the summer so I went to the Depot and bought a very expensive twenty dollar 5 gallon plastic can and then drove another 11 miles to get ethanol free gas.....After reading three pages of instructions I finally managed to get the top off the stupid thing and found even more instructions inside the can but was able to fill it and went back home thinking all was good....

Hauled the high dollar gas can to the shed where I unfortunately figured out it might take 3 hands to get this fokin can to pour because you have to flip a lever with your thumb and at the same time try and press forward on a GD safety valve thing to get the gas to come out which might have worked ok except the SOB evil genius who designed this POS didn’t think to put a handle on the back to hang onto so you have to try and hit the small tank opening while holding down the #@*$&# safety lever while simultaneously trying to hold a heavy 5 gallon can between your legs which the end result of was me pouring a quart and half of gasoline down my right leg, drenching my new pair of sneakers and jeans not to mention turning my shed into an explosive bomb.....

I’m hoping the hair grows back on my right leg by the end of summer but at least I’m feeling a lot fokin safer now........

Problem solved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lcnwdIYEfI

[Bawanna]

That's brilliant, I don't have any of those new fangled pour spouts but that valve stem vent system is great. I'll be doing that to a couple. Dude sure had plenty of gas stored for whatever. Wow!

[getsome]

That is brilliant, I should have thought to look at YouTube for a solution for this stupid problem.....There are some really smart people on there and amazingly enough if your submarine propeller shaft bushing ever springs a leak there is probably a guy on there that knows how to fix it.....In a million years I wouldn’t have thought about using a tire valve for a vent but that’s a great idea.......Funny when I was a youngster cutting neighbors grass I had a Western Auto 2 1/2 gallon galvanized can that rode with me, no safety devices at all just a big metal cap where the gas went in and a small spout cap where the gas came out, worked great and I never spilled a drop.....Wish I had it back.........

[jeepster09]

Snakes Can Be Dangerous
The Garter Snake can be dangerous .

Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat
down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it
needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's
throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

Breathe here...

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire
in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones
in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

[King Rat]

I remember talking to a Xray tech. He showed me a xray from a patient that had a Large Mag Flashlight stuck up his ***. The Picture was quite amazing. He told me that all types of weird patients come in with similar issues.

[JohnR]

Poor snake, blamed for everything!

[340pd]

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[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/IVhMVPr.jpg?1

[340pd]

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[Armybrat]

I didn’t know that Hogg kid was still employed by Bloomberg’s Useful Idiot Corps.

[Armybrat]

17672

Love that beautiful Farmall too.

[Bawanna]

That Farmall is a real beauty. Must be a tractor show or parade, too pretty to be a working tractor.

[BirdsThaWord]

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A pick pocket snatches watches...

[Armybrat]

...

[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/aIAaq8M.jpg?1

[King Rat]

From the great movie "Breaker Morant" quote at firing squad. From the book "Scapegoats of the Empire"
https://i.imgur.com/enazEgy.jpg?1

https://i.imgur.com/Q1MFXDl.jpg?1

[340pd]

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[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/iPKFhXa.jpg?1

[BirdsThaWord]

^ Spot on right there!

[340pd]

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[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/cBBanSP.jpg?2

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-0/p180x540/169594625_3437194943047726_500293344845765354_n.jp g?_nc_cat=110&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=1eDS1VeahpoAX_txOYu&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&tp=6&oh=7d3634cc03006ba456c1d6e932b2aaa7&oe=60A2A002

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-0/p526x296/70504779_10220620259845258_6916350810737606656_n.j pg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=8XxDD2HnMNkAX9hMOCW&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&tp=6&oh=66751cbd23320322f487a679f397c8f7&oe=60A453B8

[getsome]

That there is a fact......There is one simple thing that would have prevented all the deaths, rioting, looting and all the rest of the crap we are seeing today and that is to COMPLY with what a Police Officer tells you to do.......Why is that concept so hard for some people to understand.....

[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/lcCjv98.jpg?1

[340pd]

17683

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[Armybrat]

17680
Been there, done that a few times with my old 1960 MGA roadster back in the day.

[Armybrat]

....

[340pd]

17687

[GROTMAN]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/174489348_1438581466477701_4917520512842766393_n-jpg.7147/

[GROTMAN]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/7-jpeg.7149/

[tokuno]

Been there, done that a few times with my old 1960 MGA roadster back in the day.
Yeah, I had a number of clunkers that I'd always park on a slope. Couldn't do that with my 86 Jetta, though - no parking brake. Had to bump that one on level ground. Light car, fortunately.
Clutch cable broke on our '76 Pinto during a camping trip. Wouldn't start in-gear, so my brother started it in neutral, and I pushed it up to speed sufficient for him to jam it into first, then sprinted up the passenger side and jumped in. Good times.

[340pd]

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[skiflydive]

Been there, done that a few times with my old 1960 MGA roadster back in the day.

Bet you wish you had that back! Was it a twin cam?

[dao]

That there is a fact......There is one simple thing that would have prevented all the deaths, rioting, looting and all the rest of the crap we are seeing today and that is to COMPLY with what a Police Officer tells you to do.......Why is that concept so hard for some people to understand.....

Probably for the same reason that if a person votes for lying cheats, they can expect to be lied to, and cheated. But votes for them anyway.

[340pd]

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[Armybrat]

Bet you wish you had that back! Was it a twin cam?

No, just a standard 1600. Looked just like this one:

[Armybrat]

...

[Bawanna]

No, just a standard 1600. Looked just like this one:

They allow those things in Texas?

[Armybrat]

I bought it used from a lawyer over in Houston, so apparently it was.
Stupid me, I shoulda bought that very clean ‘57 Chevy 210 two door sedan that had a nice big back seat.

[340pd]

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17699

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/56636904_2106097182819618_3575113897968926720_n.jp g?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=eQ2dyjDIWY8AX9eXgVH&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=fae109b758322b35b13311717816be11&oe=60A77740

[340pd]

17700

[yqtszhj]

17697

Lots of truth in that right there.

[Ken L]

17698

This makes me smile. A lot.

[Armybrat]

...

[GROTMAN]

https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/1-jpg.7175/

[getsome]

I want all the Biden voters to put their yard signs back up so the poor illegal immigrant women with several children holding signs needing money for food at the grocery store would know where to go for lodging and help.....

[340pd]

17703

[King Rat]

https://i.imgur.com/8OEGtWk.jpg?1

[340pd]

17712

[340pd]

17713

[340pd]

17714

[340pd]

17715

[King Rat]

17712


For God sake Man! Please give a warning before you show something as disgusting as that. I was just about to eat lunch. I will have to wait until dinner so I can get that Thing out of my head.

[BirdsThaWord]

Here’s another for you King. Not sure if this is too inappropriate for here or not. I know some are deeply offended by the word California. Mods please remove or let me know if too strong. :rolleyes:
17716

[jeepster09]

Covid stats....

[GROTMAN]

The History of the Middle Finger:

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and they began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to the sixth letter of the alphabet and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'

[getsome]

At my age it’s nice to know that someone cares about me and is interested in my needs.....My kids almost never call unless they want something but my little friend Ashish calls me 3 or 4 times a week to let me know that my 2002 pickup truck is about to go out out of warranty.........I think it’s nice that somebody out there still cares about us old folks........

[jeepster09]

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

[68Firebird]

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"


This one took me a few minutes. :rolleyes:

[Armybrat]

...

[Bawanna]

This one took me a few minutes. :rolleyes:

I'm still working this one, sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.

[tokuno]

I'm still working this one, sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.

Yeah, took me a double-pause to get it, but I gnawed on it till the light turned on, 'cause my b-i-l's name is Angus. I won't be repeating that one to him or his wife.

[Bawanna]

I'm still working, the light isn't coming on. Boy do I feel dumb.

[wyntrout]

Take the "G" out of his name! :D

[BirdsThaWord]

This one took me a few minutes. :rolleyes:
Lol! Me too!

[getsome]

Boy I feel better, took me a bit of pondering to get that one but daddy always called me “New Moon” because he said I wasn’t too bright....I will be adding it to my bad dad jokes book though........

[GROTMAN]

Take the "G" out of his name! :D

THANK YOU. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOT IT.:confused: GOOGLED IT AND APPARENTLY THERE ARE A LOT OF ANGUS JOKES OUT THERE. EVEN MADE ME THINK OF MACGYVER FOR A SEC OR TWO..

[Armybrat]

...

[340pd]

17722

[340pd]

17723

[340pd]

17724

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-dfw5-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/176990688_1261602344234064_7024497677754411602_n.j pg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=uzTvUOvnVGoAX87gWT7&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-2.xx&oh=8b8fae3e2fa464bc32ecad53d486d641&oe=60ABC4DF

[Armybrat]

......

[JohnR]

“Your move.”

[340pd]

17726

[King Rat]

What? No, fighting, crying, screaming, crying out for mommy?

https://i.imgur.com/jOg5v7U.jpg?1

[jeepster09]

An Atheist in the woods
AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS Courtesy of Suzy Wiberg

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"

"What powerful rivers!"

"What beautiful animals!"

He said to himself.

Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look . . . and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could along the path.

He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ....He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer ....and then ..... he tripped and fell.

Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him .....reaching towards him with its left paw ...and raising the right paw to strike ...

At that instant the Atheist cried out,

"Oh my God!"

Time Stopped ...

The bear froze .....

The forest was silent ....

A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky ...

"You deny my existence for all these years, you teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident ....Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"

"Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light ...."It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

... a pause ...

"Very well," said the voice ...

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed ...

And the bear dropped his right arm ....

brought both paws together ....

bowed his head & spoke ...

"LORD, BLESS THIS FOOD, WHICH I AM ABOUT TO RECEIVE"

[jeepster09]

A Marine and his wife
Once a Marine, always a Marine ...


On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired MARINE, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"


He looked up from his newspaper and said, "Yes, dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."


She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"


He nodded and said, "Yes, dear, I said, 'Oh, baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.' "


She giggled and said, "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"


He looked her up and down and said, "Mission accomplished."

[340pd]

17727

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/178642631_3891139644327270_5427603519389300639_n.j pg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=tal_7oAp2wkAX8aQZO0&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=da10075934cb47a5c257837641373920&oe=60AE47AF

[GROTMAN]

a marine and his wife
once a marine, always a marine ...


On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired marine, and asked, "honey, do you remember this?"


he looked up from his newspaper and said, "yes, dear, i do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."


she said, "yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"


he nodded and said, "yes, dear, i said, 'oh, baby, i'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.' "


she giggled and said, "that's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and i'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"


he looked her up and down and said, "mission accomplished."


funny

but then the fight started !!!

[getsome]

That was a good one but this year will be our 45th anniversary and if she were to show up in the same negligee she had on back in 76 which would be quite impossible without a major addition of material and then ask me, what do you have to say now big boy, I’d say, you stay right there baby, I’ll be right back and then I would go light a candle in the dining room and turn all the gas stove burners on high and pray for a really huge explosion before I made it back to the bedroom.......

[Armybrat]

...

[Armybrat]

....

[getsome]

....

He looks like a future car salesman......I worked at an Oldsmobile dealer for a year as a parts driver when I got out of high school and they had a salesman named Calvin Chatham who was fondly known as Cal Cheatum and another guy, Phil Fuller AKA Phil Fullofit.....Both of those clowns would have happily sold their grandmother a car with no brakes if the commission was right......

[GROTMAN]

...
https://www.ncgunowners.com/xf/attachments/3-jpg.7249/

[jeepster09]

WOW that's sad but true...;)

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-dfw5-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/93021590_10163481108020357_816166467685842944_n.jp g?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=XqJ9seFnDW0AX8qMYHO&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-2.xx&oh=6db694ccf6fb402ab8c12b681eddf457&oe=60AF4632

[wyntrout]

https://scontent-hou1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/178975277_1163284750803478_2462287872385886516_n.j pg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=-MJM-0waPQoAX93rHM8&_nc_ht=scontent-hou1-1.xx&oh=ffbcc574ccc1c3c4d7d73cc406df0081&oe=60AE9959

[kenemoore]

A Marine and his wife
Once a Marine, always a Marine ...


On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired MARINE, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"


He looked up from his newspaper and said, "Yes, dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."


She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"


He nodded and said, "Yes, dear, I said, 'Oh, baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.' "


She giggled and said, "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"


He looked her up and down and said, "Mission accomplished."


Oh Man!, that one brought tears to my eyes.

[jeepster09]

Rare condition
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section
of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose,
then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than
before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman,

"I couldn't help but notice" he said, "that you've sneezed three times,
wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare medical
condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.

"I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking
anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Black Pepper."

[340pd]

17732

[Armybrat]

:Amflag2:

[jeepster09]

Oh my! No words for this!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1mn8hyen1e14bey/Parking%20Assistance.mp4?dl=0

[getsome]

Oh my! No words for this!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1mn8hyen1e14bey/Parking%20Assistance.mp4?dl=0

There’s a blond joke in that one somewhere......wow

[AJBert]

Oh my! No words for this!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1mn8hyen1e14bey/Parking%20Assistance.mp4?dl=0

That there's funny...I don't care who you are!

[yqtszhj]

Oh my! No words for this!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1mn8hyen1e14bey/Parking%20Assistance.mp4?dl=0

That’s funny.

[340pd]

17733

[340pd]

17734

[340pd]

17735

[340pd]

17736

[340pd]

17737

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-0/p526x296/176444701_10225890564716275_9155332431320930514_n. jpg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=nqdXou2e2qkAX-ckOjs&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&tp=6&oh=a22dc9c1b574b4b3c67487387d952272&oe=60B18B01

[dustnchips]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/179874181_2957802571158718_3826521076144346876_n.p ng?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=r6j-UkJ8GJMAX-_hqoW&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=ace8c5a8e43856396b3f551a8b6e672c&oe=60B14E22A fisherman was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a Gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. .. ....

(get ready)

'You just happened to catch my eye.'
(Oh shut up, and just forward it!










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11







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[dustnchips]

https://external-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQGO3k3k_wh-Z2vo&w=584&h=406&url=https%3A%2F%2Fpbs.twimg.com%2Fmedia%2FEQ08j52X kAAUq1s%3Fformat%3Djpg%26name%3Dmedium&ccb=3-5&_nc_hash=AQGPyimhKjZAmOf3

[getsome]

Funny spot from Tucker Carlson’s Fox show this week....He showed an MSNBC spot with Joy Reid talking to a doctor saying that since she was now fully vaccinated against Covid 19 she decided to go outside and take a walk in a nearby park where not many people go so she showed how she put on not one but two masks and ventured outside for a short walk all by herself........Tucker said, isn’t that like a man getting a vasectomy and then going home to sleep alone but wearing two condoms just to be safe that nothing happens......Good point

[getsome]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-0/p526x296/176444701_10225890564716275_9155332431320930514_n. jpg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=nqdXou2e2qkAX-ckOjs&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&tp=6&oh=a22dc9c1b574b4b3c67487387d952272&oe=60B18B01

I read today that Randy Quaid was also going to run against Bruce Jenner for Governor.....Not that long ago Randy had a meltdown, grew out his hair and to become a hermit......There’s a good reason Archie Bunker called California “The land of fruits and nuts”