I`m so old...

[Dietrich]

Here`s an idea that might be fun.I`ll start things off with a few of my own and the rest of you jump in.Finish the following sentence:

I`m so old...

1. My social security number is 4.
2. The last time I made a woman breathe heavily,I later found out she had asthma.
3.My last orgasm was mainly dust.

[recoilguy]

I'm so old.......

1. If I act my age I mightend up dead
2. One of my pets was on Noahs ark
3. My wife says the best form of birth control is just looking at me........

RCG

[Indigo]

Kirk had hair....and not hair club (for men)

[Bawanna]

I'm so old dirt looks like a newborn babe in comparison.

I'm so old the wheel looks like a new concept.

I'm so old that computers come with a specific warning for me not to touch.

I'm so old behind closed door activities is like shooting pool with a rope.

[Just One Shot]

I'm so old

I........................................... what where we talking about?

[DC31]

On most days I feel like I held the light for the first 7 days.

[Bawanna]

On most days I feel like I held the light for the first 7 days.

Oh man, that's a good one. I gotta write that one down.

[gb6491]

Oh man, that's a good one. I gotta write that one down.
I have to agree, that pretty much finishes up this thread or, at least, made me feel too young to participate.
Thanks for the chuckle.:D
Regards,
Greg

[Bawanna]

I guess everything is relative. Whenever I'm feeling old (often anymore) I think of people who really are old Jocko, Wynn, others and then I dont feel so old.

I remember laying in the hospital with a broken back, I went down the same week Chrisopher Reeves fell off his horse. Watched the news about him the following week when they finally took me off the wonder drugs.

When I felt slightly depressed about my predicament I thought of him and figured I was the luckiest man alive.

Lets not let this thread end though. This has some real potential funny stuff.

Like Just One Shot, I can't remember what it might be but I sense it.

[getsome]

I'm so old that parts of me that should expand don't and parts that shouldn't do... I'm so old my cell phone has a dial... I'm so old I keep a battery charger on the night stand and in the morning I clamp a lead to each nipple for a jump start to get going...:eek:

[Tilos]

OK then,
I'm so old, no woman my age could ever get pregnant.
I'm so old, ALL the men my age LOOK pregnant.

just sayin'
Tlios

[Bawanna]

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

[cw45fan]

Pluck your magic twanger, Froggy!... Hiya Kids, Hiya, Hiya, Hiya!

[Just One Shot]

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.
http://i53.tinypic.com/2n6vsl4.jpg

[OldLincoln]

OLD FART PRIDE

I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of O Canada (or The Star Spangled Banner). Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

Old Farts remember World War II, D day, VE day, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam . ..

If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.

Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.

Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children orGrandchildren.

It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

We need them now more than ever.

Thank God for Old Farts!

[robmcd]

I'm so old, they force me to wear this T-shirt.


http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj131/robmcdphotos/OldMan.jpg


I'm so old, I probably won't live long enough to see this happen in real life.

http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj131/robmcdphotos/Pelosi.jpg

[Bawanna]

Agreed. Ouch, I think I just got a dart from a blow gun in the neck or perhaps a dull arrow from a weak cross bow.

[jimbar]

I'm so old I remember when Methuselah was just a kid in short pants!

[mr surveyor]

a couple of months ago my son and I were surveying a small tract adjacent to a larger tract I had surveyed a few years ago. Being the summer, my 15 year old grandson was with us, mainly to get his couch potato butt out for some fresh air. While doing our preliminary corner search I walked straight to a large pine tree and dug down against the trunk between some big roots and instantly uncovered the old corner stake. When Jake asked how I knew exactly where to dig, I told him I had surveyed the adjoining tract in '83 or '84and just happened to remember the tree. His instant, straight faced response was "Gosh, Pappy, how did you fight off the Indians long enough to find that stake the first time?"

He's at least a fifth generation smartass (maybe sixth as my great grandpaw had a bit of mischief in him too), and yes.....I will admit..... "My name is Mr Surveyor, and I'm an old fart"

Now, is there some kind of twelve step program to reverse the process:D

(I want to be 50 again:)

surv

[earle8888]

Bawana Great one!

[kramm]

I was haveing lunch with my oldest grandson, (9yrs.old) at his school. One of the kids asked me how old I was. I told them and they were looking at me as if I'd said I was a thousand. I'm 61.

[Bawanna]

I still remember as a younker the occasion of my dad's 36th birthday. I remember the age specifically and I thought he was the oldest man alive. Wish I could be 36 again, if he was still this side of the sod I'm sure he'd like to be 36 again too.

[Just One Shot]

I'm so old that when I get the runs I crap dust.

[slowpoke]

I'm so old:
That I have learned to appreciate the real value of doctors with small fingers.

[Ol'coot]

I am so old that when I was in school, there was no history class.

I am so old my social security number is in Roman numerals

I am so old Jurassic Park brought back memories