I became confused ......

[jeepster09]

I became confused when I heard the word"Service"used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV'Service'
Civil 'Service'
State, City, County & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service'meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service'a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

I would hope that you are now just as enlightened as I am.

[jocko]

LOLROTFLMAO

you gotta stop this stuff Jeepster

[Bawanna]

Bull Hockey, keep it up. I'm gonna go find my teeth that got spit out and then I'm coming back for more.

[Jackleg]

Yeah Jeepster, I get it! That kind of goes along with "PUBLIC" service. It just keeps getting clearer.

[jeepster09]

Two women were sitting quietly minding there own business.....

[jeepster09]

Strangers at an airport
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights.

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East....

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward,
'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'

The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl...

'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, But I do believe it's a-comin'.'

[jeepster09]

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a rather attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys.

The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.

The nurse informs him that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to complete.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks "What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Private Insurance and they have Obama Care. :eek:

[jeepster09]

New Security Device
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates
the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.
It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will
detonate any explosive device you may have on your person. They see
this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about
racial profiling. It also would eliminate the costs of a long and
expensive trial. Justice would be swift. Case closed!:75:
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.
Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system . . .
"Attention standby passengers, we now have a seat available on flight
number 6709.

[jeepster09]

While I was watching the NFL playoff games, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death and the need for living wills.
During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.
Sometimes it's tough being married to a smartass....:confused:

[jeepster09]

Elks Club
Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

"Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!" :mad:

[yqtszhj]

:D That one is hysterical:D

[jlottmc]

I love it. Actually, that may not be hard to do. The hard part would be keeping a bomb that was components out. You may be one to something.

[jlottmc]

They didn't tell me that when I had mine; the worst part was that the doctor was an old guy and wanted to talk to you while he was down there.

[jeepster09]

HER DIARY
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I
thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we
go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but
he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong.
He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that
he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his
behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely,
as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued
to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise,
he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still
felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were
somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know
what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY
My motorcycle wouldn't start today, can't figure out why,
but at least I got laid.

[Tat2dman]

HEHEHE,almost shot Pepsi outta my nose on that one...keep`em comin!

[johnh]

Some funny stuff, but makes sense to combine them a bit so as not to bump too many other posts down. As you were, Jeepster... :D

John

[jeepster09]

The Dot l

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP! Now we KNOW who answers our technical calls!

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical advice......................:eek:

[jeepster09]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.''I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.''I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired..'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that ****.