March Madness Kahrtalk Style

[Bawanna]

How come you guys and TD2K let me slip and not start a free for all thread this month. Nobody noticed?




THE OL'-BOY
Gary Thiry, via e-mail

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, ”I have a 10-foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, “Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.”

“No, that's okay. I don't want It,” said Leroy.

The rich man said, “Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?”

“No thanks, I don't want it,” answered Leroy.

The host said, “Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?”

Again Leroy said, “No.”

Confused, the rich man asked, “Well, Leroy, then what do you want?”

Leroy said, “I want the name of the ol’-boy who flanged me into da pool!”

[Jeremiah/Az]

78º here today. @ 80º the rattlesnakes come out. 3/5 year before last, I killed 2 off the front porch steps. That is the earliest I have ever seen them.

[Dietrich]

[QUOTE=Jeremiah/Az;57541]78º here today. @ 80º the rattlesnakes come out. 3/5 year before last, I killed 2 off the front porch steps. That is the earliest I have ever seen them.[/QUOTE

I imagine the global warming crowd will be saying "I told you so."

[jeepster09]

A young man moved out from his parent's home and into a new apartment, all his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?'' Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.

I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'







Clearing his throat, he stammered... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... That was me.':D

[jeepster09]

Cutting Staff!


An executive was in quandary. Due to budget cuts, he had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that, in the morning, whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin. The executive approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like crap."

[rholmes69]

Cutting Staff!


An executive was in quandary. Due to budget cuts, he had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that, in the morning, whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin. The executive approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like crap."


Holy crap, that is great!!

[earle8888]

Deit I had a great friend who lived that a way before he passed on, I fixted him up with a Thompson Center pistol chambered for 3" Mag. 410. He was the Great White Hunter for the community for Rattle snakes.
The kids were saying that their Grandmother started walking 5 Miles a day on her 80th Birthday. Now they don't know were she is!

[1911fanatic]

Cutting Staff!


An executive was in quandary. Due to budget cuts, he had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that, in the morning, whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin. The executive approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like crap."

Needles to say he fired Jack.:eek:

[jlottmc]

Well I was looking at the calender a little bit ago, only recognized one name for birthdays this month. Have a good one Tilos. I quit counting after 24, I got my insurance discount, and can buy a pistol all day long (funding permitting), and have no intention of seeking public office, so I stay 24.

[jocko]

MARCH MADNESS is NCAA tourney time....Even my ol alma materis going tothe dance this year. Indiana State University, home of Larry Bird, Curt Thomas, Bruce Bumgarner and yes even ol jocko!!1 Bronze statues for 3 of those 4 are on campus, I am still "waiting".

[MikeyKahr]

Bronze statues for 3 of those 4 are on campus, I am still "waiting".

They might not bronze you, jocko (although we all know you deserve it), but they may want to bronze that magical 30k+ round PM9 of yours!! :53: Good luck to your ISU team - they will definitely need it!! :blushing:

[jocko]

they won't get past the first game but that is OK. It has been 10 years since they have been to the dance and it will probalby net the atlethic program a million bucks in tv revenue..They ain't going anywhyere, trust me on that. They could bronze me holding the PM9 and kill two birds with one "bronze"..

[mr surveyor]

did someone just call for a taxidermist?

[O'Dell]

MARCH MADNESS is NCAA tourney time....Even my ol alma materis going tothe dance this year. Indiana State University, home of Larry Bird, Curt Thomas, Bruce Bumgarner and yes even ol jocko!!1 Bronze statues for 3 of those 4 are on campus, I am still "waiting".

I assume that you're talking basketball. I really hadn't noticed.

[Bawanna]

Two guys one old one young


Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart


When they collide.


The old guy says to the young guy,


'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,


And I guess I wasn't paying attention


To where I was going.
The young guy says, 'That's OK, it's a

coincidence.


I'm looking for my wife, too...'


I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'


The old guy says, 'Well,


Maybe I can help you find her..


What does she look like?'


' The young guy says,


'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,


With red hair,


Green eyes, is buxom, wearing no bra,


Long legs,


And is wearing short shorts.


What does your wife look like?'


To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter,


--- let's look for yours.'

(ADORABLE)

[Bawanna]

Hey Happy Birthday Tilos! Remember your not getting older, your getting better.

Hope you have a really fine day and all your birthday desires come thru for ya.

[jimbar]

Since it's March Madness, who's gonna be the last one standing at "The Dance"? I'm thinking Ohio St, or perennial favorite Duke.
As for the girls, if you're not watching them, you're missing some great games. My favorite to win is Baylor, but I'm a little biased, I lived in Waco Tx, the home of Baylor for many yrs. They got this sophmore,Brittney Griner, she's 6'8", and setting new NCAA records almost every game for blocked shots, ppg's, assist.
I think it'll come down to UCONN (again), Maya Moore is fantastic, and Baylor, hopefully a Baylor win.

[500KV]

http://i866.photobucket.com/albums/ab225/500KV_album/Rednecks.jpg

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'

'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ronnie replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?' 'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

Rednecks are really good at the sensitive stuff.

[mr surveyor]

thus the reason I forced myself to become more sensitive last fall:D

[Dietrich]

After having a few too many,a fellow in a bar started bragging about what a strong constitution he had. Tired of hearing his mouth,his buddy decided to test him.
"OK,if you`re that tough I`ll bet $20 that you can`t drink three swallows out of that spittoon next to the bar."
The braggart picked up the spittoon,swilled the contents around and started to drink.One,two, three swallows,then a fourth,fifth and so on until he sat the spittoon down empty.
Somewhat green, his friend asked,"The bet was for only three swallows.Why did you keep on going?"
The loudmouth gasped,"It was all in one string and I didn`t want to bite it."

This joke is best told just before dinner is served.

[getsome]

OMG, I think I just threw up in my mouth and now I'm really gonna....:puke:

[jfrey]

Many years ago when I was in college, we would invite all the new freshmen in the dorm each year to a special reception for coffee and biscuits. Many ate and most would drink at least one cup of coffee. What we didn't tell them until midsemester was that the coffee was made from Copenhagen. Many times, even 8 or 9 weeks later, the reaction was quite amusing.

Don't ever try and put anything past a bunch of Aggies.

[aray]

Yes! Got in under the wire before this thread is closed for good.

Hurt feelings report: http://www.militaryreligiousfreedom.org/legalfiles/gates_letter_sept09/attach_1.pdf

[Dietrich]

Somebody,ANYBODY please tell me this ain`t for real.As screwed up as things are you can never tell these days.