It ain`t easy being me

[Dietrich]

Well,the blight has taken the corn,my youngest sister has run off with an all female motorcycle gang and my mother has arthritis so bad she can`t make it to the liquor store but three times a week.How are things on your end?

[jocko]

I think I meet ur sister!!!!

[Bawanna]

You never fail to make my day Deitrich. It's gonna be a good day now, I can just feel it.

Your cousin Shirley in that motorcycle gang by any chance? Fat girls that don't sweat just have to be a great asset to any motorcycle gang.

[Willieboy]

Well, how's this. I'm driving to the office. I have a full cup of piping hot coffee in the cup holder of my car. My radar detector is mounted to my windshield. (We have at least four police agency in Houston all chasing the same nickel.) I get on the expressway and work my way over to the left lane. Then, I settle in for the commute. I grab my cup of coffee, move it to my lips and I come over a rise in the highway. Alak and alas, there sits a state trouper with his radar gun aimed at me. I was not speeding, but the loud screeching of my radar detector scares me half to death and in my shock, I spill the scalding coffee on my shirt and tie. Then, upon seeing the trooper, I tap my breaks hard enough to dislodge the radar detector and its suction cup mounts from the windshield. It flys off the windshield, bounces off the dashboard and land in my lap.... crushing my stones. And this my friends is a true story.

[Bawanna]

It must suck to have to wear a tie.

[MW surveyor]

Bill - lose the tie on Friday!



Diet - another good one. I'm having a great day......so far. The wife is over to the oldest daughters place for a visit with the grandson and granddaughter. Sun is shining, nice mild temperatures. Only a little bit of work in the home office. However, I've got stuff to do around the house while the wife's away. Mostly all up on a two story high ladder! May have to wait until tomorrow as I want to try to make a holster for my SP 101. Yea, that's what I'm gonna do for the rest of the day.

[jlottmc]

I could do better, but I need a tetanus shot before I do. Berries got poked by a rusty nail a minute ago.

[pappy42]

Now boys I swear that this is true story. My wife and I go to our new primary care doctor who turns out to be the best looking young lady that I have seen in long time.

Well, the young lady doctor asks me what my symptoms are so that she can administer the proper tests. At that point, the devil himself takes a hold of me, and makes me say that my wife said my p*n*s tastes funny. That's when the fight started. I should be out of intensive care by this time next week.

[Dietrich]

I could do better, but I need a tetanus shot before I do. Berries got poked by a rusty nail a minute ago.
That sent a shiver up what used to be my spine before I got married.

[Bawanna]

Curiosity killed the cat and I don't want to arouse it especially right now.

Pappy flowers and a few gun magazines enroute.

I should tell the gun magazine shrink hospital story if I haven't already. I'll save it for a boring day. Dietrich has saved the day today.

[kahrseye]

Well,the blight has taken the corn,my youngest sister has run off with an all female motorcycle gang and my mother has arthritis so bad she can`t make it to the liquor store but three times a week.How are things on your end?

Did you happen to notice which way the motorcycle gang went? :eek:

[Dietrich]

Did you happen to notice which way the motorcycle gang went? :eek:
A few of them headed west but the majority went both ways.:D

[Bawanna]

Just so you know, your killing me here!

[Dietrich]

Now boys I swear that this is true story. My wife and I go to our new primary care doctor who turns out to be the best looking young lady that I have seen in long time.

Well, the young lady doctor asks me what my symptoms are so that she can administer the proper tests. At that point, the devil himself takes a hold of me, and makes me say that my wife said my p*n*s tastes funny. That's when the fight started. I should be out of intensive care by this time next week.
Pappy,I loved that story,really loved it.You don`t happen to be a Tar Heel by birth do you? The devil takes a hold of a lot of us from this state.

[jocko]

My priest got a big kicki out of it to!!!!

[pappy42]

Pappy,I loved that story,really loved it.You don`t happen to be a Tar Heel by birth do you? The devil takes a hold of a lot of us from this state.

Naw, I'm a danged old Texan.

[pappy42]

My priest got a big kicki out of it to!!!!

Why, does his taste funny also?

[Bawanna]

Warning Will Robinson see the _________________________ don't cross over.

[Jeremiah/Az]

Mine is almost too clean--er---boring for this thread.

I have a 4 month old Weimaraner pup that is the most lovable little boy. He came over to the edge of the bed, before I got up, to give me a love. I leaned down to see him & he took a chomp out of my forehead!

If I had been upside down, I would fit right in this thread------screamin'!!!!!

[jeep45238]

Another day above ground and breathing - it's an amazing day.

[swampman]

It was so hot here today,The corn popped in the fields,The mules saw the popped corn and thought it was snow and they froze to death :eek: Its a fine time to leave me,Lucile------

[Bawanna]

Aww mules. A story to share thats been in my family forever.

When my dad was a kid in his teens I reckon, my grandfather had a matched team of mules. In that time that was equivalent to the finest John Deere tractor you could get now days. Alot of pride in them.
Well they were being typical mules one day and finely my dad had enough, he picked up a dirt clod, lot of clay in the dirt back there and drilled one of them mules right smack in the head.
It fell over like it was pole axed. He thought for sure he'd killed the darn thing. My uncle said my dad was literally giving that mule mouth to mouth, jumpin on his side, praying to come back to life.
I guess after it while it just got up, he'd apparently knocked it out.
Don't think he ever forgot that episode.

[pappy42]

Warning Will Robinson see the _________________________ don't cross over.

My BAD, Kemo Sabe. It's that danged devil!

[Bawanna]

My BAD, Kemo Sabe. It's that danged devil!

Not real bad but circling the drain. Right at the edge of the canyon so to speak. It's all perfectly good. Jocko's priest enjoyed it so can't be all bad right?

[jimbar]

Many years ago, down in my home state of Texas, my friend Burly Simmons and I went "jug " fishing. For those not familiar, you get a plastic jug, like a bleach bottle, then tie your line to the handle, set the depth, bait it, then set it afloat.It's a giant cork, and will tire out most any fish in due time.
Well, we went out to check our lines, and this one jug was thrashing around to beat all. Must be a big 'ol catfish, we thought. I tried to haul it into the boat, but it was a hell of a fighter, for sure. After about ten minutes of this, I finally gave one big pull, and it came splashing out of the water like a cannon. Did I mention this was at night? Well, it knocked the lantern over, so we're tusseling in the dark, and it I could feel it had fur, like a raccoon or something. It finally jumped out of the boat and swam for the shore, and climbed up a tree, I swear!
Well, I had to see what the hell we caught, so I climbed up right after it, out onto a small limb. I said, "now I got you, sucker". Just as I reached for it,......it up and flew away,...........!

[jlottmc]

Ok yesterday I was putting some old plywood in the dumpster and managed to poke myself in the right berry with a rusty nail. Good thing it was already cut.

[WMD]

You guys are killing me!!! :D

I wish I had a good story to tell. Only thing I can say is I went golfing the other morning. the only two good balls I hit were when I stepped on the rake in the sand trap! :eek:

[Bawanna]

Many years ago, down in my home state of Texas, my friend Burly Simmons and I went "jug " fishing. For those not familiar, you get a plastic jug, like a bleach bottle, then tie your line to the handle, set the depth, bait it, then set it afloat.It's a giant cork, and will tire out most any fish in due time.
Well, we went out to check our lines, and this one jug was thrashing around to beat all. Must be a big 'ol catfish, we thought. I tried to haul it into the boat, but it was a hell of a fighter, for sure. After about ten minutes of this, I finally gave one big pull, and it came splashing out of the water like a cannon. Did I mention this was at night? Well, it knocked the lantern over, so we're tusseling in the dark, and it I could feel it had fur, like a raccoon or something. It finally jumped out of the boat and swam for the shore, and climbed up a tree, I swear!
Well, I had to see what the hell we caught, so I climbed up right after it, out onto a small limb. I said, "now I got you, sucker". Just as I reached for it,......it up and flew away,...........!

Musta been one of them flying fish huh?

WMD, you gotta watch them rakes in the sand traps, harmful.
I never did play golf, but a replaced the fencing on a couple driving ranges who refused to shut down while I worked, that was interesting and fuel for a few good stories. My kids play, I sometimes feel I've failed them in that respect.