Pocket Tazer Stun Gun

[jeepster09]

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

A one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.


Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!! :eek:

[gagnejs8]

HAHAHA idiot. Back when I used to be a firefighter when the police downstairs first got theirs we tried them because we were bored upstairs in the firehouse. Not a fun experience.

[Rotorflyr]

I read that without too much laughter.....course I've seen it before :p

MrsFlyr however, was reduced to tears! :D

[jlottmc]

I still say the actual Taser (not a stun gun like above) is a devious and diabolical weapon. The person who created that is a sadistic individual.

[bonjorno2]

i love tasers and would take a good taser shock than oc spray anyday! funny story!

[OldLincoln]

When a kid and irrigating my uncles cattle pastures the ditch ran adjacent to the fence armed with a shock wire. The work called for standing in the shallow ditch and digging out/ filling in cut outs for water to flow. Of course you can't be that close to the wire without getting hit once in a while. It always was a jolt, standing in water and bumping the wire, and the metallic taste left behind was nasty, but I kind of got used to it.

Then one day my uncle thought it would be cool to zap me with a 6 cell cattle prod. That took zap to a whole new level, but still nothing like what I understand the stun stuff to do.

I don't think I would volunteer for a jolt, but know if I were a bad guy that would be on my must have list. I'm surprised we don't read about more stun incidences. Of course if it caught on and in the papers all the time, the anti-gun crowd would try to outlaw stun guns to keep them out of the hands of bad guys.

[jlottmc]

The main reason behind the lack of reports is the lack of effectiveness (no real effects after release), and the fact that it is a contact weapon, which means that you have to be up close and personal. I know the Taser is better than that but there are still many limitations to the system such as a slow reload after the one shot is used, and a range of no more than 21 feet. Very effective, but very limited as well. As it is Taser will not activate a unit (they can be had at the big box stores for pretty reasonable prices) without a 4473, which shows that in many states the Taser is treated just like a firearm.