Did I handle this correctly?

[Dietrich]

My wife and I fostered a young girl who had been taken from her home by social services because of an investigation into possible abuse [physical not sexual].This girl has been shunted around from disfunctional family member to another disfunctional family member many times in her life.Her biological parents are pure trash and she now lives with an aunt and uncle who don`t really want her but won`t let us have her.When she came to stay with us her grades went from failing to A`s and B`s and everyone at church was remarking what a difference there was in her demeanor.Friendly,happy,cheerful etc.She has now told us that she is experimenting sexually with other girls.I took that little face in my hands and told her I would love and support her no matter what her sexual preferences were but I felt that she should slow down and really look inside herself before going any further.She is only sixteen and I don`t really have any expertise in this area.She hasn`t told any other adults besides Helen and me and I told her not to until she felt ready.[When she tells this at home the SWHTF bigtime but I didn`t tell her that.]I love this child with all my heart and so does my wife.We have very limited access to her because of her aunt [a total b#$ch] and the fact that she now lives about 350 miles away.My question is,did I say the right things? What would you do if your kid came home one day with similar news?Did I handle this as I should have?

[yqtszhj]

2 thumbs up. Got to try to positively influence youth while we can because they really need all they can get. Lots of bad stuff out there to drag them the wrong way. My wife and I teach a class of early teens and I always tell her that we should do all we can. Got to help them while they are still young.

Sounds like she liked staying with you guy's so even if she may not agree with you in the end I would bet she still appreciates your honest advice.

[jocko]

ur a good man deit, u really are.

[mrsig239]

I believe you did right. All you can do is guide them when possible and support any decision they make. Show them love and kindness and let them decide what they have to do.

[melissa5]

Diet, I think you did just fine. She may just be going through a phase. At least she can't get pregnant with a girl. The most important thing you did was to let her know that you love and support her. That sounds like more than she gets from her biological family. Plus, you didn't make her feel like she couldn't talk to ya'll about important stuff. You don't want to close the door on that kind of communication. You're a good man, Dietrich!

[Rainman48314]

My wife and I fostered a young girl who had been taken from her home by social services because of an investigation into possible abuse [physical not sexual].......My question is,did I say the right things? What would you do if your kid came home one day with similar news?Did I handle this as I should have?As a former Social Worker, I'd say ABSOLUTELY YES. You were supportive and non-judgemental. She obviously trusts you based on her open communication.

[Dietrich]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.That child is so fragile and damaged I constantly second guess myself.At times I have to make myself be firm but most of the time she simply needs to know someone loves and respects her.My biggest fear is that she will get frustrated at home and run.There are far worse choices but I try not to dwell on those for too long.Thank you all again.

[Bawanna]

I agree with all above and who have gone before me. You can only do what you can do and you did it well. Love and support goes a long long ways these days.

I do feel a bit awkward answering a question from Dear Dietrich. Tables flipped upside down and backwards.

Say hi to the young lady from all here at Kahrtalk, cept maybe Wynn, she might not be ready for him just yet with the Mall sneaking and stuff.

[crazymailman]

ur a good man deit, u really are.
Ditto, and I don't think you could have handled it any better.

[TheTman]

You did good Dietrich. You talked from your heart and was honest and upright for her and showing your concern. As a parent, I know it's often hard to say what you mean without messing it up. Sound like you did the best you could and what more can you ask for. A big thumbs up from me. Young ladies are very emotional and full of feelings and things you want to watch out for. Sure not the easiest of people to deal with.

[Willieboy]

I feel for you Dietrich. It must be very painful to love someone and have her 350 miles away and in need of guidance. I think you did well in listening to her and not closing the door on her. It's good she felt comfortable comimg to you with such a revelation and I think you did all you could under the circumstances.

God bless you and your wife Dietrich, for getting involved and trying to help.

[MW surveyor]

Diet - I think you handled it perfectly.

[O'Dell]

Ditto Dietrich, you did fine. I sure my child psychologist ex-wife would agree. You're a good man and the forum is lucky to have you.

[recoilguy]

If she is talking to you she is looking for the love you gave her in my opinion. Kids are very hard, young girls are very very hard. you handled it very well. Support and love are so important. In my opinion many people are afraid to speak with authority but that is what 16 year old girls want more then anything. Nicely played!

RCG

[Indigo]

High school kids are cruel. While I personally would be ok and support my own child some people won't agree with me on this I would still suggest to the child that it may be best to keep that information as quiet as possible for the time being. Not because there is anything wrong with it but this is not a perfect world we live in. College age and older people are much more accepting of people because they have seen and done more experience-wise. I wouldn't ask my daughter to not be herself but for her own personal mental well-being I wouldn't want her to "come out" so to speak at the high school level. It may seem liberating but I would fear for her from a stress/embarassment stand point only because I have seen firsthand how awful kids of that age can be. I'm sure we all remember to some degree how horribly people are treated and/or ostricized when they don't "fit in". That is just my two cents. I have no issues with GLB whatsoever but just from the parent perspective I would want my daughter to not face constant ridicule from immature jerk kids. I know a lot of people may feel that I'm wrong but once that comes out you can't put it back in and in a perfect world sure, why not be who you are but I have a hard time believing that kids of that age would handle it maturely and I would be concerned that it may affect grades/social development/etc. I would suggest to my own daughter that she do what makes her happy but keep this part of her life private until she is in a more accepting environment.

[Pa Kahr]

THumbs up al the way.......

[slowpoke]

I agree with all the above. You didn't judge and make her afraid to open up to you in the future.
This is probably a faze she is going through and you didn't make yourself the enemy.